“He won’t have friends.” “He won’t go to college.” “He won’t be able to work and have a career.” “He won’t get married and have a family.” First, such cruel things to say to a hurting mother. Second, they are the norm for comments made to mothers/fathers of autistic children. This will be my last post on the saga of Diane Dokko Kim from her book “Unbroken Faith.”
Excuse my French but people can be such idiots. They have to have an opinion about everything, even things they don’t understand. Mrs Kim says it well: “Regardless of how rare a child’s diagnosis, every special-needs parent’s mind slips into a universal pit of despair, as if bound to an unalterable script.” (p.183) The parent asks questions like, “What will our child’s life be like?” “What will happen to him/her if something happens to me?” “Is his life forever a hopeless cycle of ‘He can’t do this or that'”?
Bound up in that is our foolhardy idea of what success is. Way too many of us think success if a nice house, 2+ cars, kids who excel, a great job, tons of money in the bank, etc. Just looking at that list should tell you how warped our idea of success is. We have lived in a comfortable ranch house since 2006 but it is nowhere near like so many others surrounding us. I have two paid off cars. I have one daughter who teaches K kids and lives with us, and the other lives in another state-a divorce statistic. I do have a great job I absolutely love and have been at this current one for 19+ years. As I edge toward the reality of how much longer can I do this? (I am 72), I definitely don’t have tons of money in the bank and if not for the generosity of a friend, I would have almost nothing in my retirement (I don’t get SS). Am I successful? To the world. No. To the people who matter in my life-my wife, daughters who still love and respect me, a grandson who still hugs me and says he loves me, a church full of people who I know love me? A BIG FAT YES!
I like what Mrs Kim quoted: “Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master. Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher. Had no medicines yet they called Him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.” (p.185) And here is the amazing thing: He accomplished all of that without a degree, career, marriage, family, or loyalty of friends. I wonder what people today would have said about him?
Mrs Kim’s son, Jeremy, at the time of her writing the book (2017) was 16. Mostly nonverbal, functions socially at the level of a 3-4 year old, is prone to wander and requires constant supervision. He has singing outbursts and giggles out loud at inopportune times. But his life is not wasted. He has spurred special-needs ministries in multiple churches, as well as volunteers galore.
Enrich your life. Read this book.
This quote from Mrs. Kim about Jesus’ life truly made me sit up and take notice, Bill. What is success in the long run? We dress it up in so many earthly ways, don’t we? Yes, I’d say any of us that have Jesus as the Lord of our life and act accordingly can claim true success.
Blessings!
I really like the quote also Martha. it told me what true success was and how we have a warped view of it. Jesus is a true model for us in so many ways.
Quite the dichotomy when you compare Jesus’ life vs what the world calls success. Jesus flips the norm on it’s head. Matthew 18 speaks of the faith of a child and Matthew 18:4 indicates that those who are humble as a child will be the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Looking forward to the conversations with my nieces and nephews that have been primarily non-verbal up to this point. Until then, the high-five says enough.
You are right Ryan. The dichotomy is striking. Give them a high five for me.
Kim’s quote on when you have a child with special needs, your mind can spiral into a pit of despair, with an unalterable script, that is so hard to imagine what she faces on a daily basis. That quote just makes you take notice of how many things that I take for granted. I have only know a few people with kids with special needs, but all of those kids still had a higher functioning capability than what her son is experiencing. Trying to set up and provide for a child that can never take care of themselves, and all the extra work required, that is a very hard reality. I love the fact that Jeremy’s life has provided special needs ministries in multiple churches, and has opened peoples eyes in so many ways.
Very good and wise comment Gail. I agree with you on the hardship of living with a special needs child who will always need help. But I’m also glad to see it has long-reaching affect, sort of like Joni’s has.
The verse from Romans, “All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes” comes to mind. We were just discussing in Bible study this week how God can use ANYTHING to accomplish His purpose. What we go through can be used to help someone else going through a similar experience. A family in our church has an autistic child and Diane’s book is the first one they read after the diagnosis!
I’m glad to hear of that family who read Diane’s book. We have a couple who have twins and both are on the spectrum. I plan to recommend it to them.