Friendship
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Monday, September 16th, 2024
It never ceases to amaze me when people who say they follow Christ allow petty differences to separate them. Yes, the words or actions hurt. I am not denying that but seriously? Lifelong friends becoming the rest-of-life enemies? I read the following story awhile back and used it yesterday during a communion thought:
Esther (Eppie) and Pauline Friedman were identical twins born on July 4, 1918. At age 21 they were married to their husbands in a double wedding. In 1955 Eppie took over an advice column in the Chicago Sun-Times called “Ask Ann Landers.” Only a few months later Pauline took up a similar column, “Dear Abby,” under the name Abigail Van Buren. Trouble began when Pauline offered their hometown paper, the Sioux City Journal, a lower rate for her “Dear Abby” column if the paper promised not to print her sister’s “Ask Ann Landers.” Eppie was furious. They both became very successful advice columnists, but their relationship was never the same. They counseled people on relationships, for crying out loud! Even after they both died, their children continued the feud. (copied from Feels Like Home by Lee Eclov-p.61-62)
I shake my head at that story, finding it almost unbelievable (but it’s true). Here are two advice columnists giving advice, but they can’t or won’t take their own. Hmmm. Sounds like many Christ-followers who carry grudges long past their prime. In fact, why carry a grudge at all? I tell people that “when you carry a grudge you are a slave to that other person. They own you.” They own your thoughts. They own your actions. Sometimes they even own your sleep. I will say it bluntly: it ain’t worth it.
Stop allowing past difficulties to waylay your future. Stop allowing past differences to stymie your steps. Give it up and let the offense go. Or at least, forgive from your heart. If they refuse to reciprocate, the ball is in their court and you walk free.
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Tags: Christian Living, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grudges, Lifestyle, Love, Mercy, Opinion, Reflection
Thursday, August 29th, 2024
One word says it all. One word can turn a person’s world upside down. That word? BETRAYAL.
I’m not sure there is a much more crueler word than that one. It congers up feelings of hatred, of anger, of spoken and unspoken words. It makes our blood boil. It makes us shiver.
That word came to my mind this morning as I read a passage of Scripture. Contrary to what you may be expecting, it was not about Judas’ betrayal of Jesus. In all honesty, I’m guessing most of us probably think of that when the word betrayal is mentioned.
Actually this passage is from Psalm 55. David wrote it. There were multiple times David was betrayed so I am unsure who this is speaking of, but it is still a sharp jab to David’s side. Here is the Scripture: “It is not an enemy who taunts me-I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me-I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you-my equal, my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God.” (Verses 12-14 NLT)
What do you think? You surely sense his pain. I do. Perhaps the ultimate betrayal is from a friend. We’re not talking about the man without a country who betrays his country. We are talking about a friend who betrays a friend. David describes him as “my equal, my companion and close friend.” OUCH!
How did David survive the betrayal? Not by lashing out. Not by revenge. Not my getting even. Here is his secret:“But I will call on God, and the Lord will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice.” (55:16-17 NLT)
The next time you are betrayed (which I hope never happens) it’s not enough to say, “I should have chosen a better friend.” You could not have known. Rather, take your distress, your broken heart to God. You can’t change the actions or words of your former friend, but you can take charge of your reaction. Here’s some further advice from David: “I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm 56:11 NLT)
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Tags: Betrayal, Christian Living, Forgiveness, Friendship, Lifestyle, Opinion, Reflection, Revenge, Scripture look, Story, Suffering
Thursday, July 11th, 2024
Jo and I are in Ohio today watching our grandson play the last two games of baseball we will get to watch this summer. We came yesterday to spend the night and some time with him and Janna (our daughter), watch two ball games today and then head home. The next trip to Ohio will be Labor Day weekend to watch him play high school football and take the weekend off (my first one since February).
I am continuing to read Out of the Blue by Greg Murtha. I blogged about it the past two days. Here is something to consider that I read: Greg, by his own admission, was good at wearing masks. Cancer ripped the mask off. Sitting in a chair with others getting the same type of cancer treatment/infusion/torture left him with a vulnerability he was not used to. He wrote: “When we admit that we’re fractured in one way or another, others will risk vulnerability too.” (p.49)
Everyone of us is broken-just in different ways and in different areas. Alcohol. Drugs. Porn. Sex. Mental issues. Selfishness. Volatile reactions, i.e. anger. They are many and varied. And we try to mask them. Cancer, Greg says, breaks down walls and builds bridges. You see suffering as an upside. It draws us to each other-and to God.
Someone somewhere must admit brokenness. When that takes place, vulnerability happens. There is nothing wrong with lowering the mask and admitting, “I’m struggling.” “I’m hurting.” I think His lack of judgmentalism is one of the qualities that drew people to Jesus. They found in Him a “safe” person. So can we. The psalmist speaks often of God being our refuge, our Mount Zion. We find that in our vulnerability with Him and ultimately with our fellow strugglers.
Let’s be real. Let’s rip off the masks. Let’s start a Realness Revolution!!
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Friendship, God's Plan, Grace, Humility, Jesus, Masks, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Story, Suffering
Thursday, June 27th, 2024
All people matter to God, therefore they should matter to us.
Lately I’ve been reading a book on dementia entitled Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia by John Dunlop, MD. Because it seems to be becoming a bigger issue these days, I thought I’d read up on it and learn more. It has been an eye-opening book (in a good way). Over and over Dr Dunlop has emphasized the importance of dignity for the dementia sufferer, as well as it’s kissing cousin, Alzheimer’s.
Dr. Dunlop is a committed Christ-follower so his perspective is different than many in the medical field. Instead of writing them off as a “nuisance” and a “bother” for others, especially their caregivers, he pushes the belief that showing them dignity is first and foremost. One very helpful section is found on pages 123-125 where he gives a number of practical way we can express dignity. He does it from the perspective of entering their “world.”
But this devotion is not a book review. While he has obviously focused his attention on the dementia patient, I couldn’t help but make the correlation to others in our sphere on influence. Each person we come in contact with should be deemed a person who matters. Whether it is the same sex, ethnicity, color, position in life, or social status, we need to, no, we must see them as people who hold special importance in God’s eye. As a Christ-follower that means they must hold importance in my eyes as well. We may not always agree, we may not always get along, we may butt heads from time to time, but that should not change how much each of us should matter.
In James 2 James warns the church about choosing sides and showing preference to one group over another. He says it is a shame and a black mark to do so (my loose translation). Jesus Himself told the parable of the Good Samaritan and showed how a man who was hated because of his ethnicity was actually more of a brother than the so-called “religious people.”
We have all seen people snubbed because of political affiliation. We have all seen people snubbed because of color. We have all seen people snubbed because of sexual orientation. We have all seen people snubbed because of status. We have all seen people snubbed because of a medical condition. It is ugly. Like I said, I may not agree with someone’s opinion or lifestyle, and can’t compromise the truth, but at the same time that gives me NO RIGHT to denigrate or write someone off as being persona non grata because we are different.
Dementia patients deserve loving treatment. We all do. Let’s begin to give dignity to others. Let’s begin to treat others as we would like to be treated.
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Tags: Alzheimer's, Choices, Christian Living, Church, Dementia, Dignity, Friendship, Jesus, Kindness, Lifestyle, Love, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Truth Telling
Thursday, May 30th, 2024
I cheated. I wrote this post ahead of time just in case I did not make it back home Wednesday and we decided to stay the night somewhere. Here were the thoughts I postponed from yesterday’s post to give an update on Janna.
WHAT DO YOU THINK CONSTITUTES A GOOD FAMILY?
Of course, the answers are many. Here are a few: Empathy. Sympathy. Teamwork with teammates. Honesty. Taking responsibility. Accepting responsibility. Forgiveness. Space to allow for mistakes. The freedom to make mistakes and admit them. Love (obviously). Faith. Prayers. Shared shoulders. And the list goes on.
Now…consider the church as a family. The very same characteristics of a blood family are also to be there for a different kind of blood family.
In Isaiah 1 the people of Judah were acting very “unfamily-like.” Their outward actions were blatant displays of disrespect. Yeah…that happens in real families. To put it very bluntly, their outward actions did not show the state of their heart. Or maybe they did?
How easy it is to put on a show at home and with our church family. Jesus said the religious leaders’ lips said one thing but their hearts were far from Him. It is called “going through the motions.” Family members do that. Church family members to that also. They act like they like you, but what they do and say behind your back hurts like fire.
Frankly, self-concern replaces other-concern. It destroys families. It devastates church families. Arguing and fighting, even over petty things, plays havoc on a family’s unity. It does the same for a church family.
Don’t be a “ruiner;” be a builder.
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Church, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Humility, Interactions, Leadership, Lifestyle, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection
Wednesday, May 22nd, 2024
Do any of these sound familiar?
You walk into a room to ask a question and whoever is in the room (spouse, son, daughter) is locked onto a TV screen and their fingers are moving at warp speed.
You speak to someone and they see but don’t really see you. You feel as though their eyes are looking at you but their mind is elsewhere.
You speak to someone who acts as though they didn’t hear you (because they probably didn’t). When you shake them or wave your hand in front of them or call their name they act like they awakening from a stupor.
The scenarios are multiple but the problem is the same in all…preoccupation. I’m going to go out on a limb here and saw we live in a preoccupied world. I know myself if someone comes to speak to me I have to put down what I’m reading; turn away from the computer screen; stop looking/texting on my phone; even turn and face that person in order not to be distracted and give my full attention. I was visiting someone just the other day when I asked where she wanted to talk and shey said, “Anywhere.” I told her I needed to be away from the distraction (TV) and its entertainment (a certain country female singer-who shall remain nameless-whom I have NEVER liked, even when I listened CM over 20+ years ago). Anyway…
I read of a woman who went to see her doctor with two burnt ears.
Doctor: In all my years of practice I have never seen this. How?
Woman: I was ironing (remember what that is? 🙂 ) and watching TV when someone called. I picked up the iron instead of the phone.
D: That’s horrible! But how did you burn the other ear?
W: Can you believe it? The idiot called back!
We can laugh, chuckle, and even roll our eyes, but that is the way of many of us. Preoccupied. Distracted.
Try this: next time someone comes to you wanting your attention, give it to them. Put the book down. Forget that text that just came in. Turn away from the computer. Give people what they want: your undivided attention.
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Tags: Choices, Distracted, Friendship, Giving attention, Kindness, Ministry, Opinion, Preoccupation, Reflection, Story
Thursday, April 25th, 2024
Standing back-to-back.
One of my favorite movies is Gladiator with Russell Crowe playing Maximus Decimus Meridius. At the very beginning of the movie the Roman army, led by Maximus, is fighting the barbarians. The focus goes to Maximus and at one point in the hand-to-hand combat he turns to put his sword through an enemy only to find he is batting back-to-back with one of his own men.
That scene came to my mind as I read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 this morning (I’ve included reading through Ecclesiastes in my daily Bible reading). “Two people are better off that one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated. But two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (NLT) I’ve highlighted the phrase that drew me to that movie scene. That is indicative, in fact, of that whole passage. We cannot and were not meant to do life alone. The one who thinks he/she needs no one is in for a rude awakening.
I know there are those who proudly say, “I can do this without your help.” Little kids are prone to say that and even push their parents’ hands away with words like, “I can do it.” Maybe. Maybe not. But that is a dangerous philosophy when facing life’s daily grind. No one is an island. And NO ONE can do life alone. One of the most miserable men on the planet was multi-millionaire Howard Hughes who lived as a virtual recluse because he was foolish enough to think he didn’t need or could trust anyone else.
Listen to Ecclesiastes 4: “Two people are better than one…but someone who falls alone is in real trouble…but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.” Find someone you can trust and do life together. Don’t try it alone.
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Tags: Christian Living, Friendship, Leadership, Lifestyle, Ministry, Needing Others, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Story, Togetherness
Wednesday, April 24th, 2024
A fragile (and temporary) peace.
I read recently that on December 30, 1862 the Civil War raged. Union and Confederate troops camped 700 yards apart on opposing sides of Tennessee’s Stones River. As they warmed themselves around campfires, Union soldiers picked up their fiddles and harmonicas and began playing “Yankee Doodle.” In reply, the Confederate soldiers offered “Dixie.” Remarkably, both sides joined for a finale, playing “Home Sweet Home” in unison. Sworn enemies shared music in the dark night, glimmers of an unimaginable peace (Sort of like me playing my rock music and someone else playing country and both of us tolerating the other’s choice). 🙂 The melodic truce was short lived, however. The next morning, they set down their fiddles and picked up their rifles and when it was all said and done 24,645 soldiers died.
Reminds me of the WWII story of the German and British soldiers celebrating Christmas by laying down their weapons, sharing what they had, playing soccer together, exchanging laughs, and acting (and maybe wishing?) like the war was over. You can hear the story in this video.
Peace is fragile, as well as temporary. Try as we may, man will never be able to bring about true or permanent peace. All our treaties. All our papers. All our promises are, in reality, fragile and temporary. Treaties are made to be cast aside. Papers are torn up or burned in rebellion. Promises are broken. We see it in school/childhood friends. We see it in marriages. We see it in communities. We see it in countries. And yes, we see it in churches.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but true, lasting peace is never found in man’s or men’s promises. And while it may last for a short period, it will never last for long. And certainly not forever. The only personal lasting peace is found in Christ, and the only true peace will be found in God’s new kingdom when Jesus returns and establishes it.
Until then…all efforts of peace are fragile and temporary. But we can still try. It begins with us! As the song says, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”
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Tags: Christian Living, Church, Forgiveness, Friendship, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Peace, Reflection, Story
Monday, April 22nd, 2024
“Thanks for the memories.”
A lot can be said when you see the eyes close or the last breath taken as I did when my mother passed. Or a friend. While I did not actually see this happen, I was there within 5 minutes of it. Last Thursday, my friend of 30+ years-my cycling buddy, my laughing buddy, my friend-finally lost his 14 year battle with cancer. But those 14 years were full!
Jim was diagnosed with cancer and was put through the ringer. Surgery. Chemicals. Chemo (which is chemicals). Holistic approach. More chemo. But those 14 years-as were the year before-were filled with skiing, boating, scuba diving, cycling, hunting, fishing-the list seems endless. He once took a whole winter and worked two jobs. One as a paper salesman which he could do remotely, and the other as a hot tub “fixer” in Utah. That allowed him to ski almost daily. 🙂 Jim truly lived life to the max. It was 2-3 short months ago the cancer specialist told him there was nothing more they could do because while on chemo he still developed spots on his liver. It was literally all through him. Even then he lived bravely. I was able to drive the 150 miles to visit him every other week for 8 weeks. Last Thursday, which I figured would probably be my last visit, Jo and I were 5 minutes away from his home when Tina, his wife, called to say Jim had just passed away. 5 minutes! But now my reason to visit changed. It changed from reminiscing and encouraging my friend to consoling a hurting wife.
Jim would have wanted it that way. His cremains will be spread outdoors because, again, it was a picture of his life. The late Tim Hansel wrote a book called You Gotta Keep Dancin’ (@1985). Tim also live life to the fullest even after a mountain climbing accident led to a lifetime of excruciating pain. He closed out his book with this little ditty:
There is no box made by God nor us but that sides can be flattened out and the top blown off to make a dance floor on which to celebrate life. (Kenneth Caraway)
Jim danced. Jim is dancing. He knew Jesus. “Thanks for the memories my friend.”
And now to you. What kind of memories will you leave behind?
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Tags: Death, Friendship, Influence, Legacy, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Tuesday, March 19th, 2024
I think we have all used or heard a variation of “Who you hang around with is who you become.” There are, of course, all kinds of people.
Some build us up; some tear us down.
Some lift us to keep going; some drag and hinder us.
Some push us to excel and not quit; some pull us back withholding progress.
Some are genuine shoulders to cry on; some are hard as stone and move away from us.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” (NLT)
Jo and I experienced that last night. After a tough past couple of weeks (which I wrote about here), we spent the evening with friends. By the time we made it to their house, my tough couple of weeks had another brick piled on top. They were a welcome shade tree. After the initial bl-a-a-a-ch of what was going on, we moved on. Went out to eat. Laughed (even raised an eyebrow when Jo ordered something totally different than her normal fare). Went back to their house. Laughed some more. Chuckled at the antics of their dog. Laughed some more. A welcome balm for a scratchy soul. Hugs and “I love you’s” were given and Jo and I were on our way. Richer. Better. Refreshed. And, in some small way, healed. Every time I leave them I tell Jo, “I say it every time but I sure do miss them.” (They used to attend the church I pastor but moved to another city where they attend another fortunate church). I said it again last night…less than a block away.
They know what it’s like to be a friend. A sheltering tree. A shade tree (not the negative use of shade 🙂 ). We love you guys…more than you know. And thanks for the meal at Chili’s. Maybe Jo won’t surprise us all the next time. 🙂 🙂
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Tags: Christian Living, Friendship, Kindness, Love, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Reflection, Shade Tree, Story
