Suffering
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Thursday, July 3rd, 2025
I went to the dermatologist yesterday. It all started several years ago when I developed an itching that wouldn’t quit and left me with some spots that left me with some questions. Not the “is this cancer?” type of question, but what exactly is it that is causing me to suddenly itch like this? I had some pretty good spots on my back as a result. A trip to a dermatologist showed the spots were not cancer but were actually dermatitis. Contact dermatitis to be exact. That simply means that I was suddenly allergic to certain chemicals used in detergents, cleaning agents, paper products (like toilet paper), and the biggest one of all: body wash. I had been using body wash for years and suddenly it was the culprit. There was a certain ingredient almost all body washes contain that was particularly deadly to me…get ready for it… Cocamidopropyl Betaine. Yeah…I know. I can’t even say it let alone spell it. All I know is that I had to start looking at every body wash on the planet and if it had that ingredient in it, I had to avoid it. Guess it is back to bar soap. 🙂 Fortunately, I found some soap by companies (Everyman Jack, Dr. Squatch, and others) that smell good. In fact, I like them a lot. But I had to watch what products I used. But here is something funny. It is a good thing I am planning on being cremated. Why you ask? Because I am allergic to Formaldehyde. Is that not hilarious? Anyway, there are tons of chemicals I cannot even begin to pronounce in that list. Yay me! 🙂
All that to say is that it actually turned out for my good. I had to change dermatologist due to the other moving away, and this one I have been going to for the past 3-4 years or so has been treating me for spots on my head and face which were suspicious. She has also told me I need to wear a hat in the sun. I hate wearing hats except when I played or umpired baseball!!! I know there are some oddballs whom I think sleep in their hats, but whose judging? 🙂 I got a good report yesterday. She said, “I looked good.” I wanted to be snarky and say, “I know” but I knew she was referring to my head and face. In fact, she did a full-body check and except for a small dermatitis rash, she said I looked good. Again… 🙂 🙂
Proverbs 3:11-13 says, “My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” (NLT) Dr. Chen is obviously not my father, but I’m glad she takes her job seriously. Skin cancer is not something I want to experience. Sometimes you take the pain and inconvenience for the future look.Â
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, God's Plan, Inconvenience, Ministry, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Story, Suffering
Wednesday, June 18th, 2025
C.S. Lewis once wrote:
Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’ (Unbroken Faith-Kim-p.112)
That quote stuck with me as I continued my reading through the book Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim. Oftentimes when we are going through a tough time, a trial, an event where we feel alone, we come upon someone who either knows exactly what we are experiencing or just chooses to be a friend. Lewis’ quote speaks of that first thought: someone who has gone or is now going through what we are experiencing. It could be a loss of someone we love-a spouse, a child, a parent, a ministerial colleague, a pastor, or someone else close to us. Suddenly there is a bond that develops between two people over the commonality of grief. Just when we feel overwhelmed with stress or grief or some other emotion, we meet someone who says, “I know.” I am sure you have heard it said that those who understand the most are those who have struggled with the same thing. No one understands, for example, the alcoholic like the alcoholic. No one understands the pull of addiction like the former addict. And no one understands the weight of grief like the one who has been through it. When Lewis wrote his book, Grief Observed, it came after he lost his wife Joy to cancer. He was devastated as anyone who has been through can well understand. in 2024 I read multiple books on dementia and came to that same conclusion. The most effective ones were not the clinical ones with all the stats and medical jargon, but the one who said, “I have been there. I have watched a spouse or someone I love go through that.”Â
Mrs. Kim has a son who is severely autistic. Not just on the spectrum by a “hair” but one who is full bore on it. She writes from her pain and experience of isolation, of hand-wringing from confusion, from heart-wrenching and gut-wrenching reality of “I’m at my wit’s end.” {Spoiler alert: she always comes back to writing about unconditional love for son. She never gives up on him}. That doesn’t mean, though, that she doesn’t need a friend, someone who can walk through the valley with her. She found some and it sustained her. She found out a universal need we ALL have: she was not alone. She found it in two ways: one, through friends; and two, through knowing God was always walking with her.Â
I once heard and have used the statement: “No man is an island.” No truer words were spoken when we think about our need for friends. Be one. Find one. I’ll be one if you need one: long-distance or close by. Meanwhile, today begins a grueling two day experience of walking through the memorial of the young lady I wrote about two days ago who lost her life in a 2 car collision. Your thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated.Â
Posted in InTheShadow | 6 Responses »
Tags: Empathy, Friendship, Grace, Grief, Kindness, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Suffering
Tuesday, June 17th, 2025
Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim has been a wealth of information and help when considering the effect of autism on families. While I have never personally experienced it, I know others who have and do. Understanding their struggle is essential to me so I can properly minister to them. I’d like to continue passing along some thoughts to you so that you might understand a little bit better.Â
In a chapter entitled “Trapped by the Impossible” Mrs. Kim makes reference to the oft used complaint of the Hebrew children as Moses led them from captivity in Egypt to freedom in the Promised Land. In Exodus 14, after Moses has led them out of Egypt, they find themselves looking into the rearview mirror and seeing Pharaoh fast approaching with his chariots and army. As they look ahead of them they see the seemingly uncrossable Red Sea. When thinking they were hemmed in, they screamed at Moses saying, “Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? We said, ‘Leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It’s better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!'”Â
All they saw was an impossible situation. Die in a sea or die at the hands of Pharaoh and his henchmen. Little did they know that what seemed like an impossible situation in their eyes was just a mere bump in the road to a God who thrives in seemingly impossible situations. If you follow the story to its conclusion, you will find God bringing a heavy cloud between the Israelites and the Egyptians-so thick the Egyptians were paralyzed. Meanwhile, God is parting the Red Sea and the people of Israel are crossing over on dry ground. To further emphasize God’s power, pharaoh and his men think they will cross over just like the Egyptians. Aaaah no.Â
God led His people through the “impossible” situation. That same God still operates today. We are all faced from time to time with impossible situations. We wonder what we are going to do. What our next step will be. How in the world will we ever make it? We have a God who offers us hope. We have a God who still makes the impossible possible. He leads. He protects. He guides. Mrs. Kim wrote this:
“Whatever diagnosis or disaster threatens to overtake us, know that He did not lead us out here to die.” (p.56)Â
Moses told the children of Israel, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” (Ex. 14:13-14 NLT)
What are you navigating these days that seems impossible? Remember He is the God who specializes in making the impossible possible.Â
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Tags: Choices, Christian Living, God's Plan, Miscellaneous, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Story, Suffering
Monday, June 16th, 2025
Where do I start this morning? So much happened and is happening. So much to say but not sure how to or what to. I’ll start with the great, go to the good, and then finish with the heartbreak.Â
First, the great. Today, June 16th, is my 52nd anniversary. In June of 1973 we were two soon-to-be-seniors in college. I pursuing and B.S. in Pastoral Ministry and Jo pursuing (so her mother jokingly said) her Mrs Degree. It wasn’t true, of course. Jo had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. She has stayed out a year after graduating from high school and worked at McDonald’s in Sandusky, OH. It was at the beginning of the causeway entrance to Cedar Point and there were no seats for inside dining. Yeah…it was that long ago. 🙂 We had our first date as freshman near the end of the school year after spending that whole school year with about 8 others exploring caves, eating pizza, and just hanging out together. I wish I could say that date turned out well. It didn’t. But eventually the ship was righted and we got married between our junior and senior year. We have been to a lot of churches (8 in all), with the one I’m currently serving for the last 19+ years. We have also seen a lot of water under the bridge-both good and bad. She recently said she would do it all again. Guess I must have done something right. 🙂
Second, the good. Last week we had a chance to watch our grandson play baseball and have 2 exceptional games. The third game he pinch ran for someone because the coach wanted to give some other guys a chance to play. We have one more chance to watch him play in July before he attends Ohio State this Fall.Â
Third, is the heartbreak. We were sleeping Friday night when I got a phone call about someone who was thought to be in an accident. After making a call to the local Sheriff (I am the chaplain for the department) it was confirmed that she did, in fact, lose her life in a two-car head on collision. The young lady’s family is like family to us and so after a fitful night’s sleep, we made our way home on Saturday. Nothing prepares you for the heartache of losing someone you love-whether sudden like this or slowly. No cliches are fitting (or should be said). The hope I and others have is she was a follower of Christ. Her mom sent a poem she wrote (I don’t know when) where she talked about the better eternity (heaven). It was a moving poem, one I wish others could hear. Maybe some day, with her mom’s permission, I can post it here. No witnesses. No survivors. We may never know what happened. But the ONE who knows all, and the ONE who held her hand at the end, welcomed her into His presence. I kept thinking: “Man knows not his time.”Â
Life is like a box of chocolates, as Forrest Gump used to say. Full of surprises, twists and turns. I experienced that this weekend. Thanks for listening.Â
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Tags: Anniversary, Christian Living, Death, Family, God's Plan, Life's surprises, Love, Opinion, Reflection, Story, Suffering
Wednesday, June 11th, 2025
As I continue reading Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim- her book on having an autistic child who was also diagnosed with ADHD/ADD at the age of 2 and the crisis it brought personally, professionally, and spiritually- my eyes are continually being opened wider. Here is one example why:
“A rogue wave called autism had struck, leaving me sputtering with shock and indignity. In its wake, I was swept along into a career change I never signed up for: full-time caregiver, case manager, disability advocate, and traffic controller. Now my days were spent floundering amidst the waves of therapeutic professionals who cycled in and out of our home, specialists I’d never heard of before with a dizzying array of acronyms: LSW, ABA, OT, SLP, BCBA. Daily, for forty hours a week, as soon as one wave rolled out, another rolled in.”
“Dipping into the reserves of a faith bottomed out, I sagely accepted my new calling: Help the Poor Child. A forced perma-smile betrayed clenched teeth that gritted out my new mantra. “I’m trusting God. I’m trusting God. I’m trusting God…” But inside, I was wrecked. Our son was cognitively disabled; I was now spiritually crippled. Both of us needed urgent and intensive intervention. But therapists only came for him.” (pp.39-40)Â
It was that latter phrase which struck me: They both needed intervention but therapists only came for him. That is a common problem I have encountered when I have talked with people of special-needs children. The child gets the attention, but what about the parent, the caregiver? It is sort of like the pastor who gives and gives without taking time off and then finally finds himself burned out, having an affair, or needing a therapist because of depression. Many parents of special-needs children are forgotten amidst the difficulty of their lives. Diane is not afraid to admit it led to a real crisis in her faith and she hit rock bottom. The sad part is there will be those “Christians” who will chide her or condemn her or think less of her because she is willing to admit that. IMHO that is one of the first steps needed to be taken for healing to begin.Â
My takeaway: instead of condemning or even opening our mouth, perhaps a listening ear or a sympathetic “Here, let me carry that load with you for awhile” is what is needed. While the attention is rightfully on the child, let’s not lose sight of the parent(s) who are also struggling and often feeling abandoned. I personally believe that is exactly what Jesus would have done.Â
Jo, Tami and I are leaving for Ohio today and will be back in town on Saturday after watching Braden (grandson/nephew) play a few games of baseball. I’m not sure about posting tomorrow but your prayers for safe travel sure would be appreciated.Â
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Tags: Christian Living, Faith/Feelings, God, God's Plan, Love, Mercy, Ministry, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Story, Suffering, Trials
Tuesday, June 10th, 2025
I’ve been reading some more from Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim. I’d like to pass along some thoughts she had that I highlighted in my reading (she has a special needs son diagnosed with autism):
“We grieve the loss of what could have been. Our Father understands and grieves with us. Yet for every parent who mourns, the ultimate Abba is also at work to exchange beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning (Isaiah 61:3). God understands our heartache, but He does far more than that. He redeems it.” (p.17)
When visiting a place of amusement, the clashing of sounds, the odors of french fries, perfume, and diesel fuel proved to be too much for their son. Fifty feet past the entrance their son began to gag and his body revolted, thrashing him against the concrete. Gone was the chance for a good time at the park and her husband dragged their son back to the minivan where he lashed out at his dad, and dad lashed out at his Father. Her description of that scene was followed by a quote: “Nobody gets through a broken world unbroken.” (p.35. Spoken by Dr. Ed Stetzer)
Finally: “When grief depletes us of reason and we lash out blindly, our Father enfolds us in safety. When we push and pull away in bitterness and blame, He endures our outbursts with longsuffering. He suffers and grieves our losses with us. He is strong enough to contain our rage, compassionate enough to quell it, and magnanimous enough to overlook it. He is big enough to handle our meltdowns without taking offense and does not treat us as our sins deserve. He forgive us, for He knows we know not what we do.” (p.37)Â
Mrs. Kim has said a lot in the pages I have read, but those are just 3 highlights. I’m looking forward to reading more and hopefully sharing it with you. What I have written here today I pray will help you in some way. It did me. Was there any one quote that spoke to your heart this morning?
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Tags: Christian Living, God, God's Plan, Ministry, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Story, Suffering, Trials
Monday, June 9th, 2025
Last night I picked up a book to begin reading entitled Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim. I confess of never having heard of her before but the subject of the book intrigued me. It is subtitled “Spiritual Recovery for the special-needs parent.” I have only read the foreword by Joni Eareckson Tada, a quad since she had a swimming accident as a teenager. And I have read the Introduction by Mrs. Kim. What drew me to the book were several things: First, we have several who have special-needs kids, some of them on the spectrum. In fact, one recently found out both her twin boys are on the spectrum. Second, I would like to know some answers as to how I can help them. Since I have had two girls who have not had special needs, my hands are tied in understanding and helping. But I want to learn how I can help these parents as their pastor. This book comes highly recommended so I look forward to learning.Â
I was struck by an opening quote used between the foreword and the introduction. Just one simple line:
The world breaks everyone and afterward some are strong at the broken places. Ernest Hemingway, Â A Farewell to Arms.
Hemingway definitely had his demons, as do we all. Sadly, his demons led him to take his own life. He was broken but failed to take his own advice and get stronger. That is not a put-down of Mr. Hemingway, but an observation based on knowing others like him. I suspect if not for my faith, I may have felt like that a time or two myself. I never, ever had the urge to end my life, but I have been down in the dumps from time to time. Fortunately, my extroverted, positive personality hasn’t let me stay in the shadows for very long. Even when I lost my job a couple of times, I never fell that low.Â
My faith tells me that I am being tested to come out stronger. The Apostle Peter wrote, “There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold-though your faith is far more precious that mere gold.” (I Peter 1:6-7 NLT) What Mr. Hemingway wrote is true: people can become stronger at the broken places. That is never more true than for the one who follows Christ. Let’s use our challenges, our broken places, as places to fortify ourselves and to build our faith.
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Tags: Christian Living, God's Plan, Ministry, Opinion, Perseverance, Reflection, Special Needs, Story, Suffering, Trials
Friday, June 6th, 2025
The truth is that no one is exempt from problems. Anyone who tells you that is either a kook, a liar, a false teacher, or all the above. When it come to problems there are three types of people:
- Those facing problems now
- Those who have just faced problems
- Those about to face problemsÂ
The question is not “if” but “when.” Think about your own life or those of friends or people you love. Trouble is only a phone call or an x-ray away. Job’s story seems like it might be over the top, and perhaps it is compared to many of our lives. And while we may not lose everything like he did, what we go through or are now going through is big in our eyes. That leaves us all with one common question that crops up more than you can imagine:
WHY?
My message this week will try to tackle that question. I’m going to try to look at it from an earthly perspective and also from a heavenly perspective. I certainly don’t have, won’t have, nor will be able to give all the answers, (in fact, will just touch the hem of the garment), but I am going to try to tackle the question of “Why?” I would love to have you join us in person if possible. If not, please join us via live stream. Whether in person or via live stream, we meet at 9:00 and 10:45. Send a request to join our Facebook Group at Owen Valley Christian Fellowship or view our public page at Owen Valley Christian Fellowship-Spencer, In. Or you can watch via YouTube at Owen Valley Christian Fellowship. I look forward to seeing you or hearing from you online. And let me ask you to do me a favor: please let us know you are watching and then feel free to comment-yay or nay. If you have any questions, please ask and I will get back to you. Thanks. And thanks for praying for us.
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Tags: God's Plan, Reflection, Sermon Series, Suffering, Trials, Why?
Wednesday, May 7th, 2025
Viktor Frankl. Douglas Groothuis (pronounced Grewties quiet “s”). What do they have in common? Viktor is a concentration camp survivor. Douglas is a philosopher who anchors all he says and believes in his faith in Jesus. Around 2014 his wife, Becky, was diagnosed with PPA (primary progressive aphasia). PPA is a rare from of dementia, worse than Alzheimer’s. It took a brilliant wordsmith and a member of the MENSA society and made her a shell. Douglas wrote a book Walking Through Twilight that I am rereading for the second time. There are several reasons, none of which are relevant to this post, so I will forego the reason. Doug is lamenting the loss he is suffering as he watches his once brilliant wife waste away to nothing. (She mercifully went home to Jesus in 2018).Â
He was writing at one point about visiting his wife in a psych ward (a terrible place for her). The drive to and from was about 60 miles, so visiting, while still teaching at Denver Seminary, was taxing. But he said, “God met me in those visits.” (p.12). He had been re-reading Viktor Frankl’s classic study of suffering and meaning, Man’s Search for Meaning, in which Frankl expresses that human value can be affirmed in the thick of searing suffering, as he found in Hitler’s prison camps. Be we have to change ourselves. Frankl says,
When we are no longer able to change the situation…we are challenged to change ourselves. (p.12)Â
But it is later that Frankl wrote what I consider to be the gem of his work:
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. (p.12)
WOW! That is a mouthful. And a heart full. While I am not one of the “positive thinking gurus” who walk around talking positivity is the answer to all of life’s questions, I do believe our attitude does play a lot in our view of life. Too many people, including those who call themselves Christ-followers, spend way to much time looking like they sucked on pickle juice for a good part of the day-or even their life. It’s the old discussion of is your glass half empty or half full. As I work my way through the book of Job in my reading, I am reminded again of Job’s perspective versus his so-called “friends.” You know the old statement “With friends like you who needs enemies”? That fits. Job didn’t need them. He needed the reassurance of God’s presence. He got it eventually. So do we. In fact, it is never failing. May your day be a reassurance of that truth.
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Tags: Choices, Dementia, Faith/Feelings, God, Opinion, Perseverance, Positive/Negative Attitude, Reflection, Suffering, Trials
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2025
As I have mentioned in several posts, I am rereading Glynn Young’s 5 part series called Dancing Priest. In fact, due to a schedule that allowed me to read a little more than usual in the evening, and a few later nights than normal, I have completed reading the series again. I plan to use the last two books in the series as inspiration for posts this week.Â
I have a confession to make first. I have really struggled with this post. NOT because of the book. It was fabulous. Well-written, holding my attention as each page wrapped me into the story, I struggled, not because of the story, but because of the subject matter. To clarify: I am not trying to scare anyone away, but you must be aware of the seriousness of the subject matter. Woven in the story of newly crowned King Michael and Queen Sarah Kent-Hughes, is a story so heart-wrenching I had to stop a few times to gather my emotions. King Michael is ready to get down to business serving the people of the UK, not knowing a looming scandal involving the Church of England (CoE)-of which he is an ordained priest- is about to rock his world. Michael is forced to take on the job of running the government because politicians do what politicians do best-fight each other and refuse to compromise and get along. (Hmmm sounds familiar). In the midst of all of this, Michael is made aware by various different ways (one which involves his and Sarah’s adopted son, Jason), of the sexual abuse running rampant in the CoE. I’m not going to go into detail on the scandal. You will have to read it yourself to find out more! 🙂
However, there is a discussion between King Michael and Queen Sarah that stuck out to me. As Michael was looking back over what was (his preparing and preaching) and Sarah was expecting their first child (Hank), he says, “It seems like decades, and another life.”
Sarah replies: “It was another life. Even if we don’t know what we’re doing, Mike, or what we should do, God does. The stuff that’s horrible or appalling or perplexing, He knows it. He has us both here for a reason, if we can’t fathom it and even if we want to be anywhere else but here. Mike, He’s ripping the lid off the sewer; it’s just hard to be one of the workers He sends in to clean out the pipes.” (p.222)
What a vivid description of what often has to happen to ugly situations. Rip the lid off the sewer and clean out the pipes. Spoiler alert: the subject matter is a clergy scandal of abuse which rapidly spreads. It is ugly. It is a sewer. But Glynn rips the lid off and gives us a whiff of the smell. Glynn could have taken this from the headlines.Â
‘Nuff said. I’d suggest reading the book yourself. But start with #1. And if you, or someone you love, is a victim of clergy abuse, report it and get help.
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Tags: Church, Clergy abuse, God, Leadership, Ministry, Opinion, Reflection, Sin, Suffering
