Kindness
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Tuesday, January 21st, 2025
“Man, that is one stubborn dude!”
Have you ever used those words? Have they ever been used about you? Trust me when I say they are not a compliment. Other ways to say that don’t lessen the impact. “Stubborn as a mule.” Aaaah yeah…highly complimentary. Pig-headed. Another highly complimentary phrase.
Of course there are those who consider being stubborn a compliment. I’m not sure why, except they will rationalize it by saying, “I stick by my guns.” “I have convictions and people know where I stand.” I beg to differ with that assessment. There is a difference between convictions based on truth and stubbornness based on personal opinion or belief.
The Bible is filled with stubborn people. Balaam is one. He is the one who had a donkey talk to him. His full story is found in Numbers 22-24. I’d say it is not a compliment when your donkey knows what is better than you do! There are also the kings who decided to do things their own way. How about Jonah who decided to forego a cruise to Ninevah for parts unknown? But I think one of the most stubborn people in the Bible is Pharaoh. My Bible reading for the Everyday Gospel Devotional has taken me from Exodus 7-12 the past two days. You may be familiar with the plagues that struck Egypt because of Pharaoh’s stubbornness: the Nile turned to blood, frogs, gnats, flies, death of livestock, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and finally the death of the firstborn. It appears the Israelites were spared these plagues, especially the last one due to the Passover Meal. With blood on the doorpost and down the side of the door, the death angel passed over the household.
Back to Pharaoh. Talk about stubborn! After each plague he would tell Moses to take the people and get out of here but then would change his mind. Even when his advisors told him to let them go (after the plague of locusts) Pharaoh would not listen. The death of his firstborn son finally broke him. At least temporarily. His final act of stupidity…I mean, stubbornness…was chasing the people of Israel into the Red Sea which had parted for them but swallowed Pharaoh and his army.
Being stubborn is not a positive trait. That is especially true when it leads to being bull-headed and taking action which is not good. Standing by/for something that is not true or good. Being stubborn is an act of selfishness. Pharaoh could have saved himself and the people he ruled a lot of heartache and headache if he had not been so stubborn and listened to his advisors. We are often no different. Verse after verse in the Bible speaks of the stubbornness of the people. Deuteronomy. Jeremiah. Isaiah. And others. And we are not exempt either.
Humility. Kindness. Mercy. Love. Grace. They all keep stubbornness in check. It’s time…
Posted in InTheShadow | 10 Responses »
Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Grace, Humility, Kindness, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection
Monday, January 20th, 2025
On one of the old Happy Days TV programs, teenager Richie Cunningham had just been “grounded for life” by his father for misbehavior. As father and son talked about Richie’s misdeed and the punishment, Howard Cunningham asked his son, “Do you know that there is a lesson in this for you?” Richie’s response was priceless: “I figured anything with this much pain had to have a lesson in it somewhere.” How true, Richie, how true. It is a given that more lessons, more life-changing and life-altering lessons, are learned through difficulties and trials than through ease. In fact, I would venture to say the answer would be zero lessons learned when life is easy.
As I preached on this yesterday I used the illustration of the death of my father-in-law. In 1998 he was being operated on to have a triple by-pass redone. They had done one years before but could not find any evidence of it. During the operation, they were able to do two of the by-passes and when they opened them up they “pinked up” perfectly. But suddenly all the plaque from the old ones let loose and he died on the operating table. I was unprepared for that. Several days later I did his funeral service and held myself together for that. But following that and the meal which followed I went out by myself and bawled like a baby in my van. In 25 years I had never lost someone super close to me and I had done tons of funerals. For the first time I had truly felt the pain of losing someone I loved. I was closer to him than I was my own flesh and blood father. He told me once he was unsure how he felt about his daughter marrying a pastor (more about how he would act around me), but that she chose well and he was proud I was his son-in-law. He could be funny and “earthy” at the same time. He once got a smirk on his face as he began working on my taxes and lit up a cigar. He knew I was allergic to it but the smell was awful. It literally gagged me. He bust out laughing because he knew that would be my reaction and I would leave the office. At the same time, he loved his family and that included me. His love for his two granddaughters was a sight to watch.
I learned a lot through his death. I became “human” as a pastor. I now understood the pain people felt at the loss of a loved one. I no longer participated in a funeral as a detached entity. I try to remember that, even today, soon-to-be 27 years removed from his death. Empathy is a big thing. Take the time to slow down and hear people’s hearts ache. Lend an ear. Better yet, lend a hand or a shoulder. My biggest lesson was not learned in a time of ease, but in the fire.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Death, Empathy, Friendship, Kindness, Love, Mercy, Opinion, Reflection
Wednesday, January 15th, 2025
I began reading a leadership book by Jon Gordon called The Energy Bus yesterday. I haven’t been able to get very far into it since I was at a doctor’s office waiting and got interrupted. (How rude!) 🙂 So far the gist of the book is Positivity vs Negativity. As I thought about that and then as I listened to the confirmation hearings for Pete Hegseth while I ate my supper, I couldn’t but see that many of those lawmakers needed a good dose of what this book appears to be about. The vitriol, negativity, hypocrisy and downright nastiness was a big turn off to me.
The Bible speaks about doing all things without grumbling and complaining (Phil. 2:14). To use another word: whining. I remember as I was growing up one of my grandfather’s favorite expressions was “Oh, stop your belly-achin'” Even as I type those words I can hear him saying them. (Not to me, of course, because I never complained). 🙂 Seriously though, he was on the money. No one ever made their situation or attitude better-or those around them-by grumbling and complaining. When I think of someone whining I think of a little child who is not getting his/her way and let’s everyone know. That little whiny voice just grates on my nerves. Well…sadly, many never seem to grow out of that stage of life. Oh, their bodies grow. And yes, their minds grow (least we hope). Their vocabulary grows. But they just don’t seem to grow out of that whininess (and yes, I know that is not a word. Maybe it will be the 2025 Word of the Year!).
This morning in my daily Bible reading I read the following verses. I share them with you because I do believe that our attitude plays a lot into the way we see our day and others. “Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him! Fear the Lord, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need. Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.” (Psalm 34:8-10). Then from Proverbs 15 I read the following verses: “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.” (v. 2). “A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.” (v.13). And one more: “Better to have little, with fear for the Lord, than to have great treasure and inner turmoil.” (v.16)
We all have a choice. We can allow our circumstances to dictate our attitude, or we will allow our attitude to dictate how we see our circumstances. The latter makes more sense for the one who is a follower of Christ because we know the ONE who controls everything! Make a positive difference today with your attitude. Pull people up not drag them down. You’ll be glad you did and your friends and colleagues will thank you.
Posted in InTheShadow | 6 Responses »
Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Friendship, Grace, Humility, Kindness, Leadership, Love, Mercy, Opinion, Positive/Negative Attitude, Reflection, Speech
Wednesday, December 4th, 2024
Learning Journal #5: WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE…
…is dying
…has died
…has a long-term illness
…has dementia or Alzheimer’s
…turns his/her back on their faith
…comes out of the closet sexually
…disowns you or turns against you
…makes bad decisions
As one can imagine, the scenarios would never stop. Those are just the tip of the iceberg.
Funny thing (not ha-ha funny) is that many are either too hard to answer or really have no answer. The hard truth is that sometimes there is no answer, or at least, an easy one. But there are people who think they have the answer. But, generally, they don’t have answers. They have cliches.
- “God is good all the time; all the time God is good.” I cannot even begin to tell you how annoying that is. Let me use one word: REAL. It’s not that it isn’t true. It is to an extent. But you just don’t go spouting that cliche off to a parent whose child announced he/she is leaving the faith or is seeking gender surgery or cancer has been found. Or a man’s wife stares back at him with no recollection of who he is. Yeah…not good words to say carelessly.
- “Praise the Lord anyhow!” No. Curse Him is what we really feel like doing. The last thing God wants for us to do is pretend all is well. He will be there as we continue soothing our heart and working through our pain and seeking His will.
You get my drift. Sometimes we are just better off keeping our words and cliches to ourselves. Sometimes all that other person needs is for someone to just show up. Galatians 6:2 says, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” (NLT) Doesn’t get much plainer than that.
And you don’t even need to use words.
{Note: if you get a chance check out this post I read the other day. It says it much better than I can}
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Cliches, God's Plan, Hurting, Kindness, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Story, Suffering, Sympathy, Truth Telling
Monday, October 21st, 2024
INCONVENIENCE.
During the communion part of our worship yesterday one of the men talked about Convenience vs Inconvenience. He spoke about having certain conveniences which allow him to fast forward, jack up the speed of playing a video or of simply skipping over what he doesn’t want to watch. His application was appropriate in that he brought it down to the inconvenience of Jesus dying on the cross for our convenience of confessing our sins and being forgiven.
That has got me thinking about the same topic only in a different setting. Several months ago I went to Fresh Thyme and used my debit card and was denied. So I tried it again and ditto. I was confused because I knew I had plenty of money in my account, especially for the amount of purchase I was making. So I checked it and found that someone had hacked into my checking account and had written a check for over $2000 to a credit card company. First, I have no credit cards. Second, I never heard of the company he used my account to pay for. Neither had the bank which I consulted with immediately to dispute the charge. (His payment was denied. I wish I could have been a little birdie to hear what he had to say when the credit card company said his payment was denied. Then again…maybe I don’t). The inconvenience for me was that I had to close that account, open another and alert all those whom I pay online with that account that it closed and give them my new number. Finally, I was done! Or so I thought…
This past week, an app that is on my computer (and probably yours as well) decided that they were going to renew a charge for the next year. Like of the $100+ variety. Without reminding me that the charge was coming. I got a call from the fraud department (yeah for them doing their job) and I denied the charge. Unfortunately, the bank was unable to stop it. I will have to deal with that. The worst part is…you guessed it…they shut down my debit card. I had to get a new one, all while traveling over the weekend. I’m still waiting. AND I had to go through my bills to make sure any accounts that used my debit card for payment were alerted. What a pain! A necessary one, but it was still a pain. It was an inconvenience, especially when traveling out of state.
Inconvenience seems to be the lot for most of us from time to time. I mean, I’m glad for the bank refusing to pay for fraudulent use of my checking account. The inconvenience was worth it I guess. I’m also glad the fraud department questioned me about two charges-one I approved (Amazon) and the other I refused (but was too late). Inconvenience is part of life. Mine were minor compared to some. Whether it is something like my experience or something bigger (and there are tons of examples I could give), how we react to them shows the character we have. I was frustrated, for sure, but I also had to remember that my attitude when dealing with people tells a lot about me. Don’t kid yourself into thinking people don’t notice how we react to situations. They particularly take note if we are a follower of Jesus.
Don’t look now. Your attitude is showing.
Posted in InTheShadow | 6 Responses »
Tags: Attitude, Choices, Christian Living, Grace, Humility, Kindness, Lifestyle, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Story
Thursday, September 26th, 2024
Have you ever noticed how we grade sins? Let’s, for the sake of argument, just grade our sins.
- Grade 1- the really bad ones. Adultery. Murder. Homosexuality.
- Grade 2- Cheating. Lying (as far as its not a “little white one”). Theft.
- Grade 3- Division. Lying (little white ones). Laziness.
Granted, that is not an exact science. I’m only using it as an example of the way we grade our sins: some are really, really bad; some are so-so; some not so bad. We could even add a category of justified sins if we want. And, of course, there are many more sins we could list.
I left one out…on purpose. That’s because it is not seen as a really, really bad one and is even overlooked or simply forgotten. Let me give you a hint:
“Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.” Pr. 26:20
“Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.” Pr. 26:22
Okay…so I guess that is not so subtle, is it? The “respectable” sin, the “acceptable” sin, the one not graded harshly is G.O.S.S.I.P. On a scale of 1-10, gossip might hit a “3” on the Sin-o-Meter. That’s tragic though. Gossip has killed more people that we could count. While some would never consider carrying a firearm to take someone’s life, they have very little qualm about using their mouth to snuff out someone’s reputation, good name, future, friendship, etc all in the name of “passing along” some information.
Let’s get it through our heads-and hearts-that gossip is a deadly sin, capable of destroying lives, taking out families, even companies. Let me close with a thought from Proverbs 26:
“If you set a trap for others, you will get caught in it yourself. If you roll a boulder down on others, it will crush you instead. A lying tongue hates its victims, and flattering words cause ruin.” (Verses 27-28)
Just those two verses should sober us up real quickly. Let’s stop the GOSSIP.
{All Scripture from the New Living Translation}
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Gossip, Harmful words, Kindness, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Sin, Speech, Story
Monday, August 26th, 2024
We all want validation. We all want to know we matter. We all want to know that what we do is important or at least makes a difference. We have no doubt some people make a difference. Consider history: electricity. The phone. The light bulb. The car. You name it. How shocked Henry Ford would be today to see cars in more colors that basic black. But his name goes down in history-not for his comment about the color of cars, but for his invention. The story is told of Alfred Nobel having a life “awakening.” A newspaper erroneously published that he had died (not his brother) and it applauded him for his invention of dynamite and other explosives. It shocked him so much he established the Nobel Peace Prize. He wanted to be known more for peace than blowing things up and taking lives.
Tragically, there are many who never consider their legacy. We are so hungry getting validation from the people around us that we stop getting it from God. We live for the pat on the back, the “atta boy,” that we find ourselves doing what is popular instead of what is right. We seek the here-and-now instead of the eternal. We settle for what feels good in the moment rather than what is going to matter in eternity.
Jesus said it this way: “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. A tree is identified by its fruit…A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” (Luke 6:43-44a, 45 NLT)
What we do flows out of what is in our heart. What will you be known for?
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Kindness, Leadership, Legacy, Lifestyle, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Story
Thursday, August 8th, 2024
Have you ever noticed “Tell no one what I’ve done” does not seem to be common today? It is rarely spoken. Just the opposite really. Many/most want their exploits plastered all over and shouted from the rooftops. There are, of course, times when we wish our deeds were unknown. But that is a topic for another time. 🙂
There is a proverb that says, “Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth-a stranger, not your own lips.” (Proverbs 27:2 NLT). Simply put: Don’t toot your own horn. That’s a good practice to follow. A fun movie to watch is The Incredibles. Mr. Incredible is a “retired” superhero now doing insurance, but it is dull and mundane. He never loses his desire to be Mr. Incredible again and he begins to daydream by drawing costumes. For some reason, he wants a cape. But Edna-the designer of costumes-says, “No cape” then shows him vignettes of superheroes having trouble because of capes. Capes are dangerous. One doesn’t need a cape to be a superhero. Actions speak louder than capes.
Capes are unnecessary. What got me thinking of this was my reading this morning from Mark 5. Jairus comes to Jesus asking for help for his dying daughter. Sandwiched between Him saying, “Yes” and the actual event, is the woman who approached Jesus to stop an issue of blood. By the time Jesus gets to Jairus’ daughter she has died. He raises her to life and then tells the parents, “Tell no one.” Yeah right. How do you keep silent about something so miraculous? Jesus didn’t need or want a cape. He just did. And each time He told someone, “Tell no one” most often they did anyway. We aren’t told what Jairus and his wife did. I’m sure they fed their daughter as Jesus told them to do, but I have this sneaking suspicion they told a whole bunch of people. Certainly those who were mourners and laughed at Jesus when He said she was just sleeping let it be known.
Truly humble people-ones I admire-are those who don’t toot their own horn. There is something that happens inside when a deed is done for another without fanfare. The Bible calls it “not letting your right hand know what your left hand is doing.”
It also means not wearing a cape.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Generosity, Humility, Kindness, Lifestyle, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Scripture look, Story, Superhero
Tuesday, July 16th, 2024
One last devotion…(I think). 🙂
The past week or so of devotions here at “Shadow” I have been writing and telling you about a book that had a profound impact on me-Out of the Blue by Greg Murtha. (Those dates are July 9, 10, 11, and 15). At the age of 46, Greg, a healthy runner and athlete, go-to leader, husband and father, was stricken with Agressive Stage III Colon Cancer. He endured 95 chemo treatments over 5 years, but on June 22, 2017 he “moved to the front of the line” to use his words. He completed his book on June 15th in room 8637 of Vanderbilt University Medical Center’s CCU.
As I finished reading his book for the second time (the first I barely remember), I was overwhelmed with emotion. I shed some tears for a life well-lived, but also because it struck close to home. Not me. I just lost a friend to cancer and another has brain cancer. This book chronicling his thoughts and actions of the last 5 years of his life deeply and profoundly impacted me and caused me to stop and evaluate my own life.
I once read that Joni, the well-known Christ-follower who has been a quadriplegic for over 50 years, was once asked if she would change anything. She said, “No. I thank God for the accident and my wheelchair.” (edited by me). Several times Greg said virtually the same thing, i.e. he was thankful for the cancer that totally changed his life. It slowed him down. It woke him to the needs of others. It brought him to the point of listening to God. He would go for treatment, into a store, into a room and notice people most would miss-people who needed a hug, or who were hurting, had tears in their eyes, or simply needed a word of encouragement, or a prayer. And he was not ashamed to offer that.
He wrote the following:
“I’m learning that being present in the moment is what is important. Being the church wherever I am-that’s what matters. Listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit is paramount to living a life of adventure.” (p. 160)
I’ll close by simply saying that I want that. Healthy or not I want to be present in the moment. I want to be the church, a representative of Christ, where I am and to whomever I come across. Will you join me?
Posted in InTheShadow | 4 Responses »
Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Death, God's Plan, Grace, Humility, Kindness, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Story, Suffering, Surrender
Thursday, June 27th, 2024
All people matter to God, therefore they should matter to us.
Lately I’ve been reading a book on dementia entitled Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia by John Dunlop, MD. Because it seems to be becoming a bigger issue these days, I thought I’d read up on it and learn more. It has been an eye-opening book (in a good way). Over and over Dr Dunlop has emphasized the importance of dignity for the dementia sufferer, as well as it’s kissing cousin, Alzheimer’s.
Dr. Dunlop is a committed Christ-follower so his perspective is different than many in the medical field. Instead of writing them off as a “nuisance” and a “bother” for others, especially their caregivers, he pushes the belief that showing them dignity is first and foremost. One very helpful section is found on pages 123-125 where he gives a number of practical way we can express dignity. He does it from the perspective of entering their “world.”
But this devotion is not a book review. While he has obviously focused his attention on the dementia patient, I couldn’t help but make the correlation to others in our sphere on influence. Each person we come in contact with should be deemed a person who matters. Whether it is the same sex, ethnicity, color, position in life, or social status, we need to, no, we must see them as people who hold special importance in God’s eye. As a Christ-follower that means they must hold importance in my eyes as well. We may not always agree, we may not always get along, we may butt heads from time to time, but that should not change how much each of us should matter.
In James 2 James warns the church about choosing sides and showing preference to one group over another. He says it is a shame and a black mark to do so (my loose translation). Jesus Himself told the parable of the Good Samaritan and showed how a man who was hated because of his ethnicity was actually more of a brother than the so-called “religious people.”
We have all seen people snubbed because of political affiliation. We have all seen people snubbed because of color. We have all seen people snubbed because of sexual orientation. We have all seen people snubbed because of status. We have all seen people snubbed because of a medical condition. It is ugly. Like I said, I may not agree with someone’s opinion or lifestyle, and can’t compromise the truth, but at the same time that gives me NO RIGHT to denigrate or write someone off as being persona non grata because we are different.
Dementia patients deserve loving treatment. We all do. Let’s begin to give dignity to others. Let’s begin to treat others as we would like to be treated.
Posted in InTheShadow | 6 Responses »
Tags: Alzheimer's, Choices, Christian Living, Church, Dementia, Dignity, Friendship, Jesus, Kindness, Lifestyle, Love, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Truth Telling
