Love

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March 19

Tuesday, March 19th, 2024

I think we have all used or heard a variation of “Who you hang around with is who you become.” There are, of course, all kinds of people.

Some build us up; some tear us down.

Some lift us to keep going; some drag and hinder us.

Some push us to excel and not quit; some pull us back withholding progress.

Some are genuine shoulders to cry on; some are hard as stone and move away from us.

Proverbs 18:24 says, “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.”  (NLT)

Jo and I experienced that last night. After a tough past couple of weeks (which I wrote about here), we spent the evening with friends. By the time we made it to their house, my tough couple of weeks had another brick piled on top. They were a welcome shade tree. After the initial bl-a-a-a-ch of what was going on, we moved on. Went out to eat. Laughed (even raised an eyebrow when Jo ordered something totally different than her normal fare). Went back to their house. Laughed some more. Chuckled at the antics of their dog. Laughed some more. A welcome balm for a scratchy soul. Hugs and “I love you’s” were given and Jo and I were on our way. Richer. Better. Refreshed. And, in some small way, healed. Every time I leave them I tell Jo, “I say it every time but I sure do miss them.” (They used to attend the church I pastor but moved to another city where they attend another fortunate church). I said it again last night…less than a block away.

They know what it’s like to be a friend. A sheltering tree. A shade tree (not the negative use of shade 🙂 ). We love you guys…more than you know. And thanks for the meal at Chili’s. Maybe Jo won’t surprise us all the next time.  🙂 🙂

February 14

Wednesday, February 14th, 2024

Have you ever noticed that there are typically two kinds of people dealing with Valentine’s Day? There are those to love it. They go all out-flowers, cards, eating out (or cooking a candlelight dinner…since when?). On the other hand are those who loathe the day. Love has left them high and dry. Disappointed. Broken.

Disregarding the love/loathe feelings, the idea behind the day-expressing love-is a good one (although it has become a tad bit too cheesy and commercial).

The very first date Jo and I went on was back in 1971, near the end of our freshman year in college. I borrowed a car and we were off to another town to see the movie everyone was raving about-Love Story-starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw. Without researching it I couldn’t tell you much about the movie except 3 things: 1) Ali was a beautiful woman; 2) I think she was dying; and 3) one of the stupidest statements about love came from that movie. That saying was “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Say what? If that’s the case I’ve just wasted 50+ years of being married to the same woman! If I had a dollar for every time I have had to say, “I’m sorry” I could retire and live off the interest! I realize there are bullies and arrogant people who either blame others consistently or cannot look in the mirror and admit they make mistakes. But seriously? Never?

Love is an elusive definition. The Apostle Paul described love in perhaps the most recognized Scripture and description. He described love as being kind, patient, not jealous, not proud, not demanding, not a record-keeper, not a “rejoicer” in wrong but a “rejoicer” in truth. But even that falls short when you consider a cross on a hill when the perfect Lover gave His life for all people so sin can be defeated and death vanquished.

He never had to say, “I’m sorry.” But we who look at that cross should fall to our knees in tears and repentance with those two words flowing from our lips: “I’m sorry my sin put you there.”

After all, “No greater love has a man than this than a man lay down his life for his friends.” Happy real Valentine’s Day.

January 24

Wednesday, January 24th, 2024

I’ve been thinking…about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an important aspect of everyone’s life, whether one is a Christ-follower or not. It comes into play seemingly in about every relationship we have. For the Christ-follower is it important to know we have God’s forgiveness. On the human side, it is important for us to either forgive or be forgiven.

One vitally necessary component of forgiveness with God or with another person is knowing unconditional forgiveness. None of us want to hear, “I’ll forgive you if…” We certainly feel unloved or, at best incompletely loved, if say a spouse says to a partner, “I’ll forgive you for the affair if…” or a father says to a child, “I’ll forgive you for the breach of conduct or break of trust if…” How disheartening that is! Why? Because that type of forgiveness has strings attached to it.

The story of the prodigal son is unusual because it is not the father who puts the conditions on the relationship, but the son. Check out the story in Luke 15. The son says, “I will go home to my father and say, ‘Father, I have sinned and am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as your hired servant.'” (Verses 18-19). Basically, the son says, “If I do this and this then…If I show adequate repentance, become a servant then maybe my dad will forgive me.” It wasn’t the father but the son who put conditions on his love and acceptance. And what happens? The son doesn’t even get out his whole spiel before the father is bending over backwards to forgive and welcome him home and basically say, “My son! Welcome home!”

Do you see it? The father (God) is not the one with the conditions.  It is the son who hamstrung himself. How many times have we not seen and accepted God’s complete and absolute forgiveness because we don’t think we are good enough or done enough or repented sufficiently enough or been sorry enough? It’s not God; it’s us!

Stop putting conditions on God’s love and acceptance of you. Instead, bask in the glow of unconditional love and forgiveness.  Thinking done. 🙂

January 23

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024

“Why?” “Why me?”

Those just may be two of the most asked questions in human conversation. I won’t lie. I’ve said them or some variation of them. We usually say them or hear them during a particularly tough time we or someone we know is going through.

I very, very seldom ask that question any more. In fact, as long as I can remember, I stopped asking it years ago. Why? Because there is no answer to it. I mean, how can you or I honestly know why we are going through this rough patch? We can pile on the shame or the guilt or the “I deserve this” or “God’s getting even with me,” but that won’t answer it.

The real reason I stopped asking that question though is because I started asking another one: “Now that this is happening to me God, how do you want me to act?” How does God want me to respond to this trial?

I just finished reading Country Music star, Granger Smith’s book, Like a River. {Spoiler alert: I am not a CM fan} {Spoiler alert #2: Look for a review of Granger’s book on my other site, Cycleguy’s Spin, soon}. Granger and his wife, Amber, lost their son, River, in a tragic drowning accident in their home pool. This book is his story. There was a lot of good teaching that came through his book, but one that struck a chord was after he tells about speaking at a men’s breakfast conference at the church they were attending. It was exactly one year since he had walked into that same church building for Riv’s funeral. When he was done, he wrote that he wasn’t sure if any of those men benefited from what he said, but he did.  He learned that by sharing his story of pain and redemption God was answering his question. Not the one he asked why. “The one that asked God, ‘What are you trying to show me through this heartache?'” (p.178)  He then wrote that God responded with Isaiah 41:10-“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  He goes on to comment: “God was reminding me to depend on Him. He would be there to pick me up and push me forward from the bottom of the river’s waterfall.” (Ibid).

The question to ask is not “Why? Why me?” The real question to ask is “What now? God, how do you want me to respond? What do you want me to learn?”

Sure changes the perspective doesn’t it?

January 18

Thursday, January 18th, 2024

As one reads the Bible, it is not unusual to read of someone and think they must have always been like that. Case in point: the Apostle John. We read today from the vantage point of 2000+ years later and we see an apostle of love. We see the aged John-respected, loved and depicted as one full of grace and truth.

But he wasn’t always like that. John had a temper. He also had a vengeful streak. We might even call him sectarian to some degree. Mistreatment of Jesus led to he and his brother, James, wanting to call down fire from heaven to consume the city. In another incident, he and James wanted Jesus to promise they would get preferred seating in the kingdom-one on His right and one on His left. Jesus was not fond of that idea. They wanted Jesus to rebuke a man who was casting out demons in Jesus’ name but because he was not with their “tribe” they wanted him silenced. (Mk. 9:38).  That didn’t work out too well either.

Over time, John was changed. That’s what happens when people spend time with Jesus. John reminds me of those who are committed to the truth, who “tell it like it is.” But that is all you see. Love? What’s that? All truth. No love. Over time John became known as the Apostle of love. Shall we say “more balanced”?

I read the following:

John was always committed to the truth, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that, but it is not enough. Zeal for the truth must be balanced by love for people. Truth without love has no decency; it’s just brutality. On the other hand, love without truth has no character; it’s just hypocrisy. (40 Lives in 40 Days-MacArthur-p.19)

I’ve heard it said that “all truth and no love is legalism; all love and no truth is mere sentimentality.” True that.

There needs to be a balance. We may take pride in being a “tell it like it is” kind of person, but honestly, what good is it if we turn everyone off?”

Find the balance. Truth AND love go together.

January 8

Monday, January 8th, 2024

Forgiveness…it goes both ways. By saying that I’m not saying forgiveness happens when I forgive someone and they either forgive me or reconciliation takes place. No. I’m going in another direction.

First, there is vertical forgiveness. This is the forgiveness we receive from God-initially and ongoing. Forgiveness for sin in the process of salvation, and then forgiveness on a daily basis as a result of the continual need for it.

But I think the hardest just might be horizontal forgiveness. Forgiving others. Being forgiven.  It is the former I am interested in today. Sometimes someone does something to us that rips our soul to pieces. Shakes us to the core.  There is betrayal. Anger. Bitterness. All which can develop as a result. Betrayal is real; anger and bitterness are killers.

Let me explain. Without details let’s just suffice it to say that several years ago the church I pastor was the victim of a crime. A substantial one. The leaders of the church chose forgiveness rather than prosecution and restitution. I was part of that leadership and even today would not change a thing. While there were some people who were extremely upset at our decision, the choice was made. We have never looked back wondering, “What if..?” Plus, God has been so phenomenally good to us there is no way we made the wrong decision.

There are those who were wanting vengeance. I chose forgiveness and with that freedom. I’m convinced that the person who carries around or holds onto bitterness and hatred has the problem. I believe that to refuse forgiveness or to hold a grudge makes that person a slave to the one their anger and bitterness is directed at. To put it succinctly, they own me. If they enter my thoughts and dreams, influence my attitude or I find myself tying up in knots at the mere mention of that person’s name or presence, they own me.  By God’s grace, I refuse to allow that. I belong to Him, the ONE who forgave on the cross, not that other person. He is the same ONE who said that if I have been forgiven I must forgive as well.

I laid to rest many years ago any hard feelings, ill will, vengeance, bitterness, or anger the enemy of my soul would want me to have. I refuse to play the devil’s game.

Today I lay to rest that perpetrator. The family asked if I would conduct the funeral. I, of course, said yes.

December 20

Wednesday, December 20th, 2023

One of my blogging friends, Martha Jane Orlando, blogs at Meditations of my Heart.  She recently wrote and posted a simple but profound poem. You can find her blog and the poem here. To save you some time on the poem, here it is: “Holy candles/Lit in hope/Peace and joy/Laced in love/Everlasting/Flames ablaze/Light profound/Darkness flees/When God surrounds/The Soul and self. Amen”

That simple poem carries the essence of the Christmas story. Or maybe I should the essence of what we are looking for in the Christmas story or Christmas season. We all long for hope. We all long for peace. We all long for joy. We all long for love. If what I write is not true, check out the many Christmas songs we sing. How many of them talk about one of those 4 longings?

The story of Christmas, and yes, even the season of Christmas for those not even interested in the deeper story, draws people to those 4 longings in some way.  Sadly, there will be many who will seek the answer to those longings in the temporary-a relationship, a drink, a sentiment, a party with friends, even ringing a bell. But in the long run those 4 longings won’t be answered in or with the temporary. No, as Martha says, “Light profound/Darkness flees/When God surrounds/the Soul and self.” Profound and everlasting change will come only when the Eternal Father (God) surrounds us with His presence. When the baby in the manger, God made flesh, becomes more than a prop in a play. When the angels are more than dressed-up kids in white sheets and the wise men are more than kids in bathrobes. 🙂 Only when the truth of the Christmas story becomes more than a cute sentiment will those 4 longings become a permanent part of our lives.

Thank you, Martha, for the simple, yet insightful poem. Thank you, God, for the answer to the longings of each and every heart: love, joy, peace and hope…Jesus Christ, the baby born in the manger. The King who became a baby, who became a sacrifice, who is now a King again…AND WILL COME AGAIN AS KING.

December 18

Monday, December 18th, 2023

Our world is filled with people who feel little. It could be because someone wanted to puff themselves up so their mode of operation was to put another down so that person felt “less than.” It could be a life circumstance led to a defeatist attitude. It could be a bully decided to exert his/her influence and beat the person down. And sadly, there are those whose personality is such that they are likely to put themselves down with words and thoughts like “I’m just a nobody.”

The late Francis Schaeffer once wrote a book called No Little People, No Little Places in which he attempted to defend that in God’s economy there are no little people, no insignificant people AND there is no place where a Christ-follower finds himself that is unimportant.

If there is anyone in the Christmas story that could fit that bill it was the shepherds. Among many other facts and quirks about them, one truth remains: they were considered the lowest of the low, the bottom feeders, maybe one tick above the leper. Their exposure to society was minimal due to their profession and all the baggage that went with it. We will call them outliers.

It should strike us then that the announcement of Jesus’ birth was not made in a palace, a Temple, or in front of the religious elite.  It was made on a hillside, in the dead of night, to a motley crew of unwanted men.  While it should strike us, it should not surprise us. Jesus once said, “I came to seek and to save the lost.” He also said that it wasn’t the well who needed the physician, but the sick.

Even at His birth, He showed that. No class distinction. No “I’m better than you.” No small people. I like it that way.

December 14

Thursday, December 14th, 2023

All week long I’ve been looking at the women who are in Jesus’ genealogy. You can check them out here and here and here. But I’m going to shift gears this morning and talk about a man. Yes, I know you could say, “Pick a man. Any man” much like you would in a card trick. Jesus’ genealogy is no different in that respects from any other one from that time. {Side note: for Matthew to include women in Jesus’ genealogy was highly unusual. Women were considered non-entities in that day and age. Even in His lineage, Jesus breaks the mold}. Okay, off the rabbit trail and back on course. 🙂 The man is mentioned in Matthew 1:16 with a fuller story in verses 18-25.

Joseph. The earthly father of Jesus. The husband of Mary.

Jewish marriage was in 2 stages. The parents usually arranged the marriage to start with. The first stage was the kiddushin, or what we would call the engagement period. The second stage was the huppa. It was actually more like our engagement period, but the couple was considered married and had all the rights and privileges of marriage EXCEPT the sexual relationship. Joseph and Mary were in this stage.

That explains why Joseph sought to divorce Mary. In his eyes, the explanation Mary gave for being pregnant had to be incredulous. “Seriously? An angel told you what?” I honestly believe Joseph loved Mary and it was more than an arranged marriage at this point. His only go to was Mary had broken her virginity with someone. He just knew it wasn’t with him. Joseph was an honorable man. He didn’t want a scandal. He didn’t want to embarrass or demean Mary. Take her away. Divorce her quietly. Let her live her life without shame.

Until God intervened in a dream. Long story short (and you probably know it): Joseph did as he was told, i.e. stay with her and marry her and don’t have relations with her until after Jesus’ birth.  Then be the father to Immanuel. That seems like a lot to us. But consider this: Joseph went through life with the reputation of being married to a promiscuous woman-which, of course, was not true. Mary went through life being considered an immoral woman. On one occasion the Pharisees said to Jesus, “Well, we weren’t born as a result of sexual immorality.” (John 8:41).  Yeah, like let’s bring up someone’s past. “Mary, you had an illegitimate child. Joseph, you are the father of that child.” They lived with Nathaniel Hawthorne’s scarlet letter glowing brightly.

Joseph’s story seems to end sometime after Jesus’ turned 12 and was found in the Temple. It is surmised that he died after fathering other children with Mary. Joseph teaches us the importance of listening and saying “Yes” to God (just like Mary). Jesus had two good earthly teachers-a father who loved Him as his own, and a mother who loved Him until His death. May we all be like Joseph and be willing to change the course of our lives if led by God to do so.

December 11

Monday, December 11th, 2023

One of the most “passed over’ sections of Scripture is the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1. I mean, let’s face it: who in their right mind would say, “Oh boy! A genealogy. I get to read a bunch of ‘begats’ and “father of’s”? Sounds good if you want to put your child to sleep or even yourself. But to be excited to read it? Nope.

But Jesus’ genealogy is filled with interesting characters.  My devotions this week will take a look at some of them- 4 women, one outlier, and one man.  Let’s take the first in the list in this devotion:

TAMAR

The whole sordid story is told in Genesis 38. Tamar was married to Judah’s oldest son, Er. The Bible simply says “he was wicked in the sight of the Lord and died.” We aren’t told what it was, but it must have been bad. She then married his next brother, Onan, but he failed to consummate the marriage correctly and he too died.  Hmmm. Two up. Two down. What is Judah to do with the next son, Shelah? I can tell you what he didn’t do!  He promised him to Tamar when he came of age, but then reneged on that deal.  Tamar waited; he failed to deliver. So she took matters into her own hands. She pitched a tent; dressed as a prostitute; seduced Judah; took his staff and ring for collateral; revealed her pregnancy and who the father was; and gave birth to twins, Perez and Zerah.  All three are mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus.

Tamar was a deceiver, who dressed as a prostitute in order to seduce her father-in-law. Even in our seeming “everything goes” age that would raise a few eyebrows.  It is hard to believe she is in Jesus’ lineage…but she is. Along with the others whom we will look at over the next few days, several lessons pop out at us. One I will cover more later: GRACE. But one that is highlighted in this genealogy is the imperfection of all of us and the ability of God to change it all and to use the weak. His ability to use broken people is on full display.

I’m a perfect example of that. Broken but usable.

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I will be reminding you over the next couple of days about my other blog, Cycleguy’s Spin. I have recently revived it with a totally different approach. Today I review Glynn Young’s series of books on Michael Kent-Hughes (a fictional character) whom he developed over a series of five books. I would love to hear your thoughts. Please visit me there at this post.