Kindness
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Thursday, October 12th, 2023
We jokingly talk about, how as a person gets older, forgetting seems to be part of the equation. As we age, our memories aren’t as good. We don’t remember names and faces like we used to. Memorizing sentences, speeches, verses, directions (you name it), just doesn’t go as smoothly as it used to…if at all. I used to never forget a name and a face. Now I’m good enough to remember my own name, and the face staring back at me in the mirror doesn’t look like I remembered. 🙂 I also used to memorize my sermons and then graduated to a very minimal outline. COVID and age changed that!
I’m sure we have all heard of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery. The original bill establishing the Tomb was in 1921 in remembrance of the unknown soldiers who fought in WWI and were buried on the battlefield, often where they fell. In 1956 President Eisenhower signed a bill to pay tribute to soldiers who died from WWII and the Korean War. The tombstone reads, “Here rests in honored glory an American soldier known but to God.” That tomb has remained guarded at all times, in all kinds of weather 24/7/365 since 1937. On April 6, 1948 the Third US Infantry Regiment took over the task of guarding the Tomb.
In Psalm 78, the psalmist is reminding the people of Israel of all God has done for them and that they must not forget. He recounts the goodness of God because, as we all know, it is easy to forget. I realize Thanksgiving is still over a month away, but why not start now remembering all of God’s goodness to you/me over the year?
In fact, why did you/I ever stop?
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Jo, Tami, and I are leaving this morning for a quick trip to Ohio to see our family. We will be returning on Saturday. Prayers for our safety would be appreciated. I will respond to comments as I have time (and Wifi). Have a great weekend.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Forgetting, God, Kindness, Lifestyle, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Remembering, Scripture look, Story, Thanksgiving
Tuesday, October 10th, 2023
I had a good day yesterday…my birthday. I did absolutely nothing. That’s good and bad. While I worked in the office early and had a staff meeting that lasted all morning due to various reasons, I was unable to go to the Y or for a ride. 🙁 However, I had lunch with Jo and Tami (our adult daughter who is on Fall Break from teaching K kids…thanks Tami), then drove to Terre Haute to pick up my Pathfinder. It had been in the shop since last Thursday. That’s when the fun began.
I did absolutely nothing. Unless you count reading, laughing and eating ice cream nothing. I call it doing what I like to do when I don’t have anything else to do or want to do! 🙂
Honestly? I needed it. After a very busy weekend (I had a wedding rehearsal and ceremony), preaching twice in the morning, and small group I needed a slow day. Plus my schedule in 2023 has been full and hectic. Time away is needed by me and Jo, but such is our life right now and the holidays coming, that it isn’t going to happen. I do have several outlets (biking and the Y), but sometimes one needs more. Sometimes time away is essential. We are hoping 2024 works out for us.
What started me thinking of this (besides my own fatigue and realization)? I read a quote by former MLB player, Andrelton Simmons: “Most people carry scars that others can’t see or understand.” He walked away from baseball in 2020 due to mental health issues.
Several thoughts went through my mind when I read about him. First, we are sometimes very good covering up the real “me.” “Never let ’em see you sweat” is the saying that goes through my head. To let someone see who you really are is often seen as a sign of weakness to admit we even have a struggle. NO. NO it’s not! It is a sign of strength to admit it.
Second, no one dare criticize another who is going through a crisis. I need to constantly remind myself that “there but by the grace of God go I.” That could have been me. He is right. We all have scars. I know I do. And I need to remember to do as Joe Simon once sang about: “Walk a mile in my shoes.” Truthfully, we all need to walk a mile in someone’s moccasins before we dismiss or criticize them.
Jesus empathized with us. Hebrews 5:15 says, “For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” He knows. He understands. He stands with us. Next to us. Holding us up. Giving us His strength.
Don’t hide. Don’t pretend all is okay. Get help. Be honest. You are not alone.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Friendship, God, Jesus, Kindness, Love, Mental Health, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Story, Suffering, Truth Telling
Wednesday, October 4th, 2023
When I was in college, there was a war going on. In fact, I’m going to date myself with this revelation. The war was in some southeast Asian country. You know…Vietnam.
While in college studying for the ministry, I met some guys who were only at that college for one reason and probably one reason only: they wanted to avoid the war. You see, if you were studying at a Bible college for some type of ministry, you were exempt from military service. I was naive;I didn’t know that. I guess I lived in my own world and didn’t really know much about Vietnam. I knew of the protests and sit-ins. I knew of the songs (“Four Dead in Ohio” by C,S,N,Y is one that sticks out in particular). There was a day or two when I had trouble finding a job for the summer and my uncle took me to a recruiting station (not that he himself would go). Fortunately, the recruiter called my parents to tell them and they talked some sense into me. I wasn’t ready for the military, and wasn’t ready for Vietnam in any way, shape. or form. (Who was?). Anyway, I did find a job-one that reinforced my idea of my life’s vocation. For that, I am forever grateful to God.
Back to the students. Their reason for being at a Bible college had almost nothing to do with the “calling” they sensed on their life to spend it in ministry. And to make matters worse, when they did serve somewhere, their heart and reason were totally out of whack. I’m not judging; I’m stating a fact.
The reason or motive for doing something may be far more important than what is done.
Now, I’m not saying what is done is inconsequential. But when a person serves out of guilt or shame or a sense of obligation, joy disappears. And where there is no joy in whatever one does, the task become mundane. Some people take great pride in what they do. Only that becomes the problem: pride. Not that we shouldn’t care about what we do and work at doing our best. But I’m talking here about having a servant’s heart. No task done because of the joy of service, but perhaps for the accolades or salve a hurting psyche.
Why do you do what you do? If you serve at a soup kitchen, for example. Why? If you help at a homeless shelter. Why? If you support a missionary. Why? If you preach or teach. Why?
Go ahead. Ask yourself that and then give an honest answer. If you deem the motive wrong, take steps to clarify in your own heart, why you do what you do. Then correct it.
Posted in InTheShadow | 10 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Generosity, Humility, Kindness, Leadership, Ministry, Motive, Opinion, Questions, Reflection, Service, Truth Telling
Thursday, September 7th, 2023
I was thinking this morning about the seeming coldness of so many people. Even those who are so-called “social justice warriors” are, when you come right down to it, often in it for themselves. They have a social agenda they want to accomplish-whether it be racial, environmental, lifestyle, or even religious. Instead of truly caring for people, many “front” their agenda with fake concern, fake activism. Whether it be for money, fame, a name, or an agenda, they truly don’t care for others.
How different from what the Bible says is true caring. Just a couple of Scriptures show that. Before I do though, let me add this: there is a big-no make that gigantic-difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy says, “I’m sorry” but does nothing. It reminds me of that annoying boy in Polar Express who says, “I’m sorry. I really am” but you get the feeling of “not really.” Empathy, on the other hand, truly feels sorrow but then does two things: 1) puts oneself in their place; and 2) does something about it.
Now for the Scripture…and trust me when I say no commentary will be needed. In I Corinthians 12, after speaking about how each member of the body-hand, foot, ear, eye, nose-need each other, Paul concludes with these words: “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” (verse 26 in ESV).
The other Scripture is found in James 2. James discusses favoritism (rich vs poor) in the church assembly by giving favored seats; partiality in morality (overlooking one sin for another sin); and then he hits my point: “If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” (Verses 15-17 in ESV)
No racial, environmental, or social agenda. Just a faith agenda: one where feet are put to our faith. Empathy, not just sympathy, is the calling card of a life of faith.
Posted in InTheShadow | 6 Responses »
Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Church, Empathy, Kindness, Lifestyle, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Sympathy, Truth Telling
Monday, August 28th, 2023
There is an old saying I’m pretty sure we have all heard: “Be sure your sins will find you out.” We read stories-often daily-where this adage plays itself out.
- A church treasurer who decides the church’s money is their personal bank so they begin using the money for themselves and financing ventures for personal gain.
- An accountant who siphons money from a client or clients because of greed.
- A builder who uses cheap materials and takes shortcuts while building.
The sad list goes on. Men and women who are trusted, but end up cheating, lying, and taking advantage of others. All while believing they are not going to get caught.
I Timothy 5:24 says, “The sins of some people are quite evident, going before them to judgment; for others, their sins follow after.” (NASB2020) See that last phrase? My translation: sin will come to roost.
But how about good? You know…there are people who do good but want no recognition. But try as they many, word gets out. I was reminded of that when I continued reading I Timothy 5:25-“Likewise also, deeds that are good are quite evident, and those which are otherwise cannot be concealed.” (NASB2020)
Good should never be done for the purpose of recognition. But sometimes it just can’t help itself. But keep this in mind: it is far better to be known for doing good, than to be known for your “sins.”
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We had a good weekend. I know some of you had prayed for that. We celebrated Janna’s birthday. She had a migraine so we brought her food home after eating supper with Braden. We visited Jo’s sister, who did not know me, and I’m thinking barely knew Jo. We watched Braden play football Friday night. He played a good game and even intercepted a pass. We also had a safe trip with all the driving miles. Thanks for all your prayers.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Generosity, Kindness, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Right/wrong, Scripture look, Story, Truth Telling
Thursday, August 10th, 2023
Recently, I witnessed a healing. No, not the kind you are probably thinking (although I wish I could in this case). Here’s the story:
In the past, Person B listened to the voices of others and told me to leave Person A as a friend and as a pastor. He then turned his “guns” on Person A. He continued listening to the voices and sought changes which did not happen. A resignation happened and the “guns” were taken up by another. Meanwhile one of the voices was pretty much out of the picture. Again, changes didn’t happen and another abandonment happened.
In the meantime, Person B has come on hard physical times. Devastating actually. As Person B’s pastor, I made the conscious decision to forgive and made countless visits-many of them hours away-to minister and to bring healing. I truly believe God has been faithful in bringing the latter.
But what about Person A?
I make weekly visits to Person B to encourage, to pray, to laugh with, to offer communion (something he misses since we offer it weekly), and to share the amazing healing power of God in a relationship. My love for Person B and his family is real and I want them to know that. I want him to know that. In my visits I sometimes take others, friends from his past, to visit and hopefully encourage and let him know he is not forgotten. And to offer hope. I decided-with the wife’s blessing-to bring Person A with me some day. I saw God work!! Now, whether Person B even remembered the past I don’t know-such is his memory. But I saw Person A engage with Person B and his wife and offer some vital help where they have been stymied before. What a phenomenal gift it would be if Person A can pull off the help he has offered!! I can’t speak for Person B’s feelings, although he did get emotional when Person A told him that he and his wife were praying for him. Person B’s wife, I think, was simply relieved someone was going to do something.
Mention healing and our immediate thoughts go to someone physically healed. Rarely do we think of emotional healing or relational healing. I witnessed both, especially in Person A. Personally? I think being witness to the relational healing does more good to my soul than all the physical healings I have seen God do (and I’m not speaking of the showy, TV, made up kind).
Somewhere angels were rejoicing, and the Father was smiling, as they witnessed “Forgive as you have been forgiven” come alive. I know I am.
Posted in InTheShadow | 10 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Forgiveness, Friendship, Kindness, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Reflection, Story, Suffering, Thanksgiving
Thursday, July 27th, 2023
We often use as a rule of thumb the old adage called The Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That is a good ruler to use…
But…
What do you do with those who continually mistreat, continually belittle, continually demean, continually malign, and basically make your life miserable? What then?
I’m not one who feels one should continually be stepped on, stepped over, or discarded. Admittedly, it does take a lot to get me to the point of “blowing their doors off” but that is another story for another time. There are just some people, though, who seem to be happiest then they are miserably making others’ lives that way. They complain about every little thing. They put down others’ efforts as maybe being inadequate, or misguided. No one does it quite right (least to their specifications). Too little experience. Things aren’t quite straight enough, spectacular enough, creative enough…you get the picture.
If you are like me, you get tired of the grumbling. the judging; the “it’s not good enough;” or the like. It calls for you to either walk away, or ignore, become like them, or…
…you show them extra grace. There are just some people who require it. Instead of joining their club or ignoring their club, why not try to find the source of their attitude or sour disposition? Maybe they are suffering some trauma? Maybe they have stuff going on that makes it feel like there is a vice on their heart or head. While it is never easy showing extra grace, Proverbs 25:21-22 is true: “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head…” (NASB2020)
Be an extra grace-giving person if you can. You never know whose life you can help make a difference in.
{Note: I know there is more to this topic and it can be much more complicated. This is just surface talk. Let me just say this: do not allow their attitude to determine yours and the way they treat others (or you) to determine how you do.}
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Forgiveness, Kindness, Leadership, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Story, Truth Telling
Thursday, July 13th, 2023
INFLUENCE. Someone has said, “Leadership is influence.” That is a big word which goes both ways. I Corinthians 15:33 says, “Bad company corrupts good morals.” That is true so I hope and pray that when people are around me I encourage them. I lift them up. I influence them for the good. Ultimately, I want them to consider Jesus-a follower of Him or not.
But sometimes it is the other way around and it comes when I least expect it. Yesterday was a perfect example.
At lunch time I met with a young man whom I have known for a little over 6 years. I met him and his young family when they returned from a traumatic time in South Sudan where they had served as missionaries. Their experience, while it had its good points, was very draining. Spiritually. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. God, in His marvelous way and plan has brought healing. Next week he, his wife, and now three children (it was one when they came home), are heading to Nairobi, Kenya as missionaries. They are going to encourage other missionaries who are in the place they were. Their home will be a sanctuary for recovery and rest. His heart for God and for other missionaries shows God’s power in healing their hearts. I came away encouraged.
Then last night Jo and I took a young family (a young couple and their three children (5, 3, and a newborn) to the Mexican restaurant for a meal away from home. We figured they could use it. 🙂 (And I never heard Jo complain about eating out…ever). They are a wonderful couple/family, obviously in love, and have two delightful children and one who I’m sure will be loved, smothered, and nurtured by mom and dad and big brother and big sister. Jo went away saying, “I like them. They are so real and down to earth.” I agree. She also said she never heard the husband talk so much. 🙂
It did my heart good to be influenced. As a pastor, I am the one who is usually expected to influence and encourage. And I tried to do so in both conversations. But it was also good to be encouraged by simple conversations and shared lives.
So let me ask you: who and how have you influenced people lately?
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Tags: Christian Living, Humility, Influence, Kindness, Leadership, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Speech, Story
Thursday, June 29th, 2023
I’ve recently had two interactions that show the difference a good Customer Service Rep makes.
For Christmas this past year, I bought Jo a seat for bleacher use when attending ball games, especially Braden’s, our grandson. She opened the box to see it but since there was no need to set it up I put it back in the box. Come Spring with baseball in the air, I got the chair out and tried to set it up. It wouldn’t lock no matter what I tried. The chair would have worked if Jo wanted to watch the game reclined and the people behind her didn’t care. 🙂 So I sought an exchange or a refund. It was beyond Amazon’s 30 day return policy and I understand that. They put me in contact with the company who made the chair and I explained the situation. She first tried to tell me how to make it work…after I told her I tried numerous times. (smh). Then she gave me an address to return it. First, UPS told me it was an incomplete address. Second, it was in Canada. Third, it cost me more to return it than the original purchase price (and it was my responsibility). Conversation with this rep happened twice. Needless to say, Nalone will N.E.V.E.R. get my business nor will I recommend them to anyone. And yes, unless blocked, my review is posted.
The second incident happened just yesterday on my way to visit someone at a hospital a little over an hour away. Our local gas station/convenience store’s pop machine was down due to a CO2 issue, so I stopped at another one in a town on the way there. I put ice in my mug but since they didn’t have what I wanted to drink, I bought some bottles. They had Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar on sale for 3/$5. I thought that was a pretty good deal and as I checked out I double checked on the price. The CSR told me that it was if I had their reward’s app. I didn’t so I was going to take 2 bottles back when she said, “Get them and I’ll just use my number.” Not only did I thank her several times, I also know I will stop there again on my way through…and I just might get their app. 🙂
I thought about those two situations this morning. What a difference a good CSR made. The attitude and service I received plays a big part in how I see the company and also in my future use of their product/store. Then I asked myself How often have I left a good or bad impression on someone? Would the impression I left them with lead them to know more about me and/or what motivated me? In this case, my faith. If they visited the church, did they get a good or bad impression of the church? Were we friendly or cliquish and aloof?
Someone has said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” What kind did you leave?
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Tags: Christian Living, Customer Service, Impression, Kindness, Lifestyle, Ministry, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Tuesday, June 27th, 2023
Scenario #1: A man or woman is arrested for preaching or teaching, i.e. proselytizing. He or she is thrown into prison and on a daily basis is beaten or punished until he/she recants.
Scenario #2: A man or woman goes to work each day simply to do his/her job and do it well. That’s it. He/she doesn’t go there to be a troublemaker or to show anyone up; get a promotion; or to condemn. But their Christian faith is evident in how they do their job. But there is one co-worker who seems to have one mission: make life miserable for that person.
Scenario #3: A high school student excels in sports or academics or both. This student is motivated, not by a desire to prove he or she is the best, but by his/her love for Jesus to simply do their best in all things. But one student, one teammate takes offense, perhaps out of jealousy, or perhaps vindictiveness, to make life miserable by spreading lies or maybe getting “physical” in sports or in the classroom.
Scenario #4: A self-proclaimed “religious overlord” determines he, and he only, knows what is right and wrong. He makes an effort to oust the pastor or a teacher or a member because he/she is the self-proclaimed “church police of correct thinking.” That person leaves because they fail to get their way, but then returns one day expecting all to be forgiven and forgotten, even extending a hand to the one they policed. The motive for that extended hand is questionable.
In all four scenarios, there is a victim and a perpetrator. In all four scenarios the victim reacts differently than expected. Proverbs 25:21-22 tells us why: “If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”
Showing kindness in the face of persecution, torment, ridicule, slander, or extreme hurt and betrayal, is counterintuitive to the way society operates. But not in the way God’s economy works. Peter tells us that Jesus was persecuted, tormented, and beaten but He didn’t open His mouth (I Peter 2:21-23).
Let’s be like Jesus. Let’s trust Him to make all things new and right. Let’s trust Him to give us the strength, and if things don’t get better, to follow in His steps. Let’s be “burning coal stackers.”
Posted in InTheShadow | 10 Responses »
Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Forgiveness, Humility, Jesus, Kindness, Lifestyle, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Persecution, Reflection, Scripture look, Story, Suffering
