Are you a fixer?
You know what that is don’t you? A fixer is a person who thinks they can fix everyone’s life. You know the person. Someone confides in them and instead of listening, they are stirring the brain waves to figure out how to fix that other person’s life, circumstances, challenges-you name it. It is maddening at times, especially when all you want is for someone-anyone-to just listen. But no, the fixer tells you how you can “fix” your life and make it better.
I have often told people-from the pulpit and in person- that it is not my place to fix them. It is God’s place to do that through the presence of the Holy Spirit in their life. I’m going to flip that for a moment and make it more personal (in the hopes that you will see my point better). Let’s suppose I am talking to you about situations/challenges in my life that I am just seeking to have another perspective or another “ear” to just let me bounce off some thoughts. But your mind is churning with answers and advice. And sadly you aren’t really listening to me. You want to “fix” me. But you simply cannot do it. You simply cannot change me. Whether I’m right or wrong, the power to change is not in you. Several days ago I read the following from Journey to the Cross by Paul David Tripp:
You could not work changes inside me that would ensure that not only would I never do the same thing again, but I would treat you with a deeper love and respect and have a fresh commitment to give and to serve. You can forgive me, but you are not able to change me. What you did for me was wonderful and kind, but because you are human and limited, it is not enough. The cross of Jesus Christ not only does the first two things for us (forgiveness and reconciliation), but it also does the third thing for us (change). (p.68)
And that’s my point. No matter what you do for me; no matter what I do for myself; it is never enough. All human efforts at change will falter. All the resolve fades. Real change can only take place when God is allowed His rightful ownership of our lives. The way to start making changes is for submission and surrender to SOMEONE who knows you better than you know yourself.
You are absolutely correct here, Bill. Only Jesus, who knows us better than we know ourselves, can truly “fix” us when we surrender to Him. And He’s always here to listen, too.
Blessings!
Thanks for the affirmation Martha. I like what you said about always here to listen. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this… without going into the details, we had a group of men gathered for an event last night at our local church. As the evening began to wind down, I was having conversations 1 on 1 with a number of men that shared their individual struggles… Rather than letting them know that I would pray for them, I was lead to stop right there and pray with them in the moment and in the hurt. We most certainly can’t fix, but we can call on our Savior, our Father, to meet them in the moment. As we prayed, tears came. The only advice I had to offer was don’t quit and don’t carry the burden alone.
You did exactly the right thing Ryan! Knowing the ultimate “fixer” is Jesus and not you led them to Him. Way to go!
Great advice Bill. I think the best gift we can offer someone is to truly listen attentively, and then pray with them asking for Gods guidance. To often our good intentions, are misguided and cause further problems. Just as David did returning the Ark from the Philistines. His praise and honor to God was awesome, but he did not have the Levites move the Ark, he built a cart to move it, and it cost Uzzah his life. David missed the most important part of moving the Ark, and honoring God. He had good intentions, but without moving the Ark God’s way he lost a trusted friend. Our best intentions of “fixing” someone are meant for good, but we cannot stand in the way of the one who can and will created the real change in someone.
What a great example Gail! Our best intentions are often a bad suggestion to others. Follow God’s lead.
Ah, I hear ya, Bill. For years, I embraced that job and loved it. It filled some kind of weird emptiness inside.
But those years are gone. I know now that it’s not my job to rescue, fix, or save. Just to love well. And believe that the Spirit will do His work with power.
I know you counseled (and still do through your blog and other ways). It is heartening to know a professional sometimes find himself/herself doing what I have tried to and failed. I was glad to hear you say, “I know now that it’s not my job to rescue, fix, or save.”