Parenting

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January 30

Tuesday, January 30th, 2024

I’m celebrating today. My bride of 50.7 years has a birthday today. They say it is not wise to ask or tell a woman’s age so I won’t. I’ll just it is somewhere between 72 and 74. You do the math. 🙂

Just to show you what kind of woman she is: I was going to surprise her with a trip to Ohio to see our daughter and grandson. Things didn’t turn out so well. He is with his dad this week so after baseball practice (over at 8 p.m.) he will head off to his dad’s. Janna’s significant other has to work so that would leave the three of us (which would have been okay). Braden has baseball practice until 8 Wednesday morning then has to be back at school by 10 for class. That would make for a very short “wham-thank-you-ma’m” breakfast. Then Jo saw it was supposed to snow in Ohio (90%) and that scared her off. So I cancelled the hotel reservation. To top it off, I started losing my voice by the time the second service was done and I ended up with the creeping crud. Coughing. Sneezing. Aching. Lots and lots of sleep. (I haven’t been like this in years so it is a strange experience). So…not much of a birthday.

But she took it all in stride, much like she has during our 50+ years of marriage. While there have been moments of frustration (as in all marriages), I could not have asked for a better helpmate. I read the following this morning:

Adam was created first, then Eve was made to fill a void in his existence. Adam was the head; Eve was his helper. Adam was designed to be a father, provider, protector, and leader. Eve was designed to be a mother, comforter, nurturer, and helper  (40 Lives in 40 Days- MacArthur- p.62)

Jo has always been there. The above words fit her to a “T.” They are not misogynistic or any other “istic” or “phobic” you can come up with. I can give her no greater compliment that to say she was just like Eve: a filler of empty space; a helper who stuck with me through thick and thin; a mother who gave her all to our two daughters, but also allowed them to fly (and she is still there if they need her). Well done, my dear, well done.

Now…if I can only get her to read what I wrote about her I might win some brownie points. 🙂

June 19

Monday, June 19th, 2023

I am a blessed man! Things haven’t always gone as I would have liked them to, but as I look back-just over this past weekend alone-I can see God’s hand in my life.

Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in the mind of men, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” (ESV)

Life has taken some unexpected twists and turns over my 70.8 years, but as I look back, while I may not have the financial stability I wish I had (hindsight sure is 20/20), I can see God’s hand in my life. This past weekend reminded me of that fact.

As I watched by grandson play the game he loves (baseball), I thought back to my own dream of being a professional baseball player which never materialized for obvious reasons (one because I wasn’t good enough).  I see my life flash before my eyes as I watch him play with a dream of playing ball in college and maybe the pros. We took a 4 hour trip (one way) to watch him play 3 ballgames…and were blessed with fantastic weather the whole time.  I wonder where I would be today if God has fulfilled my childhood dream of playing baseball as a professional.

I certainly would not have celebrated 50 years of marriage (6/16) with the girl I met in college. I would not have gone to that college to pursue a life of full-time ministry as a pastor.  It only follows that had I not met Jo, I would not be the father of two daughters. Before we left for Ohio, I saw one of my daughters off to visit some friends in one city,  and then attend a conference to help her learn some new things and to become an even better teacher for her K kids (she already is a good teacher) in another city.  I had the chance to visit the other daughter, the mother of my grandson.  I have been doubly blessed with them.

This past Sunday, nine men stood before the church family and shared their hearts about a man in the Bible whom they emulate or want to be like. I’m grateful for a church that allows for variety without a bunch of hype tied to it. A simple presentation by men who stepped out of their comfort zone to speak publicly. (You can watch it on YouTube. Just type in Owen Valley Christian Fellowship-Spencer).

There are so many more I could tell you, like a simple bike ride of 17+ miles on Father’s Day which gave me the opportunity to get out and sweat and enjoy a carefree 1.5 hours. I will repeat: I am a blessed man and am grateful for the life God has given me. Once again that verse from Proverbs 19:21 plays in my mind: “Many are the plans in the mind of men, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

How about you? How have you been blessed and have you stopped to write it down so you can replay the blessings when needed?

May 30

Tuesday, May 30th, 2023

With yesterday being Memorial Day, we should have stopped to remember and be thankful for the men and women who served our country to preserve our freedoms. I hope you did.

I recently read a story that is all about remembering. I’ve been reading No Reason to Hide by Erwin Lutzer and he tells the following story:

Millions of mothers can be called heroes. One such is Sonya, who entered into an abusive marriage at 13, and later separated from her husband. She never did learn to read, but she was passionate that her children learn to do so.

She had two son, Curtis and Benjamin. Ben was 8, his brother, Curtis, was 10 when their parents divorced. Sonya worked 2-3 jobs at a time, leaving their small apartment at 5:00 a.m. to go to work, and not coming home until midnight.

When the brothers came home with poor grades, she instituted a strict change. She limited her sons’ TV time and they couldn’t go outside until their schoolwork was done.

Sonya could not have predicted her son Ben would become a famous pediatric surgeon. He performed the first reported separation of twins who were joined at the back of the head. He was an esteemed professor of neurosurgery, oncology, plastic surgery, and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.

Ben Carson always paid tribute to his mother and credits her fervent dedication to him and his brother for their success.{Pages 230-231- Edited for space}

I wonder what Sonya Carson would think of today’s philosophy of allowing the schools to determine what a child is taught. The battle raging today over who should have the say over children-school or parents-is not one Sonya would have tolerated. I firmly believe it is the parent’s responsibility to teach our children, not the schools. The ungodly philosophy taught in our schools, and hiding it from the parents, or even in direct opposition to them, makes my blood boil. Okay…down from the soapbox.

I leave you with this today: we may never know the influence we have now, or down the road. But let’s make sure it is a good one.

May 18

Thursday, May 18th, 2023

I’m continuing my devotional series on women in the Bible whom ladies from OVCF talked about on Mother’s Day.

Lady #1- Mary of Bethany

Lady #2- Tamar

Lady #3- Sarah

Lady #4- Lydia

Today is Lady #5

Last night-in fact, a lot nights this past month or so-Jo and I have spent at the local sports complex watching boys and girls playing ball. It seems as if once or twice a week for the past month we have been at the complex walking from field to field (there are 8 of them), watching children of all ages play ball and often chatting with their parents. To make this a bit more interesting is the fact that I have read to 5 different Kindergarten classes for this past school year and some of those students are playing ball. “Hi Mr. Bill!” are words I hear often. I know their faces but only see the close to 100+ students 1/month, so I’m often clueless as to all their names.

What strikes me, of course, is the amount of time the parents give to their children. Some of them are at the park 2-3 times a week. Some may even sleep there! 🙂 Does their child realize the sacrifice their parent is making for them?  (Have you ever watched T-ball? Then you know exactly what I mean). 🙂 🙂

Probably not.

That sacrifice seems minor in comparison to the one Hannah made. Childless in a society that looked down on childlessness, she begged God for a child. Eli, the priest at the time, thought she was drunk and when she corrected his accusation, he pronounced that God would give her an answer. That answer was Samuel.

There was one caveat. Hannah had promised that if God would give her a son, he would be given to God for His service. When Samuel was weaned, she gave him to God and Eli to fulfill her promise.

WOW! A long-awaited answer to a longing and a prayer given away. I wonder how she felt. This is my opinion here, but I believe that while she ached to give her son to the Lord, she also knew she had made a promise. Samuel became a stalwart figure in the history of Israel.

The story doesn’t end there. Elkanah, the husband, was with her on keeping that vow. They also had 3 more sons and 2 daughters. Not bad for a woman whose womb had been closed and was the object of ridicule by Elkanah’s other wife (Peninnah).  {My note: I wouldn’t brag about that name. Just sayin’…}

Hannah made a promise; kept that promise and reaped the favor of God. I’m not saying making and keeping a promise will always turn out like this, but I do know, and can say, that one can ever go wrong keeping a promise to God.

Ask Hannah. (For more of this story, see I Samuel 1-2).

October 19

Thursday, October 20th, 2022

There are some commercials I have trouble watching. To be fair, I (or have Jo hit) the mute button when commercials do come one, but there are some I refuse to watch. This time of the year are the interminable ones on open enrollment, i.e. Medicare/Medicaid. UGH! And the actors they use who don’t have to worry about things! Another one I can barely stomach is the save-the-pets one. Not because I don’t have a heart for the dogs (and maybe cats 🙂 ). The ladies voice is so…put on…so drab…so annoying. It’s not that I have a heart of stone. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s because if a pro-life commercial was made with ultrasounds and life it would probably be cancelled, because after all, animals are more important than babies.

Okay…off soapbox.

But there is one group of commercials I watch one time and mute them when they come on. The children. The children with cancer.  You know…the St Jude ones. They wrench my heart out. I watch; I tear up. Guaranteed. We have friends of a family in church who have a 4 y/o boy with a brain tumor-a glioma- that without a miracle from God will probably not see age 5.

My highest praise goes out to those doctors and nurses who see them every day, but keep on. My highest praise goes to the pregnancy centers who talk about life for all-born and unborn. My highest praise goes to those who take children in through fostering or adoption because they love children and want to give them a chance in life.

Jesus once said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” (Mt. 19:14 NLT)

Children are a precious gift from God. In Jesus’ day they were add-ons, often without care, and certainly without a “place.” Jesus changed all that. He rocked the Greek and Roman world with His love and stand for children (I suspect even the disciples raised their eyebrows a few times). He gave them importance.

“Father, may I never forget Jesus once said I was to become like a child in my acceptance of you. May I never brush them off or hurt their hearts by my words or actions.”

February 22

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2022

Never underestimate the power of influence. In particular, early influence.

First, a little background. I grew up in a somewhat divided home. My mom wanted to be a missionary but then she met my dad.  I told her once she fulfilled her dream to be a missionary: she raised 4 boys who love Jesus. She did that in spite of some very poor cooperation from my dad. Not that he was antagonistic, an atheist, or anything like that. He never once told us we couldn’t go to church (except when the weather was bad during a Pennsylvania winter).  He wasn’t even uncooperative. Over the long haul his faith just wasn’t very important to him. To my mom, though, her faith was everything. And she did all she could to teach us and to take us to church.

My biggest influence? My grandfather, mom’s dad. Those early years spent with him, walking to church with him were like gold to me. Lots of teaching went into those 3-4 mile walks.

My mind went back to those early days this morning as I read 2 Timothy 3: 14-17: “You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith, which is in Christ Jesus.” (You can read the rest on your own). Paul was reminding Timothy of his upbringing and that from childhood he knew the Scriptures. He tells us elsewhere who was responsible for that. Not his father. His mother and grandmother.

I’m grateful for my mother and my grandfather’s faith. I’m grateful they passed it on to me. Never underestimate the influence of early and consistent teaching.

“Father, thank You for that early influence. Help me to continue pouring my faith into my daughters, my grandson and other young people.”

December 7

Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

I hate to admit that I’ve had a mixed “love affair” with Christmas down through the years. Maybe it is more accurate to say with Santa Claus. Of course, as a youngster I looked forward to Christmas.  What kid doesn’t? As a husband and father I was excited about my daughters’ excitement. But here is where things get a little “dicey.” I was not thrilled about the Santa Clause deal. And while I tried to focus the church folks on Jesus, I found myself getting “hard” against SC. We didn’t really talk about him with the girls nor did we talk against him. After all, Jo’s mom went all out and it would have been an effort in futility to do that.

Long story short: I’m ashamed to admit I became a bit of a Scrooge at Christmas time. While I enjoyed the nostalgia of celebrating Christmas as a child-the secrecy, the tree, the lights, the trains, the snow, etc-I was almost a Scrooge in taking that away from mine. Fortunately, Jo covered for me. 🙂 I enjoyed the laughter of my girls during Christmas. And I eventually straightened up. Strange that I would forget how much Christmas meant for me as a child and almost try to deny my own.

I know what my problem was…now. I was so focused on making sure others remembered the real meaning that I lost sight of it for me.  I focused so much negativity toward SC that I lost sight of Jesus. How crazy is that? Sure Christmas is more than being about presents and shopping and trees, all the trappings. But it is about giving.

And God set the standard! He gave the first gift! It doesn’t hurt to follow suit. And while I still try to focus myself and others on the meaning of the season (Jesus), I don’t want to lose the magic of the season either. The best gift I can give is myself. I can also give grace. My prayer is that will be my song this year.

Will you join in singing with me?

“Father, in spite of all that is going on around me, please help me to sing a song of joy to You this Christmas.”

Note: today is Veteran’s Day. Remember to thank one today for their service to our country and to preserving the freedom we enjoy.

October 18

Monday, October 18th, 2021

As a parent, you love and raise your child(ren) to let them go. You discipline them when they need it. You laugh with them. You cry with them when their heart is broken. You let them spread their wings. And then you let them fly. But through it all…you love them fiercely. You watch them grow into fine, principled young women (in my case). You watch them become good at what they do. You smile when they marry. You are sad if they divorce.

But no father, to quote Theoden from Lord of the Rings, “should ever have to bury his own son.” We were spared that sadness last week, but it is hard to watch your child suffer, no matter the age. I told Jo just this past Friday that it is still hard to believe that Tami had a heart attack.

But, it happened, and I don’t want to sound calloused, I still did not despair. I knew she was in good hands, the BEST. Then today I read Psalm 112:1 and also verse 7: “Praise the Lord! Blessed is the person who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments…He will not fear bad news; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.”

I have an online friend whose husband has gone through several heart procedures. While there is concern, there is no fear. And while there was obvious concern for Tami’s health, there was no fear. She’s in better hands than I have ever given her…the Father’s. And in those hands she will stay. And in those hands I will let her lie.

“Father, thank You that Your hands are strong and sure and enfolding.”

July 7

Wednesday, July 7th, 2021

As my girls were growing up, I/we tried to be good parents. The nature of our personalities and the way we were raised made for an interesting mix. I tended to be more forceful; Jo more docile. I tended to be the one who used physical discipline (God gave a place on the human anatomy for that); Jo not so much. I tended to draw a line; Jo tended to fudge the line from time to time.  All in all though the girls knew we were on the same page as to why they were being disciplined.  There was no pitting us against each other.

We were (and still are) well-meaning parents. We are great grandparents since we can have all the fun and then turn him back over after we have spoiled him. 🙂  (Although living 4-5 hours away sort of short-circuited our opportunities to do that). Anyway, back to earth. Well-meaning parents,-no matter who you are-tend to think the way to mold a child, i.e. shape, control, and regulate behavior is to legislate. We do it by threats, manipulation, and even guilt.

But the truth is that no matter how often we use those different means, behavior cannot be legislated. No matter how much we say, “Don’t do this or that” sin enters the picture. Because we are sinners, sin is a matter of the heart.

Martin Luther King, Jr said that he “longs for the day when people will be judged not by the color of their skin, but the content and intent of the heart.” He was onto something. Not in the area of race (which he was referring to), but in the area of our behavior.

Until hearts are changed, lives won’t be changed.  Until my heart is changed, my life and behavior will not be changed.

I am grateful for God’s change in my life. I just want Him to keep transforming my heart day by day.

“Father, as Romans 12 says may I be ‘transformed by the renewing of my mind.’ May transformation be more than an outward show; may it be in inward heart change.”

April 13

Tuesday, April 13th, 2021

INFLUENCE

That’s the word which crosses my mind this morning.

Today would have been my mother’s 89th birthday.  She never made it to 72. After being diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer which (at the time) mainly struck woman who were non-smokers in December of 2003, she was given a drug concoction called Iressa (spelling in question). The doctor said it should either arrest the growth of cancer or at least slow it down. She received her first treatment in January.  It sped up the cancer growth. So rather than prolonging her life, it shortened it. Dramatically. I spent the last 6 weeks of her life driving back and forth from Sandusky, OH-where I was pastoring a church at the time- to her home in West Mifflin, PA, a drive by turnpike of about 5 hours one way.

He gave her 2-4 weeks to live. At the two week mark she was put in the hospital when her breathing took a bad turn. Come to find out the oxygen machine was faulty.  She was not expected to leave the hospital. Jo and I even made a one day trip to see her.  Yeah, that was a very long day. She came home after two weeks and spent the rest of her time alive and in her home.  She lived a total of six weeks after his diagnosis and the drug treatment. I would drive to take care of her for a couple of days, then head back to Ohio to take care of church duties, then head back. I am so thankful for my Uncle Bob and Aunt Dee who left their home in Texas to take care of her during that time. We made a great tag team.

Mom would wake up from her “nap” and would say, “Oh, I’m still here.” The disappointment was on her face and in her demeanor. But eventually one evening she went home to be with Jesus. She joined her parents and others doing what she loved to do-praise the Father around the throne.

My mother was anything but perfect. Far from it. She could be obnoxiously persistent. She could be a “harper.” But she loved Jesus. She made sure I was in church the first opportunity I had. She made sure I was dedicated to God one Sunday morning when Pastor Graybill laid his hands on me and prayed a blessing over me.  (No, I wasn’t sprinkled since we didn’t practice that).  She taught me the importance of praying and reading the Bible. I can remember her getting up and meeting with me before school to read our devotions and pray together.  There was only one other person who had more influence on me as I was growing up than my mom-my grandfather…her dad.

Influence. I know someday I will be reunited with my mother and grandparents and in-laws. But in some way, I am reunited with her today as I remember her.  I love you mom and T.H.A.N.K.S. for the memories.

“And I thank You Father for the memories. May my life be an influence upon others.”