Parenting
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Wednesday, May 28th, 2025
Jo and I have an early summer ritual, if you can call it that. I/we get a schedule of as many of our young people who are playing ball, write them all down on a calendar, and then make every effort to see as many games as possible. We started doing this several years ago and thoroughly enjoy going. Several things stand in our favor: first, if the kid’s teams are playing each other (we cheer for both sides) we get to see as many at one time as possible; and two, the ball fields are all in one place. We will do, as we did last night, go from one game to another. We see the parents (some are there every night of the week) and chat with them. Try to see the kids and let them know we are there. Then move on to the next field. Just for reference, there 7 fields at the sports complex. Last night we caught a break. Kids from the church only played on 3 of the 7 fields. There have been nights when they were on 5 or 6 of the 7!
It starts with T-ball where the little ones are so tiny they look like specks on the field and they are more a comedy routine than ballplayers. I was speaking with one mom last night and her son will not swing at a pitch thrown by a coach (they throw 3). But put him up to the T and he is raring to go. Our grandson played T-ball and he was serious back then, so there was no playing with the dandelions or staring off into space or running to the wrong base. But for these kids, it is their first foray into sports. They graduate to the next level where the skill set is somewhat better. They still like to play with the dandelions, and still wander into space, but for the most part, they are “getting it.” Hitting coach pitch is sometimes a challenge, but I can see improvement as the season progresses. Of course, they keep moving up in age and the skill set gets better. We watched some pretty good hitting and fielding in the 7-8 year olds last night. It is still coach pitch but the kids are getting better. Then we walked to Field #6 where fast-pitch girl’s softball was being played. Some of those girls really get it. Coach is one of the moms in the church and there are several girls on the team. I think it is safe to say coach is a bit more intense than the girls, but I also know she just wants them to play their best.
It is fun watching the progression as they age. From the “lostness” which is T-ball to the intensity which is late adolescence, the kids do what they are supposed to do: improve (for the most part). Sort of like the Christian faith. Begin as a baby and as maturity happens faith deepens. Staying the same is not to be an option.
My biggest issue last night? I under dressed and had to leave since shorts and a t-shirt were not made for the weather. You’d think I would learn since I am “mature.” 🙂
Posted in InTheShadow | 10 Responses »
Tags: Christian Living, Kid's sports, Lifestyle, Opinion, Parenting, Reflection
Wednesday, April 9th, 2025
As a parent, I think one of the hardest things to endure is a child disengaging from you, and the worst case scenario, the faith you raised them in. I’ve had occasion recently to read of two such incidents in the Bible where this happened. Each time the son went off the rails.
I worked on a sermon recently where I studied about Hezekiah, the father, and his son, Manasseh. Hezekiah was a good and godly king who brought much-needed reform to Judah. His major glitch happened after a sickness that was to kill him was healed, after he begged God to let him live. (Okay, he whined). He lived 15 more years. During those 15 years Manasseh as born, but it was also when Hezekiah allowed his pride to get in the way and he opened up the temple stores to brag about his wealth to visitors. When he died, Manasseh took over and the Bible says he was one of the most wicked kings ever. 55 years of ungodly practices, witchcraft, sacrificing children to a foreign god (including his own son), and much more. If Hezekiah had lived to see that he would have probably rued the day Manasseh was born. His life was totally off the rails, unlike his father’s in every way, especially in his faith.
The other is Absalom, the son of David. He avenged the rape of his sister by Amnon, his and her half brother. I get it. David did nothing to punish Amnon. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. A father should defend the honor of his daughter. What David didn’t do, Absalom did. The result was banishment from the kingdom and even after Joab convinced David to let him back in, David refused to talk to him. For two years! Eventually, Absalom rebelled against his father and David went on the run. In time, Absalom gets his hair got caught in a tree and Joab makes sure he never breathes again. David hears about Absalom’s death and only a father can sense the anguish in his cry, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son.” (2 Sam. 18:33 NLT) There is some debate as to why David was this remorseful, especially when he banished him and then ignored him. I simply take it as a father who loved his son and missed him, maybe lamenting the way he treated him. I know plenty of fathers who fit that last statement.
Not always does life, or people, turn out the way we planned or wanted. All a parent (or relative/friend) can do is to ask God to help them leave a legacy behind that is worth seeing. I have a daughter who will soon be 50 and another who will soon be 46. I have a grandson who is 18 and a multitude of people who call me pastor. I pray I have left a godly influence and my legacy says I had a heart for God.
And you?
Posted in InTheShadow | 4 Responses »
Tags: Choices, Christian Living, God's Plan, Leadership, Legacy, Ministry, Opinion, Parenting, Rebellion, Reflection, Story, Wickedness
Wednesday, February 5th, 2025
Boundaries. Most of us have a love/hate relationship with them.
Take the adolescent. He wants to test the boundaries. The teenager is not fond of them at all. College students think, “Hey! I’m out of the home. I can do what I want!” They want to discard or disregard boundaries. Many young adults and even older adults want nothing to do with them. F-R-E-E-D-O-M!! is their cry (tapping the inner William Wallace there). 🙂
But while boundaries are seen as confining and stifling and downright unnecessary, they actually are or can be a good thing. It used to be stove doors were not insulated against getting burnt. When they got hot they got HOT. Ask my youngest brother. He was learning to walk when he got too close to the stove. He touched the stove (after being told constantly not to) and felt the burn on his hand. His reaction was to use the other hand to catch himself. Result= trip to the ER to have severely burnt hands wrapped like mittens. Fortunately, God answered prayers and his hands healed with no sign of burns or inability to use his hands. The boundary of “Don’t Touch!” was for a good reason.
But, our natural inclination is to kick against the boundary. Teens don’t like the rules mom and dad have established so their natural desire is to kick against it, or to see how much they can stretch it. Adults do the same thing. We eat what we know we shouldn’t, even though we know it is leading us down a bad road health-wise. That friendship/relationship needs to be checked. It is getting too intimate or too familiar. That financial arrangement is shady. Someone has said, “When you play with fire you either get burnt or smell like smoke.”
Reading Leviticus 14-15 this morning was almost mind-numbing. It was all about skin diseases and bodily discharges and contaminated/mildewed houses. Seriously? Two whole chapters on that? Yes indeed! And a quick look ahead tells me there is more of the same-prohibitions against eating blood and forbidden sexual practices and multiple other prohibitions. Or shall I say boundaries? I don’t know all the whys and wherefores of these boundaries. I just know that they matter to God because I matter to Him. God is not setting these boundaries to be a killjoy but because He knows what is best and wants me to avoid heartache and sickness and even injury. These boundaries seem like minutia to me/us, but let’s not see them as that. Let’s see them as an act of a loving God who only want the best for his child.
Sort of like a parent with a child.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Boundaries, Choices, Christian Living, God's Word, Leadership, Love, Opinion, Parenting, Reflection, Right/wrong, Scripture look, Story
Thursday, October 24th, 2024
Today is a special day! No it’s not my birthday (that was the 9th). 🙂 No, it is not my anniversary, or a job change, or any event that is a change or marks a change. Today is the day I spend my morning reading to 5 Kindergarten classes.
Several years ago (pre-COVID), the Monroe County UW had a program called Real Men Read (RMR). They extended an invitation to Owen County to be involved. The basis of the program was young children-in this case K kids-need to see men as role models, especially in the area of reading. Many kids have fathers who don’t or can’t read, and as a result these young children were left floundering, especially academically. Why read when my dad doesn’t, or worse, can’t? RMR was born.
I got involved in the program and began reading to one local K class taught by Mrs. Lee. I loved it! And the kids loved me (which I will NEVER complain about)! COVID hit and I still read. We went outside when the weather was good (Fall and Spring); I read inside when the snow was flying or it was too cold. (Mrs. Lee let me go without wearing a mask while I read inside). Fast forward to 2022. I began reading to 3 classes at the school where Tami teaches a K class; one in another district about 12-15 miles away; and two in another district about 15 minutes away. So for one year I read to 6 classes in one month! I loved it! Last year our local school added a K class; I taught 2 in the other district; and in the one furthest away the teacher had her husband read. Very cool! This year I am teaching to 4 classes in our local school and one in another. The two large K classes have now moved up to the 1st grade.
Today I get to read The Biggest Pumpkin Ever,” a great book about working together. One good thing is our local Curriculum Coordinator was able to secure a Title IX grant which allowed us to buy enough books that each child gets to take home a copy of the book I read that day. They can then continue learning about the joy of reading (and hopefully get some help from home).
Children held a special place in the heart of Jesus. When they were being rebuked and sent away by His own disciples, Jesus put a stop to it. He even used a child as an example when He said, “Unless we have the faith of a little child we will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” “Let the little children come to me for such is the kingdom of heaven.” Children are special. They are to be loved and embraced (in the right way). One of my favorite moments is when I’m done reading and it is time for a group hug. What a joy! Just one more reason I look forward to today! 🙂
Posted in InTheShadow | 10 Responses »
Tags: Friendship, Jesus, Ministry, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Parenting, Reading to children, Reflection, Story
Monday, September 9th, 2024
Q: Who will teach our children?
A: The public school. Aaaah yeah.
A: The local church. That’s a little bit better answer but it still falls short.
A: The home/parents. At one point in the past we might have said, “Yes!” But recent events and previous events/years show us that is not always the best source.
A: The church and the home together. This is probably the best answer. Not the exclusive one like it used to be. When both church and home are off the rails, that makes for a crazy train ride.
I ask that question because of something I read this morning. It struck home. Psalm 78:4-6 says this: “We will not hide these truths from our children; we will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his mighty wonders. For he issued his laws to Jacob; He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them-even the children not yet born-and they in turn will teach their own children.” (NLT)
The admonition there is that parents have been taught to teach so they can teach by passing down the lessons learned. This psalm is pretty clear that the bulk of the teaching is to be done at home, not at the public school (heaven forbid) or even the church (some of that is whacked).
But there is more! Verses 7-8 tell us why we are to teach our children! “So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands. Then they will not be like their ancestors-stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful, refusing to give their hearts to God.” (NLT)
Methinks that somewhere along the line we missed the target. Just sayin’.
{Note: I’m not saying all public schools are off base. There are some-like my local school district-who, at this point, try hard to teach values I would consider worth learning. That’s the value of a small town school.}
Posted in InTheShadow | 6 Responses »
Tags: Choices, Christian Living, Church, Leadership, Opinion, Parenting, Reflection, Scripture look, Teaching children
Monday, June 17th, 2024
This past weekend was one of milestones for me. Three to be exact. I’ll go from Good, to Better, to Best.
Milestone #1– Although mostly meaningless to many of you, I reached my first 20 mile ride of the season. I have slowly been building my mileage throughout this season, although it has never been this late when I have hit this marker. But life happens. A tsunami-like work schedule, weird weather (so far lots of rain), family commitments, knee issues and age (71) have all played havoc with my riding routine. It got so bad that I even road one morning this past week in 40 degree weather! I slightly under-dressed for that one and got back to the office with my hands not working very well (I couldn’t move them). This past Saturday I hit the 20 mile marker. It was a pretty good day for a ride. Hot (which I like) and a tad bit windy. But I survived. 🙂
Milestone #2– Father’s Day. 49 years ago and 44 years (almost 45) ago, I became a father. Tami and Janna have been the two blessings in my life I would never want to have been without. And then Janna blessed me with being a grandfather almost 18 years ago (October). Braden has been a highlight of my time here on earth. I realize not all can say the same about their children and grandchildren, but I thank God every day for these three gifts God gave me.
Milestone #3– This one is THE highlight of my milestones, the coup de grace of blessings. June 16, 1973 is when Jo and I were married. So yesterday, June 16th, was our 51st anniversary. We have been through a lot; have had our share of ups and downs; moved when we didn’t want to and moved when we did; celebrated the highlights and mourned the low-lights (the death of our parents for one); and we did it together. People find it incredible when I say we have never had an argument, but then I remind them we have had lots of quiet nights. 🙂 She has hopefully seen the transformation of an arrogant, opinionated, know-it-all into a man whose heart beats with love for God and for the people He has entrusted to me in my role as pastor/shepherd. At 71 I still have a passion for my work and want to continue doing this until God says, “Enough.” But more than that I want to be known as a man who loved His God first and foremost, loved his children, loved his grandson, loved the church he is now serving, but most of all, loved his wife and was an example of a godly husband, father, grandfather, pastor and man.
Will there be more milestones? I certainly hope so. But only the Father knows (and He ain’t telling). Meanwhile, I want to live my life with purpose and meaning and to live it well.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Anniversary, Christian Living, Family, Father, Leadership, Marriage, Opinion, Parenting, Reflection, Story
Tuesday, June 11th, 2024
Truth disclosure: I am writing this on Monday afternoon. You will see why in just a moment.
I just spent an incredible couple of hours with some inspiring people. I met Gavin probably close to 10 years or so ago at the Y. Just a few days prior to that he had just lost his sister when a box truck mowed her down while cycling. Until then I did not know him or his sister.
Fast forward to the middle of 2023 and in walk Gavin, Jenna and their children to a church service. I knew they were going to another church and my philosophy/policy is never to be accused of being a “sheep stealer.” They were accompanied by their other children who immediately went to our children’s department and loved it! In their arms was a little girl they named Gigi. Oh, I forgot to tell you that they have three biological children (all boys), adopted two children they had fostered, were fostering another cute little girl and were also fostering Gigi. The one was given back to mom within the past month, but Gigi was a special child. In more ways than one. She is one of most smiling children I have ever seen with the brightest blue eyes you will lay eyes on (pun intended). Those bright blue eyes have a special trait which identifies her as a child with Williams Syndrome (I encourage you to look it up on your own). Thanks to Jenna’s fighting for her, Gigi was given a fighting chance to live. And live she does! She is two years old now-a little small for her age but quickly developing a personality all her own and slowly learning to walk and talk. When Gavin and Jenna began attending the church I pastor (Owen Valley Christian Fellowship) we immediately began praying for her and for them.
This morning at 10:00, Gigi officially became Gloria Jane (_____). “Gloria” because she is a light to the world. “Jane” because that is her birth mother’s middle name. What a joy it was to be there and to witness the love they have for her, but also her sibling’s love for her. They asked if I would support them in prayer since Gavin’s mother, who is a medical doctor and the pastor of a local church, could not be there. I was honored to do so. And then I noticed she was able to make it and whether they had asked or not, I would have gladly stepped aside for her to pray. Afterwards, Jo and I were invited to a cookout at their house. It was fun meeting some of their friends and extended family.
Gavin and Jenna are perfect examples of Christ-followers who feel about children the way Jesus feels. There is no doubt that Jesus had a warm, tender heart toward children that knew no bounds. The way we treat children today has to truly break His heart. To see children thrown away as unwanted has to make Him cringe. And weep. To see them abused and mistreated surely makes His blood boil. Thank you Gavin and Jenna for showing Jesus by loving children and making them your own. I’m glad I was able to be a witness to this act of love.
Posted in InTheShadow | 8 Responses »
Tags: Adoption, Christian Living, Family, Humility, Jesus, Kindness, Love, Parenting, Reflection, Story
Monday, June 3rd, 2024
Happy Birthday Tami!
49 years ago God blessed Jo & me with a bundle of joy. When the doctor came to me to tell me that mom and baby were fine, I asked him what it was. He said, “A little girl.” I replied, “Oh.” I guess I took for granted I would have a son. 🙂 But that initial disappointment quickly dispelled when I saw you and held you. Your mom had too many tubes in her arms to hold you so I was privileged to feed you and hold you, i.e. feel like I was going to break you in half. A head full of dark hair (I think you took all of mine) and little fingers that wrapped tightly around mine sealed the deal (as if I would have changed anything). What a joy it has been to be your dad as I have watched you grow from the little baby to a sports-minded (even though it is the Braves) beautiful young lady who gave her heart to Jesus and continues to serve Him. I wouldn’t trade one second of your 49 years for any amount of money in the world.
You are not around today since you decided to take a relaxing (and much needed) vacation to TN to visit old friends and to be alone to recoup after a brutal school year full of health and professional challenges. Just know this: even though miles separate us today, love has no boundaries. I am proud of the lady you have become. The Christ-follower. The daughter. The friend to others. The teacher who truly cares about her students. The person kids love and look up to because you made them each feel important. You have a gift and I’m glad to see God is using it, because you are letting Him.
I love you. Thanks for letting me be your dad.
Posted in InTheShadow | 4 Responses »
Tags: Family, Father/daughter, God, God's Plan, Love, Opinion, Parenting, Reflection, Story
Tuesday, January 30th, 2024
I’m celebrating today. My bride of 50.7 years has a birthday today. They say it is not wise to ask or tell a woman’s age so I won’t. I’ll just it is somewhere between 72 and 74. You do the math. 🙂
Just to show you what kind of woman she is: I was going to surprise her with a trip to Ohio to see our daughter and grandson. Things didn’t turn out so well. He is with his dad this week so after baseball practice (over at 8 p.m.) he will head off to his dad’s. Janna’s significant other has to work so that would leave the three of us (which would have been okay). Braden has baseball practice until 8 Wednesday morning then has to be back at school by 10 for class. That would make for a very short “wham-thank-you-ma’m” breakfast. Then Jo saw it was supposed to snow in Ohio (90%) and that scared her off. So I cancelled the hotel reservation. To top it off, I started losing my voice by the time the second service was done and I ended up with the creeping crud. Coughing. Sneezing. Aching. Lots and lots of sleep. (I haven’t been like this in years so it is a strange experience). So…not much of a birthday.
But she took it all in stride, much like she has during our 50+ years of marriage. While there have been moments of frustration (as in all marriages), I could not have asked for a better helpmate. I read the following this morning:
Adam was created first, then Eve was made to fill a void in his existence. Adam was the head; Eve was his helper. Adam was designed to be a father, provider, protector, and leader. Eve was designed to be a mother, comforter, nurturer, and helper (40 Lives in 40 Days- MacArthur- p.62)
Jo has always been there. The above words fit her to a “T.” They are not misogynistic or any other “istic” or “phobic” you can come up with. I can give her no greater compliment that to say she was just like Eve: a filler of empty space; a helper who stuck with me through thick and thin; a mother who gave her all to our two daughters, but also allowed them to fly (and she is still there if they need her). Well done, my dear, well done.
Now…if I can only get her to read what I wrote about her I might win some brownie points. 🙂
Posted in InTheShadow | 12 Responses »
Tags: Birthday, Family, Kindness, Opinion, Parenting, Reflection, Story, wife
Monday, June 19th, 2023
I am a blessed man! Things haven’t always gone as I would have liked them to, but as I look back-just over this past weekend alone-I can see God’s hand in my life.
Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in the mind of men, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” (ESV)
Life has taken some unexpected twists and turns over my 70.8 years, but as I look back, while I may not have the financial stability I wish I had (hindsight sure is 20/20), I can see God’s hand in my life. This past weekend reminded me of that fact.
As I watched by grandson play the game he loves (baseball), I thought back to my own dream of being a professional baseball player which never materialized for obvious reasons (one because I wasn’t good enough). I see my life flash before my eyes as I watch him play with a dream of playing ball in college and maybe the pros. We took a 4 hour trip (one way) to watch him play 3 ballgames…and were blessed with fantastic weather the whole time. I wonder where I would be today if God has fulfilled my childhood dream of playing baseball as a professional.
I certainly would not have celebrated 50 years of marriage (6/16) with the girl I met in college. I would not have gone to that college to pursue a life of full-time ministry as a pastor. It only follows that had I not met Jo, I would not be the father of two daughters. Before we left for Ohio, I saw one of my daughters off to visit some friends in one city, and then attend a conference to help her learn some new things and to become an even better teacher for her K kids (she already is a good teacher) in another city. I had the chance to visit the other daughter, the mother of my grandson. I have been doubly blessed with them.
This past Sunday, nine men stood before the church family and shared their hearts about a man in the Bible whom they emulate or want to be like. I’m grateful for a church that allows for variety without a bunch of hype tied to it. A simple presentation by men who stepped out of their comfort zone to speak publicly. (You can watch it on YouTube. Just type in Owen Valley Christian Fellowship-Spencer).
There are so many more I could tell you, like a simple bike ride of 17+ miles on Father’s Day which gave me the opportunity to get out and sweat and enjoy a carefree 1.5 hours. I will repeat: I am a blessed man and am grateful for the life God has given me. Once again that verse from Proverbs 19:21 plays in my mind: “Many are the plans in the mind of men, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
How about you? How have you been blessed and have you stopped to write it down so you can replay the blessings when needed?
Posted in InTheShadow | 12 Responses »
Tags: Choices, God's Plan, Love, Ministry, Opinion, Parenting, Reflection, Story, Thanksgiving
