Sympathy

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February 6

Thursday, February 6th, 2025

“God gained another angel.”

What a horrible, horrible and cold-hearted way to respond to someone who has lost a loved one, especially a child! Those were our sentiments last night.

Let me explain: on Wednesday night I have what I call Wednesday Night Conversations. It’s just a gathering of whoever wants to come and sit around and discuss issues and try to find Biblical answers to those issues. I am using 9 Common Lies Christians Believe by Shane Pruitt as my basis for the conversations. The previous conversation was “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”  Last night’s was “God gained another angel.”

We will often hear that statement used during a funeral, especially by people who are trying to find something to say to parents who lost a child. I know those who say those words are only trying to be helpful and sympathetic, but it simply is not true. And to be brutally honest, the ones who lost that child or that loved one DO NOT want to hear that God wanted their child more than they did. I have stood beside parents whose child passed away or was stillborn or miscarried after month’s inside the mother’s womb and those are not words they want to hear. At those times the only words I found to say was “I’m sorry and if I could take away your pain I would.” More often than not all I could offer was an arm around the shoulder or a shoulder to cry on or a chest to beat on if they wanted to.

Many people have this misguided idea that we become angels when we die. Or a butterfly (or some other tangible expression) to show they are with us. Without getting into too much detail, angels are a whole ‘nother discussion when it comes to who is who and what is what. Hebrews 1:14 tells us angels are servants whose role is to care for people who will inherit salvation. Angels are God’s messengers. They are God’s protectors of His people (Dan. 6:22). They are created to worship God (Is. 6:3). They are God’s warriors (2 Kings 19:35).  As great as angels are, God did not send His Son to die for them. God so loved humans he came as a human to die for humans. (And we don’t get wings)

So…what do you say to someone while standing at a casket or graveside? Sometimes absolutely nothing. Don’t even say, “Call me if you need something.” Most won’t, but one of the ladies made a great suggestion. She lost her husband suddenly and she now visits to show her love and sympathy but then a short while later will call that person and say, “I have been thinking of you. Let’s grab lunch today or tomorrow (set a specific time).” Sometimes the best thing to do is to cry with them or let them cry. Don’t judge. Don’t tell them they will get over it or need to get over it. And please, don’t tell them “God gained another angel.”

 

December 4

Wednesday, December 4th, 2024

Learning Journal #5: WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE…

…is dying

…has died

…has a long-term illness

…has dementia or Alzheimer’s

…turns his/her back on their faith

…comes out of the closet sexually

…disowns you or turns against you

…makes bad decisions

As one can imagine, the scenarios would never stop. Those are just the tip of the iceberg.

Funny thing (not ha-ha funny) is that many are either too hard to answer or really have no answer. The hard truth is that sometimes there is no answer, or at least, an easy one. But there are people who think they have the answer. But, generally, they don’t have answers. They have cliches.

  • “God is good all the time; all the time God is good.” I cannot even begin to tell you how annoying that is. Let me use one word: REAL. It’s not that it isn’t true. It is to an extent. But you just don’t go spouting that cliche off to a parent whose child announced he/she is leaving the faith or is seeking gender surgery or cancer has been found. Or a man’s wife stares back at him with no recollection of who he is. Yeah…not good words to say carelessly.
  • “Praise the Lord anyhow!” No. Curse Him is what we really feel like doing. The last thing God wants for us to do is pretend all is well. He will be there as we continue soothing our heart and working through our pain and seeking His will.

You get my drift. Sometimes we are just better off keeping our words and cliches to ourselves. Sometimes all that other person needs is for someone to just show up. Galatians 6:2 says, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” (NLT)  Doesn’t get much plainer than that.

And you don’t even need to use words.

{Note: if you get a chance check out this post I read the other day. It says it much better than I can}

September 7

Thursday, September 7th, 2023

I was thinking this morning about the seeming coldness of so many people. Even those who are so-called “social justice warriors” are, when you come right down to it, often in it for themselves. They have a social agenda they want to accomplish-whether it be racial, environmental, lifestyle, or even religious. Instead of truly caring for people, many “front” their agenda with fake concern, fake activism. Whether it be for money, fame, a name, or an agenda, they truly don’t care for others.

How different from what the Bible says is true caring. Just a couple of Scriptures show that. Before I do though, let me add this: there is a big-no make that gigantic-difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy says, “I’m sorry” but does nothing. It reminds me of that annoying boy in Polar Express who says, “I’m sorry. I really am” but you get the feeling of “not really.” Empathy, on the other hand, truly feels sorrow but then does two things: 1) puts oneself in their place; and 2) does something about it.

Now for the Scripture…and trust me when I say no commentary will be needed. In I Corinthians 12, after speaking about how each member of the body-hand, foot, ear, eye, nose-need each other, Paul concludes with these words: “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” (verse 26 in ESV).

The other Scripture is found in James 2. James discusses favoritism (rich vs poor) in the church assembly by giving favored seats; partiality in morality (overlooking one sin for another sin); and then he hits my point: “If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” (Verses 15-17 in ESV)

No racial, environmental, or social agenda. Just a faith agenda: one where feet are put to our faith. Empathy, not just sympathy, is the calling card of a life of faith.