Friendship

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February 29

Thursday, February 29th, 2024

LEAP YEAR!

The ways of God never cease to amaze me. Who would have known-other than Him-that one of the more horrific times in my life would lead to a friendship that is like “brothers from another mother.”

In November of 2016 I was hit by a hit-n-run driver while riding my bike. It was in the afternoon; I was wearing bright clothing; and I was hit by an SUV’s rearview mirror on my left hip. While I laid in the middle of the highway, I watched as the driver took off, never once putting on a brake or to see if I was okay. (Yeah, I believe it was intentional. There are some idiots on the road. Ask the guy who got so close to me I felt his breeze on my leg then gave me the finger). Anyway…

I had had a little interest in an organization called 3 Feet Please but after this incident my interest ramped up. Its goal is to advocate for 3 feet of distance between car and rider and make it a law. Little did I know the leadership of 3FP had changed from a man in Florida to a man in Arizona. Dave and I struck up an email conversation which graduated to more regular contact. Then one weekend he came to visit. He spent 2 winters in Maine to get out of the heat in AZ (yeah he needs his head examined 🙂 ) and stopped to visit on his way through. There have been multiple other visits, emails, texts, and phone calls until our trip to AZ last week was the icing on the cake.

Both our wives agree we are too much alike in many respects. While I am an extreme extrovert and he’s an introvert whose brain never stops, he knows so much more about certain areas of “life” than me. Our wives would say we are “brothers from another mother.”

As we visited I had decided on the flight there to take an aggressive approach to reading Proverbs. Normally, I take one chapter a day every other month. This time I decided to read the whole book while on vacation, which meant 4 chapters a day. As a result, I read two Scriptures that particularly meant more to me. “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” (Pr. 18:24). The other says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Pr. 27:17).

True friendship is hard to find, let alone experience, especially for men. At 71 I can look back and see men I’ve been friends with. That tends to be characteristic of my personality. Except for one, they have all come and gone…more like acquaintances. This friendship with Dave is special. Sort of like David and Jonathan’s. We are good for each other.  Our wives agree-even though we can be a bit wacky and off the wall.

I thank God for a much-needed and much-appreciated friendship. Do you have one you can lean on?

February 28

Wednesday, February 28th, 2024

We are back! After a 7-day excursion to Gilbert, Phoenix, Sedona, Scottsdale, and the Grand Canyon, we arrived safely home last night…a 1/2 hour early and ahead of the storm (that didn’t come until around 2:00 a.m.). I suspect you may  be expecting a “book” from me about all the stops and shopping and sights…but words fail me. Surprise! Surprise!

Thanks to the graciousness of a friend and his very longsuffering wife, 🙂  Jo and I had the vacation many people dream of. Having the freedom of a car at our disposal allowed us the ability to just come and go. I had a chance on Thursday to meet a long time blogging friend, Floyd, in Scottsdale where Jo and I were treated to lunch (against my protests). We had some of the best pulled pork I have ever tasted, as well as some of the best BBQ sauce, along with the added enjoyment of meeting Dave and Susan’s family and extended family. We spent two nights in Sedona where the stories of the vortex and the center of the hippie/New Age Movement was/is focused. I stayed away from the psychics, etc. 🙂 We took a 5 hour round trip to the Grand Canyon where I felt like I was going to be blown away by a very chilly 20 mph wind and with the grandeur of God’s creation on display. The only words I could think of were “The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display His craftsmanship.” (Ps.19:1)  “When I look at the night and see the work of Your fingers-the moon and stars you set in place-what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?” (Ps. 8:3-4)  But it wasn’t just the Grand Canyon! Camelback Mountain. “Snoopy Rock.” Tea Pot Rock. Red Rock City. So much more.

You know what I’m praying? That the wonder doesn’t go away. May I be ever mindful of the wonder of God’s creation, the joy of new things, and the value of friendships that will last well into eternity, even when separated by thousands of miles in distance. 

Thank you Dave and Susan for the gift of your friendship and the once in a lifetime trip. And “Thank You, Father, for the incredible display of your creative genius.”

{Note: All Scripture from the New Living Translation}

February 14

Wednesday, February 14th, 2024

Have you ever noticed that there are typically two kinds of people dealing with Valentine’s Day? There are those to love it. They go all out-flowers, cards, eating out (or cooking a candlelight dinner…since when?). On the other hand are those who loathe the day. Love has left them high and dry. Disappointed. Broken.

Disregarding the love/loathe feelings, the idea behind the day-expressing love-is a good one (although it has become a tad bit too cheesy and commercial).

The very first date Jo and I went on was back in 1971, near the end of our freshman year in college. I borrowed a car and we were off to another town to see the movie everyone was raving about-Love Story-starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw. Without researching it I couldn’t tell you much about the movie except 3 things: 1) Ali was a beautiful woman; 2) I think she was dying; and 3) one of the stupidest statements about love came from that movie. That saying was “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Say what? If that’s the case I’ve just wasted 50+ years of being married to the same woman! If I had a dollar for every time I have had to say, “I’m sorry” I could retire and live off the interest! I realize there are bullies and arrogant people who either blame others consistently or cannot look in the mirror and admit they make mistakes. But seriously? Never?

Love is an elusive definition. The Apostle Paul described love in perhaps the most recognized Scripture and description. He described love as being kind, patient, not jealous, not proud, not demanding, not a record-keeper, not a “rejoicer” in wrong but a “rejoicer” in truth. But even that falls short when you consider a cross on a hill when the perfect Lover gave His life for all people so sin can be defeated and death vanquished.

He never had to say, “I’m sorry.” But we who look at that cross should fall to our knees in tears and repentance with those two words flowing from our lips: “I’m sorry my sin put you there.”

After all, “No greater love has a man than this than a man lay down his life for his friends.” Happy real Valentine’s Day.

February 12

Monday, February 12th, 2024

Today is Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. It is now part of what is being called President’s Day which is a celebration on February 19th, a conglomerate of Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s birthday (22nd). I can remember when we used to celebrate them separately. Now I can’t even remember when that changed. Perhaps that happened when we got all “revisionist history?” I don’t know. My post today is not going to go down that rabbit trail.

Instead, Abraham Lincoln was known for making wise statements. I’d like to take a brief look at two of them.

One actually finds it roots in the Old Testament book of Proverbs. Lincoln once said, “It is better to keep your mouth shut and thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Those words are very similar to those found in Proverbs 17:28.

The other is a bit more confrontive. With the Civil War spawning bitter feelings all across our country, Abe saw fit to speak a kind word about the south. A shocked bystander asked him how he could do that. His answer was poignant: “Madam, do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friend?”

Jesus once said, “Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you.” (Mt. 5:43). “If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If you are thirsty, give them water to drink. You will reap burning coals of shame on their heads, and the Lord will reward you.” (Pr. 25:21-22).

Instead of responding tit for tat, let’s respond as Jesus has told us, and as Proverbs has encouraged us to. There is power in our actions…or inaction.

{Note: All Scripture is from the New Living Translation}

October 19

Thursday, October 19th, 2023

It seems incredible to me, and maybe to you as well, that on a planet of millions of people, in this world of school, work, sports, church, organizations, family, friends and a whole host of other options, there are people where one emotion would describe their world.

LONELINESS

Singer, Roy Orbison (probably before your time) captured that emotion in a song he called “Only the Lonely.” A couple of the lines were “Only the lonely know the way I feel tonight…Only the lonely know the heartaches I’ve been through.” That song resonated with a lot of people.

The soft rock group, America (again, probably before your time), sang, “This is for all the lonely people/Thinking that life has passed them by/Don’t give up ’til you drink from the silver cup/And ride that highway to the sky.” Yeah…like many of America’s lyrics I’m not totally sure what that is saying except, “Don’t quit. Don’t give up. There is someone who cares.”

Dan Peek, the writer of that song, once said that even though he had achieved success, he had cut ties with his family and friends, and was in fact, lonely.

Tragic isn’t it? One has the world by its proverbial tail and still has nothing. One can have it all; one can have nothing; and still be lonely.

Jesus spent 3 1/2 years with many lonely people. But He didn’t leave them lonely. The woman scorned by so many, bankrupt because of a blood issue, took one last grasp to the hem of Jesus’ garment and was made whole. The man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5 who was abandoned and had no one to help get him into the water found his health and purpose when Jesus reached out to Him and said he was healed. The outcast leper (multiple times) whom Jesus touched and healed and gave life and hope back to him.

Maybe you. I want you to know you are not alone. I don’t know your situation, and you possibly don’t know me. I want you to know that if you reach out to me, I’ll listen. I’ll listen because I have Jesus in me and He doesn’t want you lonely.

Oh…and by the way: Dan Peek changed his tune. Before He passed away in 2011, he came to know Jesus and left America because he tired of the emptiness of the sex and drugs lifestyle. He found the solution to being lonely. You can too. It is not in stuff or pursuits. It is a Person. His name is Jesus.

October 10

Tuesday, October 10th, 2023

I had a good day yesterday…my birthday. I did absolutely nothing. That’s good and bad. While I worked in the office early and had a staff meeting that lasted all morning due to various reasons, I was unable to go to the Y or for a ride.  🙁  However, I had lunch with Jo and Tami (our adult daughter who is on Fall Break from teaching K kids…thanks Tami), then drove to Terre Haute to pick up my Pathfinder. It had been in the shop since last Thursday. That’s when the fun began.

I did absolutely nothing. Unless you count reading, laughing and eating ice cream nothing.  I call it doing what I like to do when I don’t have anything else to do or want to do! 🙂

Honestly? I needed it. After a very busy weekend (I had a wedding rehearsal and ceremony), preaching twice in the morning, and small group I needed a slow day. Plus my schedule in 2023 has been full and hectic. Time away is needed by me and Jo, but such is our life right now and the holidays coming, that it isn’t going to happen. I do have several outlets  (biking and the Y), but sometimes one needs more. Sometimes time away is essential.  We are hoping 2024 works out for us.

What started me thinking of this (besides my own fatigue and realization)? I read a quote by former MLB player, Andrelton Simmons: “Most people carry scars that others can’t see or understand.”  He walked away from baseball in 2020 due to mental health issues.

Several thoughts went through my mind when I read about him. First, we are sometimes very good covering up the real “me.” “Never let ’em see you sweat” is the saying that goes through my head. To let someone see who you really are is often seen as a sign of weakness to admit we even have a struggle. NO. NO it’s not! It is a sign of strength to admit it.

Second, no one dare criticize another who is going through a crisis. I need to constantly remind myself that “there but by the grace of God go I.” That could have been me. He is right. We all have scars. I know I do. And I need to remember to do as Joe Simon once sang about: “Walk a mile in my shoes.” Truthfully, we all need to walk a mile in someone’s moccasins before we dismiss or criticize them.

Jesus empathized with us. Hebrews 5:15 says, “For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” He knows. He understands. He stands with us. Next to us. Holding us up. Giving us His strength.

Don’t hide. Don’t pretend all is okay. Get help. Be honest. You are not alone.

September 26

Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

You have probably heard the joke about 2 friends who were hunting in the woods when they saw a large, mean grizzly bear begin to approach them. One of the men turned to take off running and the other said, “You don’t think you are going to outrun that grizzly do you?” He said, “I don’t have to. I just have to outrun you.”

What a great friend! (I will now remove my firmly implanted tongue in my cheek).

I suspect we have all had friends like that. We call them “fair weather” friends, for that is truly what they are. They are with you until it gets sticky or too hot in the kitchen. Tragically, I have read and know of friendships that fell apart with an accusation, a word behind the back, a betrayal, or simply a lack of trust.

Here are a few questions to consider: When someone says something about a friend, what is your reaction? Do you defend your friend? Do you allow yourself to be swayed, to have some doubt? Do you betray your friend by piling on the accusations or simply by saying nothing at all? I remember many years ago defending a friend (Person A) against accusations made by a coworker (Person B).  For the record, we did not work in the same place. It strained the friendship with Person B. Then years later I found out what he said was true. The other man’s (Person A) wife left him; he lost his family; he lost his ministry; and a lot of people were hurt by his duplicity. I apologized for my defense and the breach in our friendship to Person B when I heard the truth.

I honestly did what a friend should do. I heard the accusations from others. I went to the accused and was told they were all lies. I then defended the friend. But sometimes friendship is sticky, especially when you feel like you are in the middle. This time was like that. I don’t regret defending a friend. What I did regret is straining another friendship, only to find out what was being said was true.

Friendship takes work. Friendships are hard. Jesus once said, “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down His life for a friend.”

Be a friend, even when it gets sticky. I’d rather be loyal to a friend and maybe find out later that trust was misplaced, than walk out on a friend and find out my trust was really needed and the accusations were false.

September 19

Tuesday, September 19th, 2023

It was the middle of my 7th grade year at Edison Jr High. We moved from 287 Utah Ave to 930 Commonwealth Ave. That might not seem like a big deal to kids these days, but to me it was.

New home. New school district= new school. Say what? You read that right: N.E.W. S.C.H.O.O.L. In the middle of the 7th grade.  To my recollection, we had never lived outside the projects.  I know we moved a couple of times, but all within the projects and that was for a place with more bedrooms.  But always within Emerson Elementary or Edison Jr High.

But this move took me to Homeville Jr High. New school. New teachers. New surroundings. New classmates. Even for this extrovert that was sort of daunting. (It didn’t take me long though to lose any reserve I might have had). 🙂

I remember though, one Spring-like day going up the back steps our of our patio to the upper layer of our yard and walking to the playground at the top of the hill. It had some swings and a couple of hoops. There was someone there who let me shoot around (if you can call it that at that stage of my career) with him. It was soon time for him to leave when an angel in the house next to the playground-who had been sitting on her porch watching-said, “You must be new around here. My name is Mrs. John. Would you like some cookies and iced tea?” Well…yeah! Only I didn’t say it like that. I was taught manners like “Yes m’am.” So began a 5-year cookie and iced tea rendezvous. Sometimes I would play then visit. Sometimes I would just walk up and visit. I went away to college and would still visit on breaks.  I graduated and still have the Nave’s Topical Bible (even though it is King James) and the Spurgeon’s Treasury of Psalms she gave me as graduation gifts.

Mrs. John is now with Jesus…for a long time now. I’m sure this angel with the chocolate-chip cookie-open-door policy heard “Well done, good and faithful servant” when she was called home to be with the Jesus she loved so much and exhibited so clearly to a somewhat disoriented 7th grade boy.

Moral: never shy away from sharing-in big and small ways-the heart of Jesus. “Thank you Mrs John for the cookies and tea, and the conversations in your kitchen, on your pack porch, and in your living room. But, most of all, thank you for showing me Jesus.”

Who might you thank for something big or small? Better  yet, will someone thank you for your show of Jesus by an act of love?

August 23

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2023

Today is an interesting day. I have some things planned that will make for a busy day But it is also a day of nostalgia.

First, it is my youngest daughter’s birthday. I won’t tell you how old she is because that would give you a hint of how old I am. 🙂 (For the record: 70).  I also will NOT give her age since I was always taught you never ask or volunteer a woman’s age. She doesn’t read this so I could say anything I wanted and she would never know! However, I won’t do that because you all would be like, “Oh man, cut the syrupy, ‘I’m-so-proud-of-her’ stuff.” I mean, just because she has survived and is a great mom to my favorite grandson and that I am so proud of the lady she has become, why should you have to weave through all of that? Right? Happy Birthday to my #2 daughter (in age since I love them both equally).

Second, Jo and I attended the second funeral visitation in a week. This time it was probably the first friend Jo had (and they remained that for 13 years) when we moved to Terre Haute until we moved away in 2000. However, when we were able to see them, it was like we were never gone for the two ladies. Myrna was a godly woman whose love for God, her husband, two children and multiple grandchildren never waned. Even after Alzheimer’s hit her 3 years ago. We stood in line for close to 2 1/2 hours to see Randy, Ryan, and Cassidy (Janna’s first best friend in TH).

Pastor Greg Laurie wrote in his devotion book, Everyday with Jesus, about the word “depart” found in Philippians 1:23. The Apostle Paul wrote, “My desire is to depart and be with Jesus, for that is far better.” The word depart has some interesting pictures.

  • One it means “to strike the tent” or “to break camp.”  It’s like wilderness camping (which I have never done) and you can’t wait to get a shower. 🙂  (Now you know why I have never camped that way. MacGyver I’m not).
  • Two, a prisoner being released from chains. Myrna is no longer chained to a failing body or mind.
  • Three, it was used to used to describe untying a boat from its moorings prior to setting sail.

I don’t need to apply those. You can do that. Heaven is better by far. Those words lead to that conclusion.

An interesting day of nostalgia for sure. The high of a daughter’s birthday. The sense of loss but the “high” of a friend’s homegoing and release from this body of death.  That is better by far.

August 22

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2023

It has been said that we are known by the company we keep. A wise man once wrote: “Do not make friends with a person given to anger, or go with a hot-tempered person, or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself.”  In case you don’t recognize it, that wise man is Solomon and the saying from Proverbs 22:24-25 (NASB2020). It’s from the Bible. You know…that outdated and irrelevant book. (Okay, so that comment was a bit snarky 🙂 )

The truth of that statement has been proven down through the years. All I need to do is give a word or initial or two and you can see how true it is. Nazis. KKK. Black Panther. Nation of Islam. SDS. El-Qaeda. CCS. PP. History is replete with subversive groups, groups with their own agenda, groups who have made their mark (not always good either). There wouldn’t be groups like this if there weren’t “like” thinkers. “Birds of a feather flock together” is what we will say.

The church should be made up of like-minded individuals. Not cookie cutters, but people with a common goal. People who desire to mold together as a unit to fight our real enemy, not each other, but the one who can kill the soul.

I read I Timothy 1 this morning. I was struck again by the Apostle Paul’s words to Timothy in verses 12-17. My short version is “I was that but now I’m this.” “I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and violent aggressor, but I’ve received mercy. I’m no longer the chief of sinners but an example of a changed life.” Paul was part of a saved family. His goals changed. The company he kept changed.

He was now known by the company he keeps, not kept. What was, is exactly that, was. He’d rather be known by his new company. Please remember we are known by the company we keep. The question remains: who will do the influencing?