Death
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Thursday, February 6th, 2025
“God gained another angel.”
What a horrible, horrible and cold-hearted way to respond to someone who has lost a loved one, especially a child! Those were our sentiments last night.
Let me explain: on Wednesday night I have what I call Wednesday Night Conversations. It’s just a gathering of whoever wants to come and sit around and discuss issues and try to find Biblical answers to those issues. I am using 9 Common Lies Christians Believe by Shane Pruitt as my basis for the conversations. The previous conversation was “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” Last night’s was “God gained another angel.”
We will often hear that statement used during a funeral, especially by people who are trying to find something to say to parents who lost a child. I know those who say those words are only trying to be helpful and sympathetic, but it simply is not true. And to be brutally honest, the ones who lost that child or that loved one DO NOT want to hear that God wanted their child more than they did. I have stood beside parents whose child passed away or was stillborn or miscarried after month’s inside the mother’s womb and those are not words they want to hear. At those times the only words I found to say was “I’m sorry and if I could take away your pain I would.” More often than not all I could offer was an arm around the shoulder or a shoulder to cry on or a chest to beat on if they wanted to.
Many people have this misguided idea that we become angels when we die. Or a butterfly (or some other tangible expression) to show they are with us. Without getting into too much detail, angels are a whole ‘nother discussion when it comes to who is who and what is what. Hebrews 1:14 tells us angels are servants whose role is to care for people who will inherit salvation. Angels are God’s messengers. They are God’s protectors of His people (Dan. 6:22). They are created to worship God (Is. 6:3). They are God’s warriors (2 Kings 19:35). As great as angels are, God did not send His Son to die for them. God so loved humans he came as a human to die for humans. (And we don’t get wings)
So…what do you say to someone while standing at a casket or graveside? Sometimes absolutely nothing. Don’t even say, “Call me if you need something.” Most won’t, but one of the ladies made a great suggestion. She lost her husband suddenly and she now visits to show her love and sympathy but then a short while later will call that person and say, “I have been thinking of you. Let’s grab lunch today or tomorrow (set a specific time).” Sometimes the best thing to do is to cry with them or let them cry. Don’t judge. Don’t tell them they will get over it or need to get over it. And please, don’t tell them “God gained another angel.”
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Tags: Death, Empathy, Friendship, God, Grace, Kindness, Love, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Suffering, Sympathy
Thursday, January 23rd, 2025
God’s provision is seen in so many ways. I’d like to share two of them with you today.
The first is from a section of Scripture that gets a lot of traction simply because of its unrelenting grace and goodness of God. The people of Israel have been major complainers for quite a long time. They complained about the servitude in Egypt. God raised up Moses to lead His people out of Egypt. They complained and panicked when they saw Pharaoh’s army coming and they were trapped between the Red Sea and the army. They complained about a lack of water so God told Moses to strike a rock. They complained about a lack of food so God provided manna and quail. It blows me away to see how God took care of His people. I read this morning about God’s abundance in Psalm 50:9-11: “But I do not need the bulls from your barns or the goats from your pens. For all the animals of the forest are mine, and I own the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird on the mountains, and all the animals of the field are mine.” And yet, when you read passages like Exodus 16-17 one can’t help but be amazed at God’s willingness to provide for His people, even though they were ungrateful and wayward at times. Even though they were faithless and discontented way too often, He continued to provide out of His grace! They certainly didn’t deserve it but it was given nonetheless.
The second kind of provision is one you might never give a thought to. Last night at midnight I received a call from someone in the church that her mother had passed. This lady was an elegant 97 year old. Her “boyfriend” of almost 20 years passed away last October one month shy of being 101. I have boyfriend in quotes because she kept saying, “He is not my boyfriend” but at his deathbed she said, “Thank you for being my boyfriend.” 🙂 Ruth fell and broke her hip this past Sunday morning and a CAT scan showed she had suffered a stroke a few days before. I visited her Tuesday and knew it would not be long. She was a sweet lady and she got a chuckle whenever I saw her, hugged and said, “Good morning gorgeous!” Sometimes she would giggle. Sometimes she would roll her eyes. God’s provision for her is a home built just for her. John 14: 2-3 says, “There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” Ruth is home in a home provided for her by the Father. The great part is that I will see her again.
God’s grace and provision is seen in so many ways. I just gave you two of them. Can you think of any more?
Note: All Scripture is from the New Living Translation
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Tags: Christian Living, Death, Generosity, God, God's Provison, Heaven, Kindness, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Story
Monday, January 20th, 2025
On one of the old Happy Days TV programs, teenager Richie Cunningham had just been “grounded for life” by his father for misbehavior. As father and son talked about Richie’s misdeed and the punishment, Howard Cunningham asked his son, “Do you know that there is a lesson in this for you?” Richie’s response was priceless: “I figured anything with this much pain had to have a lesson in it somewhere.” How true, Richie, how true. It is a given that more lessons, more life-changing and life-altering lessons, are learned through difficulties and trials than through ease. In fact, I would venture to say the answer would be zero lessons learned when life is easy.
As I preached on this yesterday I used the illustration of the death of my father-in-law. In 1998 he was being operated on to have a triple by-pass redone. They had done one years before but could not find any evidence of it. During the operation, they were able to do two of the by-passes and when they opened them up they “pinked up” perfectly. But suddenly all the plaque from the old ones let loose and he died on the operating table. I was unprepared for that. Several days later I did his funeral service and held myself together for that. But following that and the meal which followed I went out by myself and bawled like a baby in my van. In 25 years I had never lost someone super close to me and I had done tons of funerals. For the first time I had truly felt the pain of losing someone I loved. I was closer to him than I was my own flesh and blood father. He told me once he was unsure how he felt about his daughter marrying a pastor (more about how he would act around me), but that she chose well and he was proud I was his son-in-law. He could be funny and “earthy” at the same time. He once got a smirk on his face as he began working on my taxes and lit up a cigar. He knew I was allergic to it but the smell was awful. It literally gagged me. He bust out laughing because he knew that would be my reaction and I would leave the office. At the same time, he loved his family and that included me. His love for his two granddaughters was a sight to watch.
I learned a lot through his death. I became “human” as a pastor. I now understood the pain people felt at the loss of a loved one. I no longer participated in a funeral as a detached entity. I try to remember that, even today, soon-to-be 27 years removed from his death. Empathy is a big thing. Take the time to slow down and hear people’s hearts ache. Lend an ear. Better yet, lend a hand or a shoulder. My biggest lesson was not learned in a time of ease, but in the fire.
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Tags: Christian Living, Death, Empathy, Friendship, Kindness, Love, Mercy, Opinion, Reflection
Wednesday, October 9th, 2024
Famous people born on October 9th. Tony Shaloub (OCD Monk). Jackson (“Doctor my eyes” & “Mr. Bojangles”) Browne. John Lennon (Ever heard of him?). Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap and Star Trek: Enterprise…See a pattern? NCIS: New Orleans). Sharon Osbourne (oh…yay). And others.
Famous people who died on October 9th: Oskar Schindler (a hero to many). Jacques Derrida & Che Guevara (I should be sad to them gone why?). And others.
One more: Me. 🙂 It is funny how perspectives change…but then again, they really don’t. Life is just looked at from different angles. When I was a young boy and my parents were in their 30s and my grandparents were in their 50s, I thought they were ancient. 🙂 As I aged, so did they. My mom had medical issues in her 40s that required surgery; my dad had a heart attack at 48; my grandfather had a knee replaced in his 70s. His job with USS and his bowed-legs did him in. I’ll soon be joining his club due to my own bowed legs and playing sports (especially basketball) way past my prime. My age and his are eerily close. My mom went to be with Jesus one month shy of her 72nd birthday from a rare form of lung cancer which struck woman who were non-smokers. My grandmother died of lymph node cancer. My grandfather lived to be close to 90. My dad died at 90 with Alzheimer’s.
All of that seems surreal when one is young and looking through the window. But, in time, that window becomes a mirror. At 72, I’m not ready to cash it in. I’m not ready to retire. I absolutely love what I do and don’t see myself doing anything else (especially being a Walmart greeter). 🙂 But I also realize my time is not in my hands. My favorite verses of the Bible are found in my favorite chapter: Psalm 37. They have sustained me and are my go-to verses. “Trust in the Lord and do good…Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you….Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act…Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper-it only leads to harm.” (verses 3-8). Verses 23-25 says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned.” (NLT)
I, you, have no control over our future. My DeLorean can be packed and ready to travel but no time machine can change God’s plans and timing. Yes, I am 72. I have less years left than I have lived. But I know, while I have no control over how many, I do know I want to live them full tilt. While Jo wants me to retire, or at least slow down (to a crawl), that is not my plan…unless God says otherwise.
Have a full and blessed day my friends. I certainly plan to do so. As an old song once said, “The longer I serve Him the sweeter He grows.”
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Death, Full life, God, God's Plan, Ministry, Old age, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Scripture look, Story, Thanksgiving, Worship
Tuesday, July 16th, 2024
One last devotion…(I think). 🙂
The past week or so of devotions here at “Shadow” I have been writing and telling you about a book that had a profound impact on me-Out of the Blue by Greg Murtha. (Those dates are July 9, 10, 11, and 15). At the age of 46, Greg, a healthy runner and athlete, go-to leader, husband and father, was stricken with Agressive Stage III Colon Cancer. He endured 95 chemo treatments over 5 years, but on June 22, 2017 he “moved to the front of the line” to use his words. He completed his book on June 15th in room 8637 of Vanderbilt University Medical Center’s CCU.
As I finished reading his book for the second time (the first I barely remember), I was overwhelmed with emotion. I shed some tears for a life well-lived, but also because it struck close to home. Not me. I just lost a friend to cancer and another has brain cancer. This book chronicling his thoughts and actions of the last 5 years of his life deeply and profoundly impacted me and caused me to stop and evaluate my own life.
I once read that Joni, the well-known Christ-follower who has been a quadriplegic for over 50 years, was once asked if she would change anything. She said, “No. I thank God for the accident and my wheelchair.” (edited by me). Several times Greg said virtually the same thing, i.e. he was thankful for the cancer that totally changed his life. It slowed him down. It woke him to the needs of others. It brought him to the point of listening to God. He would go for treatment, into a store, into a room and notice people most would miss-people who needed a hug, or who were hurting, had tears in their eyes, or simply needed a word of encouragement, or a prayer. And he was not ashamed to offer that.
He wrote the following:
“I’m learning that being present in the moment is what is important. Being the church wherever I am-that’s what matters. Listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit is paramount to living a life of adventure.” (p. 160)
I’ll close by simply saying that I want that. Healthy or not I want to be present in the moment. I want to be the church, a representative of Christ, where I am and to whomever I come across. Will you join me?
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Death, God's Plan, Grace, Humility, Kindness, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Story, Suffering, Surrender
Monday, July 15th, 2024
“Every man dies. Not every man lives.” (William Wallace in Braveheart)
I can remember the first time I watched Braveheart. I was working my way through the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and I was being challenged to be really alive and how many men miss doing just that. I found myself reminiscing and asking myself if I had ever felt really alive. My answer is private but my reaction to the quote revolutionized how I looked at life from the point on. I have been posting about reading Greg Murtha’s book, Out of the Blue. In chapter 12, titled “My Final Chapter” Greg opened up with this blurb: When I check out of hotel Earth, please don’t say, ‘Greg lost his battle with cancer.’ That will not be the truth. No, when that time comes, when I get to the front of the line, it will be a point in time when I have never been more alive, and it will be an epic win.” (p.183)
39 year-old Dietrich Bonhoeffer, theologian and opponent of Nazism, had these last words: “This is the end. For me, the beginning of life.” (Murtha-p.188)
“A camp doctor who witnessed Bonhoeffer’s hanging described the scene: ‘Through the half-open door in one room of the huts, I saw Pastor Bonhoeffer, before taking off his prison garb, kneeling on the floor praying fervently to his God. I was most deeply moved by the way this lovable man prayed, so devout and so certain that God heard his prayer. At the place of execution, he again said a prayer and then climbed the steps to the gallows, brave and composed. His death ensued in a few seconds. In the almost 50 years that I have worked as a doctor, I have hardly ever seen a man die so entirely submissive to the will of God.'” (Murtha-p.188)
What gives Greg and what gives Bonhoeffer the ability to face death as they did? Perhaps you know of some who looked at death the very same way. On the other hand, I suspect we all know people who were fearful of death. In my over 50 years as a pastor I have seen both. And I would much rather see the one who has no fear of death. For the follower of Christ, death is the doorway to life.
When I die, I want the door swung wide open. I’m bringing my bike along (well…not literally). I certainly can’t dance so I hope He will let me ride. 🙂 I don’t want a mournful memorial; I want a celebration. While you are at it, take a moment to listen to this song.
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Death, Eternity, God's Plan, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Story, Surrender
Tuesday, June 4th, 2024
Have you ever met someone whom you then know for years and don’t realize the impact you both have on each other? That is what happened to me back around 2006. One of the women in the church I pastor had a grandmother in a local nursing home. One day I went to visit her and in the process met her daughter. Her name was Carole.
Today, I have the privilege of conducting Carole’s funeral. Over the years my friendship with Carole deepened. I was there when her mother passed. I was there when her husband suffered from Parkinson’s and dementia and then passed. She attended another church in another town but that didn’t matter. After her husband of 50+ years passed, she began attending the church I pastor with her daughter and son-in-law. She was more traditional (hymns, suits and ties, etc) but she came anyway, until her health wouldn’t allow her. But I went to visit her in her home and would laugh and chat with her, and pray with her before I left. The past year or so had been one of excruciating pain and virtually being home bound, but she still had joy. (She made sure, even in the Hospice House bed, that we knew that before she became non-communicative).
Last Friday morning Carole met Jesus. I am convinced He met her with open arms. I suspect standing beside Him was her husband and her mother as part of the welcoming committee. Sure, there is speculation in what may actually happen, but it doesn’t matter. We can dream and speculate. But there is one truth that remains: Jesus has prepared a place for her-a mansion some call it-but I wouldn’t care if it was a shack. It’s a home in heaven.
My life is richer because of Carole. I have been told her life was richer because of me. I guess being asked to do her funeral is proof of that. 🙂 My last words to her when I left the Hospice House on Thursday (the day before her death) were “I love you Carole. I’ll see you later.”
I will.
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Tags: Death, God's Plan, God's promise, Heaven, Jesus, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Monday, April 22nd, 2024
“Thanks for the memories.”
A lot can be said when you see the eyes close or the last breath taken as I did when my mother passed. Or a friend. While I did not actually see this happen, I was there within 5 minutes of it. Last Thursday, my friend of 30+ years-my cycling buddy, my laughing buddy, my friend-finally lost his 14 year battle with cancer. But those 14 years were full!
Jim was diagnosed with cancer and was put through the ringer. Surgery. Chemicals. Chemo (which is chemicals). Holistic approach. More chemo. But those 14 years-as were the year before-were filled with skiing, boating, scuba diving, cycling, hunting, fishing-the list seems endless. He once took a whole winter and worked two jobs. One as a paper salesman which he could do remotely, and the other as a hot tub “fixer” in Utah. That allowed him to ski almost daily. 🙂 Jim truly lived life to the max. It was 2-3 short months ago the cancer specialist told him there was nothing more they could do because while on chemo he still developed spots on his liver. It was literally all through him. Even then he lived bravely. I was able to drive the 150 miles to visit him every other week for 8 weeks. Last Thursday, which I figured would probably be my last visit, Jo and I were 5 minutes away from his home when Tina, his wife, called to say Jim had just passed away. 5 minutes! But now my reason to visit changed. It changed from reminiscing and encouraging my friend to consoling a hurting wife.
Jim would have wanted it that way. His cremains will be spread outdoors because, again, it was a picture of his life. The late Tim Hansel wrote a book called You Gotta Keep Dancin’ (@1985). Tim also live life to the fullest even after a mountain climbing accident led to a lifetime of excruciating pain. He closed out his book with this little ditty:
There is no box made by God nor us but that sides can be flattened out and the top blown off to make a dance floor on which to celebrate life. (Kenneth Caraway)
Jim danced. Jim is dancing. He knew Jesus. “Thanks for the memories my friend.”
And now to you. What kind of memories will you leave behind?
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Tags: Death, Friendship, Influence, Legacy, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Monday, October 16th, 2023
“While there is breath, there is hope.”
I read that this morning. How appropriate. This past weekend we (Jo, Tami and I) traveled to Ohio to see our daughter/sister, Janna, and our grandson/nephew, Braden. While there we received a call (Thursday) from the dialysis center that Jo’s sister, who is in a nursing home with diabetes, dementia, and other maladies, had suffered what they thought was angonal breathing (Google it). They took her to the ER and admitted her. From that point we were 2+ hours away. From our home in Indiana we are 6-7+ hours away. Long story short, they believe she actually had some type of seizure and then admitted her that night to the ICU with another one. We received word yesterday afternoon (Sunday) they were releasing her to the nursing home.
“While there is still breath, there is hope.”
Vicki has lived a long life (74 years). Not so a 5 year old boy named John (named changed). John has had a glioblastoma since sometime in 2022. (Sorry the exact date escapes me). Long past the expected lifespan, John continues to fight as do his parents and doctors. As do I. Only my fight is the prayer version. I will pray until John breathes his last breath…or me. It would thrill me if my last breath was before his.
What a testimony it would be if John was healed. Only God knows, of course. Only God decides when each of us will die. He does not heal everyone, least not physically here on earth. But He has promised a great retirement plan for those who love Him, and especially children. Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (ESV). Our days are known only to Him.
“While there is breath, there is hope.”
Thank you to Lori Hatcher. That statement was from her book Refresh Your Hope published by Our Daily Bread.
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Tags: Christian Living, Death, Life, Opinion, Prayer, Reflection, Scripture look, Suffering, Thanksgiving
Monday, September 25th, 2023
Bryan Johnson is sad.
Not sad as in “Boo-hoo” sad. Not the “cry-me-a-river” type of sad.
But sad as in the “clueless” department.
So you might be wondering, “Who in the world is Bryan Johnson?” (No, I am not talking about the lead singer of AC/DC. Besides, he spells his name with an “i.”) You can Google his name or you can take my word for it in my short synopsis. Bryan was a tech millionaire who sold his BioHacking company to PayPal for $800million. Yeah, you read that right. That’s not a bad thing. I don’t begrudge that at all. More power to him.
Here’s what is sad. Bryan Johnson is on a quest for immortality. You read that right: I.M.M.O.R.T.A.L.I.T.Y. To accomplish that he has some strange habits. He takes 111 pills a day. He goes to bed every night at 8:30 and is up by 6:00. There is nothing in his bedroom besides his bed, except a laser face shield that shoots collagen into his face, and one unmentionable item I’ll let you research. He avoids the sun. He doesn’t go out at night. He drives 16 mph (He would be one who would put me in an early grave if I was following him). He has multiple other habits.
I’ve seen stickers on trucks that say, “Silly boy.Trucks are for girls!” I want to say to Bryan, “Silly Bryan. Immortality is for One.” He believes at age 46 (which he is as I write this) that he has a heart of a 37 year old and the bones of a 30 year old. His goal is to be 18…and to live forever.
Sadly, he is moving in the area of F.U.T.I.L.I.T.Y. There is only ONE who has conquered death and it isn’t and won’t be Bryan.
I hope Bryan learns soon enough, i.e. sooner than later, that he is wasting his time and $2million/year for nothing. Envious? Not a bit. One half of what he is spending is more than I’ll make my entire lifetime. Personally, I hope he learns the lesson of the rich man that Jesus taught about in Luke 12. It says the land of the rich man produced plentifully so he thought to himself, “What shall I do? I know. I’ll build bigger barns. You know…eat, drink and be merry.” But that night God said to him, “You fool! This night your soul is required of you.” What good was his money then?
I sincerely hope Bryan learns sooner than later that one thing is certain: we all die. He won’t cheat that. His money will not get him out of the one date we all will keep. No concoction will save him. There will come a day when Bryan will go the way of all of us. I just hope he finds out before it is too late.
To die in his lost condition? Now that would be sad.
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Tags: Death, God's Plan, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Reflection, Salvation, Scripture look, Story, Truth Telling
