As I continue reading Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim- her book on having an autistic child who was also diagnosed with ADHD/ADD at the age of 2 and the crisis it brought personally, professionally, and spiritually- my eyes are continually being opened wider. Here is one example why:
“A rogue wave called autism had struck, leaving me sputtering with shock and indignity. In its wake, I was swept along into a career change I never signed up for: full-time caregiver, case manager, disability advocate, and traffic controller. Now my days were spent floundering amidst the waves of therapeutic professionals who cycled in and out of our home, specialists I’d never heard of before with a dizzying array of acronyms: LSW, ABA, OT, SLP, BCBA. Daily, for forty hours a week, as soon as one wave rolled out, another rolled in.”
“Dipping into the reserves of a faith bottomed out, I sagely accepted my new calling: Help the Poor Child. A forced perma-smile betrayed clenched teeth that gritted out my new mantra. “I’m trusting God. I’m trusting God. I’m trusting God…” But inside, I was wrecked. Our son was cognitively disabled; I was now spiritually crippled. Both of us needed urgent and intensive intervention. But therapists only came for him.” (pp.39-40)
It was that latter phrase which struck me: They both needed intervention but therapists only came for him. That is a common problem I have encountered when I have talked with people of special-needs children. The child gets the attention, but what about the parent, the caregiver? It is sort of like the pastor who gives and gives without taking time off and then finally finds himself burned out, having an affair, or needing a therapist because of depression. Many parents of special-needs children are forgotten amidst the difficulty of their lives. Diane is not afraid to admit it led to a real crisis in her faith and she hit rock bottom. The sad part is there will be those “Christians” who will chide her or condemn her or think less of her because she is willing to admit that. IMHO that is one of the first steps needed to be taken for healing to begin.
My takeaway: instead of condemning or even opening our mouth, perhaps a listening ear or a sympathetic “Here, let me carry that load with you for awhile” is what is needed. While the attention is rightfully on the child, let’s not lose sight of the parent(s) who are also struggling and often feeling abandoned. I personally believe that is exactly what Jesus would have done.
Jo, Tami and I are leaving for Ohio today and will be back in town on Saturday after watching Braden (grandson/nephew) play a few games of baseball. I’m not sure about posting tomorrow but your prayers for safe travel sure would be appreciated.