I finally said it out loud yesterday while talking to one of the elders on the way home from the one day conference in Trafalgar. “I’m tired,” I said, “And if I am honest, a little fried. I feel I guided us through the pandemic fairly well. I (we) worked hard trying to stay in contact with the people. I thought I was going to get some time away in about a week but that trip to AZ was postponed until maybe March. I make no apology for riding or working out. It is my safety net, my sanity trip.”
I said more, but the truth is I am tired. I’m also edgy. What scares me is exhaustion makes me vulnerable. To mistakes. To poor decisions. To raw emotions. To feeling incompetent.
Psalm 142:7-9 spoke to my weary soul this morning. Couple that with 144:1-2 and it was what the doctor ordered. {Please take a moment to read those verses}. Every morning I try to meet with God and have an Encounter Time with Him. I want this to be more than just read a few devotional “helps”; read Scripture; journal; and pray for the folks of OVCF by name. I want Psalm 143:8 to be me! “Let me hear Your faithfulness in the morning, For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; for you lift up my soul.” I WANT 143:1-2 to flood by soul. I not only want it; I NEED it. Especially now.
I want to burn for Jesus, not flame out. I want to make a difference, not be indifferent. I want to walk the path, not fall by the wayside. I want to be faithful, not fail.
“Father, be my rock, my faithfulness, my fortress, my stronghold, my Savior, my shield in whom I take refuge (Ps.144:1-2).”
To some degree, Bill, you have much in common – with the rest of us. It’s been harder for pastors, I think, trying to manage everything they have to do. In many ways, you’re a frontline worker, too.
Thanks Glynn. I have not heard it put that way when describing a pastor. I am honored to stand with all the other frontline workers/heroes.
Burnout is a real thing. Keep a close eye on it. I am very glad you trusted one of the elders of your concern. More so that you had the courage to put it here where all could read. My prayers are with you. Never hesitate to reach out if you need more than prayers. If you need someone to talk to or brainstorm with or just hang out with.
Thanks Ryan. Real friends offer what you just did. I appreciate that. And I am watching myself closely.
Coincidentally, Bill, that same Psalm was on my Bible reading list for today. Wanting to burn for Jesus is great, but you need to watch yourself so that you don’t flame out. I hope and pray you will take rest and refuge in the Lord today and in all the days to come. He knows how much you have on your plate, and He will come along side you to give you the strength you need.
Blessings!
I’d say that was a “God-incident” Martha that we would read the same Psalm today. Thanks for the encouraging words also.
I simply love that when we are down and out God is not! He’s always there.. always ready to lend an ear.. or a push.. or a shove maybe…
I’m just glad He is there and never leaves.