July 27

Written by Bill Grandi on July 27th, 2023

We often use as a rule of thumb the old adage called The Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That is a good ruler to use…


What do you do with those who continually mistreat, continually belittle, continually demean, continually malign, and basically make your life miserable? What then?

I’m not one who feels one should continually be stepped on, stepped over, or discarded. Admittedly, it does take a lot to get me to the point of “blowing their doors off” but that is another story for another time. There are just some people, though, who seem to be happiest then they are miserably making others’ lives that way. They complain about every little thing. They put down others’ efforts  as maybe being inadequate, or misguided. No one does it quite right (least to their specifications).  Too little experience. Things aren’t quite straight enough, spectacular enough, creative enough…you get the picture.

If you are like me, you get tired of the grumbling. the judging; the “it’s not good enough;” or the like. It calls for you to either walk away, or ignore, become like them, or…

…you show them extra grace. There are just some people who require it. Instead of joining their club or ignoring their club, why not try to find the source of their attitude or sour disposition?  Maybe they are suffering some trauma? Maybe they have stuff going on that makes it feel like there is a vice on their heart or head. While it is never easy showing extra grace, Proverbs 25:21-22 is true: “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head…”  (NASB2020)

Be an extra grace-giving person if you can. You never know whose life you can help make a difference in.

{Note: I know there is more to this topic and it can be much more complicated. This is just surface talk. Let me just say this: do not allow their attitude to determine yours and the way they treat others (or you) to determine how you do.}


8 Comments so far ↓

  1. Easier said than done, Bill, but I do agree with you that we need to make the effort to understand when others need that extra measure of grace.

    • Bill Grandi says:

      Oh, I most definitely agree Martha. That’s why the note at the end. 🙂 but you are right…an effort does need to be made.

  2. Ryan S. says:

    Bill, It is easy to let our emotions pull us into retaliation and bitterness when we have been wronged. It is easy to let the rage build up and want to lash out. That was me over the weekend. Time can help, if you don’t focus on the negative. Realizing the past cannot be changed, but my response can change my future… for the better or for the worse.

    • Bill Grandi says:

      Well said Ryan. I believe that is one reason it is good to “sit on” something. I can remember an older pastor telling me that is one reason to prepare sermons over a period of time. It keeps the pastor from preaching mad. That was some good advice.

  3. gail says:

    I like Rick Warren’s saying “hurt people hurt people”. We never know the whole story of what someone else might be going through. It is difficult to extend extra grace, but Jesus set the bar to the max with His grace, so we can certainly extend extra grace ourselves when we know its the right thing to do. You cannot teach people what grace is, if you never show them the act of what grace feels like in their lives.

    • Bill Grandi says:

      True Gail: hurting people hurt people. But even truer is your last statement: you cannot teach people grace if it is not shown. Well said.

  4. Cheryl says:

    A minister friend used to call these kinds of people are EGRs – Extra Grace Required! I often think of James 4:6, “He giveth more grace.” My dear mom used to say, “Cheryl, human love can only go so far. Then we need God’s love.” That agape love will enable us to keep loving and bearing with others long after human love has been exhausted and when they certainly do not deserve it. Thank you for this timely reminder, Pastor Bill!