Kindness
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Monday, June 2nd, 2025
Most people know the story of Job. A rich man (called the richest man in that entire area-Job 1:3) whose life is turned upside down. First, Satan takes away everything he has, including his children dying, except for his health. Then, he is allowed to tinker with his health and it says Job was covered with boils from head to foot. He scraped his skin with pieces of broken pottery (2:7-8). But perhaps the worst of it was putting up with the endless drivel of his so-called “friends.” I’ll not get into all they said-there isn’t enough space for all of that. But with their endless drivel came assumptions which had no basis whatsoever. I suspect many of us have been there-either the victim or the “victimee.” (yeah, I know that is not a word but who knows?). 🙂 The most basic assumption they made is that Job was suffering because of unconfessed sin. They pounded that hard and not always was it kind.
It got me to thinking about how I approach people and act as though I know it all and “speak for God.” It is, of course, not true, but I sure do act like it sometimes. Again, I don’t think I’m alone. We have all had those times we act like judge, jury and executioner when it comes to someone else’s suffering. There has got to be a reason this is happening to them! Unfortunately, we have trouble keeping our thoughts to ourselves. So yesterday, at the end of my sermon, I shared three thoughts. I thought I would share them with you this morning.
First, sometimes we can come off as judge, jury and executioner (like Job’s “friends”). We are opinionated and judgmental, often failing to put ourselves into the shoes of the other person. Be careful with this. Like Haman in Esther’s story, pride will come back to haunt us.
Second, and on the heels of the first, until we have experienced what another is experiencing, let’s keep our mouths shut on giving advice or opinions. Nothing more needs said about this.
Third, be careful of pat answers and pat words that we spout off because they sound good. Some of what we say simply sound like cliches.
Here is a good piece of advice: instead of always acting like we have the answer, let’s just be a friend who can be one without words if necessary.
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Friendship, Grace, Humility, Kindness, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Story, Truth Telling
Monday, May 12th, 2025
“I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to say.” “I hate going to funeral homes. I don’t know what to say and if I speak I am afraid I will say the wrong thing.” I can’t even begin to tell you how many time I have heard that in my 50+ years in the ministry. It is a touchy subject without a doubt. NO ONE wants to be THAT person…the one who opens mouth and inserts foot, or the one who simply says the wrong thing at the wrong time. As I was rereading and ultimately finishing last night Douglas Grouthuis’ book, Walking Through Twilight, he gave some helpful tips on how to help lighten the load of someone, like him, who was going through the slow decline and ultimate death of his wife. Following are his suggestions and I add some commentary:
First, we ought to pray for wisdom before speaking or communicating with someone under the pressure of loss. Ask God for the right words to say or not say. Pr. 12:14 says, “Wise words bring many benefits.” In that same chapter it says, “Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.” (v.25). Choose your words wisely. Douglas gives an example of one who just found out she had cancer. The other person said, “Oh, if I had to have chemo-just shoot me.” There is a saying for that: “Better to keep your mouth shut and thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
Second, avoid overinterpreting the dire situations by trying to read God’s mind. Stay away from cliches like “Oh, God will bring good out of evil.” That is true, but the person doesn’t want to hear that right now. How much better to sit silently and not give meaningless platitudes.
Third, learn to lament with people. Listen to the stories of suffering and identify with them. Stop interrupting. Say unprofound but appropriate things like, “I am so sorry” and “That is terrible.” Don’t wax poetic. Don’t wax spiritual. And please, please, please, don’t say, “I know how you feel.” No. No you don’t. Every situation is unique. How much better to say, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how you feel, but I will be here for you.”
I’ll add a fourth. Don’t say, “If you need me, call me.” They won’t. I’ve taken to say, “How can I help you right now?” “Can I do anything for you right now?” I’d like to also add: don’t disappear. Perhaps worse than hearing empty pablum is hearing nothing at all. If you care, put yourself out there. Martyred missionary, Jim Elliot once said, “Wherever you are, be all there.” That is especially true when offering lament to someone.
May we learn to empathize well.
I wrote about Douglas’ book in this post.
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Tags: Christian Living, Death, Empathy, Humility, Kindness, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Speech
Tuesday, May 6th, 2025
Temptation to do something wrong is always “there.” So is the temptation to do something mischievous. I know you thinking, “Who me? Do something mischievous?” Yeah, I know what that’s like. I have those times too.
Something I read today about a teacher who lined her students up to go to lunch and they always jockeyed for the front of the line spurred my thinking. One day she switched it around and those in the back where the ones who went first. That got me to thinking about being snarky and mischievous. More mischievous than anything. You see…it is always a joke, especially in a church, how people jockey for the back row. I have one (Gail) who stands in a crowd all her own. She immediately goes to the front row. Like me, she knows distractions abound when you have others sitting in front of you. I prefer the front row. But I digress. Most people (except the really spiritual ones like Gail and me 🙂 ) head for the back rows. Now, here is where the little mischievous boy in me comes into play. I have been tempted-and so far I have resisted-to suddenly stand up to preach and change directions. Go to the back of the room and make people turn their chairs around. Can you imagine the moans and groans and the words reserved for Pastor Bill? It’s not possible to do that anymore since we have a camera set up in the back for our live stream, but oh…the fun I would have! Or the mutiny. Take your pick. 🙂
That teacher had to teach her class a lesson in “me first, you second” vs “you first, me second.” Jesus did the same. He once taught that the “one who wants to be first must be last.” There is something to be said and something that happens when we learn to put others before ourselves. When I was a kid I was taught J–O–Y– is Jesus first; Others second; Yourself last. In our get-ahead world, imagine the difference it would make if we all had this attitude. Others Before Self.
Jesus came to start a revolution (“I did not come to be served, but to serve.”). Maybe it is time we picked up on it.
And yes, I published this before Gail was able to put her .02 worth in. But I know Gail: she will forgive me. 🙂
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Humility, Jesus, Joy, Kindness, Leadership, Lifestyle, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection
Monday, April 14th, 2025
Start With Why. That is the name of a book by Simon Sinek that sits on my desk saying, “Read me! Read me!” 🙂 After reading multiple books on leadership for the first two months of the year, I needed to take a break. Sinek’s book was one that hit the “put off till later” batch. From the back cover are the following words: “Any person or organization can explain what they do; some can explain how they are different or better; but very few can clearly articulate why. WHY is not about money or profit-those are the results. WHY is the thing that inspires us and inspires those around us.”
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am rereading Glynn Young’s Dancing Priest series. I just finished Book #3 and have started #4. In Book #3 (known as the Dancing King) Michael Kent-Hughes has assumed the throne of England. But not before efforts were made by adversaries to thwart that happening. In Book #2 an almost successful attempt was made upon Michael’s life, as well as his pregnant wife, Sarah, and their unborn baby. We were introduced to Michael’s brother, Henry in Book #1 and saw him take a more active role in Michael’s life in Book #2. As part of what was known as The Violence where the attempt was made on Michael’s and Sarah’s lives, Henry life was also affected. In his effort to know more about his brother, Michael found out Henry had been a practicing homosexual but had taken part in a church’s Exodus Ministry. As Michael learned more, the priest of St. Margaret’s church said this to Michael: “The struggle became worse once the two of you had met. He found that, far from rejecting him, you had opened your arms to him. He described it something like this, that all of his adult life he had people who wanted him for his wealth, for his position, for what they thought they could get from him, or for his body, but that you, the brother he had forced away so many years ago, you wanted him simply for himself. At first, he found it hard to believe. Then you invited him to stay with you in San Francisco. And he discovered that you loved him with a heartfelt, brotherly love, and asked nothing of him other than to be with him.” (p.120)
All that to say: people know when we are with them to get something or to just be with them for them. The WHY question is huge. I guess I can’t really stop people from wanting something from me, but I can make sure my motives are pure when I am with others. It should not be for what can they give me or what I can get from them, but to simply enjoy their friendship and presence. I love being with people who want nothing from me but to my friend and visa versa.
How about you?
{There is more coming from Book #3 but you really ought to read the whole series} 🙂
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Tags: Christian Living, Friendship, Generosity, Humility, Kindness, Leadership, Lifestyle, Ministry, Motives, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Thursday, March 27th, 2025
A person simply cannot live without hope. If you take away hope, you take away a reason to go on.
Recently I have gorged myself on Leadership books, particularly those by Jon Gordon, Patrick Lencioni and James Hunter. I have one by Simon Sinek sitting in my stack to read next. But earlier this week, I had reached my fill and thought to myself that I needed something else to read to eventually renew my focus on leadership. So I began to go book by book in my library to see what either struck my eye or maybe one I needed to read again for a refresher course. My eyes stopped at a book by the late J.I. Packer and Carolyn Nystrom called Never Beyond Hope. It was published in 2000 and it is hard telling how long I have had it. I have an original hardback so I think it is safe to say a long time. When I opened it to glance through it I realized I had no markings in it, which means I have never read it. So with Resurrection Sunday on its way and the hope that springs eternal from that day, I decided to give it a try. The subtitle of the book is How God Touches and Uses Imperfect People. I thought that certainly sounded like me so it appeared to be a good choice. 🙂
Packer writes the following in his Introduction: “While there’s life there’s hope, we say, but the deeper truth is that only while there’s hope is there life.” Read that slowly again. I once heard it said, “”A man can live three days without water, 40 days without food, but only five minutes without hope.” In other words, take away hope and a person has nothing to live for. Hope springs eternal is what we are told. Well, what happens when hope is lost? I believe that is exactly one of the reasons why the suicide rate is climbing higher with each passing day. Take away hope and all that is left is a mere existence, often characterized by painful memories, unmet expectations, and unrealized dreams. And, of course, when those are the thoughts the next question is, “What do I have to live for?”
My heart aches and breaks for people who have come to the end of their rope and see no way out. I wish they could see there is hope and there is a way out. Even though their situation looks impossible and unavoidable and desperate, there is ONE who has open arms and a big shoulder. He is the same one who said, “I have come that they might have life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10).
Please keep your eyes open today (and everyday) for those who are hurting, for those who seem to have it all together on the outside, but inside they are a weeping mess. You just may be the person who brings someone back from the brink, and along with you, can give praise to the ONE who gives life meaning and hope.
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Tags: Christian Living, Friendship, Hopelessness, Kindness, Lifestyle, Loneliness, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection
Tuesday, March 25th, 2025
Ask many office personnel what is their most dreaded time and they just might say, “The staff or office meeting.” Many feel as though it is like pulling teeth to go. In fact, many may prefer going to the dentist than to sit in a staff meeting. One word most often defines them: B.O.R.I.N.G.
Yesterday I was in an almost 3 hour staff meeting. There are three of us-myself, the youth pastor (Ryan), and the office manager excellente’, Diana. Every Monday morning unless an emergency takes one of us away, or one or two of us are gone, we have a planned staff meeting at 9:30ish. I use the “ish” because Ryan tends to run late on Mondays. But that’s okay. Sunday is usually an extra busy day for him due to youth activities. Back to my thought: we had our normally scheduled staff meeting that went extra long. I have to tell you that our staff meetings tend to be disjointed. We spend a few minutes catching up, then we have a devotional thought or watch a video (often from The Chosen since Ryan likes it), we pray for various people/circumstances and then Diana brings us up to date on “stuff.”
Yesterday was somewhat different for us. Ryan had taken 14 people to east Tennessee to help with flood relief from Hurricane Helene. Yes, I know that was several months ago but the pictures of the destruction of where they worked are stark. (I’m going to leave the area where they worked unnamed because I never heard of it before). They helped work on some houses- erecting walls, putting insulation in crawl spaces, shoveling and using a wheelbarrow to take gravel for a drainage system on a house. One of the men is a licensed plumber and he and his teenage daughter spent time at another house doing plumbing. A good section of our staff meeting was spent talking about the team, what they did, and looking at pictures of the area. To give you another perspective, these were teens and adults who gave up their lazy spring break to travel from Spencer to Elizabethton, TN to work for a week in mud, grunge and grime. They got sunburned on Tuesday and Wednesday and then froze their faces off and wore multiple layers on Thursday and Friday. All while sleeping on cots at night in a church building.
I am so proud of Ryan, his wife, Hope and the others who went. Those who went were complimented that they never complained, even though they spent hours in a crawl space hanging insulation. They were given tough jobs but they did it joyfully, never complaining. Ginger was certainly grateful for the house being built on a small lot given to her by her sister after everything she owned was washed away. So were the Fosters and others who had plumbing done after losing everything. Oh…I failed to mention that we partnered with a group called IDES (International Disaster Emergency Services), an organization from Noblesville, IN well worth looking into.
Well done group. Thank you for your servant’s heart.
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Tags: Christian Living, Humility, Jesus, Kindness, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Servant's Heart, Service, Story
Monday, March 17th, 2025
“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” (Proverbs 17:17)
My friendship pool is small. Jim is in heaven. One lives in Martinsville, IN. A longtime college friend lives in KY. Then there is Dave. He and his wife flew in on Thursday and fly out tomorrow evening to return to Arizona. I met Dave almost 10 years ago. I am a cyclist and was plowed into by a hit-and-run driver one sunny November afternoon. His mirror hit my left hip leaving me sprawled on the road watching helplessly as he never once tapped a brake light nor slowed down. And yes, I do believe it was on purpose. I can tell you what he was driving (an early model Ford Escape) but I was unable to get his license plate nor take a picture. That is when I met Dave. We instantly bonded over an organization he led called 3 Feet Please. But then that bond went deeper. We began corresponding by text, email and even phone calls and soon he made arrangements to come visit. The bond of friendship was almost so instant my wife says it is like we are “brothers from different mothers.”
Time has deepened our friendship. Rides for the MS Society gave us time to spend together on the bike. He lost a dear friend (Lynn) while on an MS ride when an elderly driver plowed into a pack of riders. His wife, Susan, also a lovely lady in her own right, encouraged his involvement in Lynn’s family’s life as well as pursuing 3 Feet Please as much as possible. Dave became an advocate to make it a law in all 50 states to allow 3 feet between a vehicle and a cyclist. So far, most states have passed some type of law; some even passing a 4 feet law. With my experience of being hit, and Dave’s passion for safe cycling, we collaborated with several Indiana legislatures to get Indiana to pass a 3 Feet law.
In February of 2024, Jo and I were their guests in Arizona. It was a first for both of us. We visited Sedona, Scottsdale (where we met a blogging friend of mine), the Grand Canyon, as well as Gilbert (their home) and surrounding communities. Other than our trip to Daytona Beach in 2017 (a timeshare gift) and Alaska in 2019 (a gift of some in the church), it was the first time we had a true vacation with no agenda except relax. It was an oasis for us!!
He is now battling brain cancer (diagnosed within a week or so of our trip in 2024) and I am cherishing every moment he, Susan, Jo and I are spending together. No question things are different. His stamina is not what it used to be. We have eaten out; laughed; eaten out; gone to church together (they normally watch online only this time was in person); and eaten out. I feel intense workouts and watching my diet coming in the near future. 🙂
Dave is my friend and I don’t take that lightly. He is, as Jo says, my brother from a different mother. I’m glad he’s here. Do you have someone you can call a friend?
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Tags: Friendship, Grace, Kindness, Love, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Thursday, March 6th, 2025
“Forgive as you have been forgiven.” We hear that quite often, more often than we might like! 🙂 But whether you are a Christ-follower or not, forgiveness is one of those non-negotiables that we all must face and need to do. Last night in my Wednesday Night Conversations class we talked about the common lie we hear: “I could never forgive that person.” I would like to share with you 6 common lies we will hear when it comes to forgiveness. The main thoughts come from 9 Common Lies Christians Believe by Shane Pruitt. The editorial comments are mine.
- Forgiveness means you have to forget. Think about the fallacy of this. Something bad has happened in the past or just happened to you. Does that mean you must forget what happened? There is a thing called PTSD that many military vets suffer from. I think many ordinary people do as well, especially when a traumatic event has happened.
- Forgiveness mean you have to be a doormat. Yeah…I’ll just let that person or others walk all over me. There comes a point where you must say, “Enough is enough.” Some relationships are toxic and need cut off.
- Forgiveness means you are condoning the actions of others. “If I forgive, am I saying that what they did is okay?” No. No. And No.
- Forgiveness means we will be close friends again. As if… In Psalm 41 David laments the betrayal of a friend. Sometimes keeping someone at a distance or arm’s length or even removing them from your life is necessary. Can you be friends again? Possibly. But very carefully and very slowly. Nobody in their right mind will just accept a person back into their lives like it once way. But sometimes…No.
- Forgiveness comes from an apology. Some people feel, “Hey, I said I was sorry. That should be enough.” Apologies are not always sincere. Some are said in the heat of the moment or to salve guilt.
- Forgiveness is easy. And you were born under what rock? Forgiveness is neither easy nor hard. It is impossible. It is natural for us to hold feelings of bitterness, hurt, anger (to name a few). Forgiving someone can only be supernatural. It comes from God. I can tell you this: refusing to forgive and holding these feelings in is not healthy spiritually or physically.
There you have it. The only question to ask is “How are you doing in the forgiveness department?”
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grace, Humility, Kindness, Lifestyle, Love, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Wednesday, March 5th, 2025
I have two thoughts on my mind this morning. I have toyed with writing about one and holding off on the other until clarity (and a calm spirit) comes. But I decided to divide this post into two parts and do them both. 🙂
My first is about the significance of today. Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I grew up in a tradition that did not observe Lent. I can remember being in a high school class and noticing the teacher had a black smudge on his forehead. I almost went up and told him, but didn’t. Now I know it was the fact he went to a Catholic church that morning before school and the priest had “blessed” him. I didn’t know that until years later. Truthfully, I never really heard of it nor knew what it was all about until sometime within the last 19 years or so. I decided to study its history and significance to satisfy my own curiosity. I found out it began on Ash Wednesday and was observed during the 40 days leading up to Easter Sunday. For some it was a time of fasting and praying, of giving up something for the purpose of discipline. And as is typical, for others it was simply a religious observance you did “just because.” There were several years I quietly observed giving something up for that period of time-caffeine (no Diet Dr Pepper), chips, chocolate, even ice cream one year. For me, it was a discipline to be able to gain control over something that I needed to give up. Honestly, it snuck up on me this year. In spite of what were probably plenty of signs, I missed it until just two days ago. I haven’t decided what to do, if anything, this year. Guess I’ll contemplate that and then decide.
My second thought is on respect. Growing up my parents taught me the importance of valuing others. I learned to say, “Yes ma’m” and “No sir” and other terms used to show respect. I was taught how to open doors for women and to help older folks. I was taught to value other people and their opinions. I haven’t always done it right. I now realize that word I used about another race-despite the fact I grew up near Pittsburgh and had friends of that race and played on the same team as them-was wrong. I refuse to use that word today, even though I hear them use it about themselves all the time. I was always taught to respect my elders and to not speak over others, to give them their due. I did not watch the address President Trump gave last night. I get up at 3:30 and 9;00 is my bed time. Besides, I figure I can always read about it today and will hear plenty about it as well. While I was not a fan of the previous administration, especially due to their war against faith-based organizations and people (among other things), I had to remind myself I was to respect the office and the rulers. As a pastor, I refuse to invite politics into the pulpit. While I might preach on abortion or life (I consider that a moral issue not a political one), I still tried to handle it respectfully, realizing “more flies are caught by honey than vinegar” as they say. The antics and vitriol of some toward the previous administration were uncalled for, as were the antics and vitriol spewed last night and will be today and in the days to come toward the current administration. Will all things be done right? Of course not! Since when are humans infallible? But it’s time to calm the (vulgar) language (by the way: thanks for teaching our kids words they should not know or say). It’s also time for civil discourse, to listen to what the other is saying or trying to say. As my daughter, Tami, says to her kindergarten class: “it is time to put on your listening ears.” I might add that it is also time to clothespin the mouth.
I know what I have said might ruffle some feathers. Personally, Idc, and besides that, I’m tired of the hate and garbage that passes for speech. I once read that “Profanity is the effort of a feeble mind trying to express itself forcibly.” I’m tired of adults acting like spoiled-brat children. Try adulting for a change. That goes for all of us, not just the politicians.
Off soap box. Sorry this post has gone on so long. Thanks for listening.
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Humility, Kindness, Leadership, Love, Mercy, Opinion, Reflection, Speech, Story
Thursday, February 13th, 2025
Everyone needs a pick-me-up from time to time. Whether it be a kind word or an arm around the shoulder or a heartfelt handshake or a hug, sometimes ya just need one. You know?
Church people are no different. Unless they are wired cockeyed, no one wants to come on Sunday to be screamed and yelled at and made to feel worse than when they arrived. Even when the topic of sin is preached on it can be done in such a way that people aren’t made to feel lower than a snake. I believe it was D.L. Moody who once said,
“No preacher should preach on hell without tears in his eyes.”
That is my philosophy. I am not a screamer and a yeller from the pulpit. I don’t even do that at ballgames, let alone from the pulpit. It accomplishes absolutely NOTHING, except making people feel really bad.
So I began the practice of leaving them with a Scripture. I got tired of finishing preaching, praying, then saying, “Have a good week!” That is when I hit on the idea (with a little help from a book I was reading at the time) to close with the time-long-gone-by-tradition of a benediction. But not just from my lips. I pray, then have the congregation read it along with me from the screen in front of them. The most common one I use is from Numbers 6:24-26 (It was in our Scripture reading from Everyday Gospel Devotional for today). This is from the New Living Translation:
May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.
After we have all said that passage, I simply look at them and say, “Thanks for being with us today. Go with Him this week” or something to that effect. It gives people something to remember, something to identify with, and hopefully, something to carry with them during the week. The original passage was given to Moses to pass along to Aaron in order to bless the people.
May I encourage you to repeat that Scripture to yourself before you walk out your door or begin your work day? May you be blessed today with the awareness of His presence in all you do.
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Tags: Benediction, Blessing, Christian Living, Friendship, God's Word, Grace, Kindness, Lifestyle, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look
