The gift of forgiveness is one of, if not the greatest gift we can give someone…AND OURSELVES.

Many years ago I was meeting with a group of elders in a public restaurant. Another man had asked if he could join us and one of the men said Yes. After a chatty and lighthearted lunch, this man man launched into a vindictive and accusatory castigation of me and my ministry. He asked accusatory questions (not moral ones) about my time and what I did with it. (I did not answer him since it was none of his business). More questions. And then his coup de grace was telling me I should resign and move back to Ohio. Then, as was his modus operandi after a making a scene, he got up and left. I was not the only one who sat in stunned silence. I broke the ice and simple asked one question, a question that would seal what I would decide to do. I asked them if they agreed with him and did they want me to resign. “If you do,” I said, “You have my resignation today. I will not work with men who do not support me. I will not put up with such groundless accusations.” To a man they said, “No.” They all felt he was way off base and the man who approved him coming apologized never expecting that. They proved it the next meeting when he showed up (thanks to the yes from the same man who thought he was going to apologize). Instead, he came loaded for bear and made the same proposition: “Move back to Ohio where you belong.” They said after he left (again the same way), “Absolutely not.”

Several factors came into play. First, he was ticked off that his proposed building project that would have cost in the $5-600k range was rejected by the leadership. (Good thing too since factors soon took place that changed the trajectory of our direction).

Second, and more importantly, what was I going to do? You may find this hard to believe but I chose the path of forgiveness. I have seen enough lives ruined by refusing to forgive than I care to talk about. Marriages have crumbled; friendships have fallen apart never to be repaired; churches split; physical infirmities as a result of holding a grudge; all as a result of refusing to forgive.

I chose to forgive. I greeted him with outstretched hand and a smile. I asked him to help out with things (but was turned down). Why? Not because I’m a super saint. Far from it. My natural instinct was to defend myself. Instead, I tried to practice Colossians 3:12-13- “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”  Was I perfect in it? Nope. There were times I struggled with my anger and emotions. There were times I wanted to tell others and have them defend me, i.e. boost my ego. I also knew this: the failure to forgive makes us that person’s slave. They own us. We hurt no one but ourselves when we refuse to forgive.

I have no idea how he feels, even to this day. But I know how I feel. Not vindicated. Not holier-than-thou. I do feel peace. I am not suffering from poor health from holding a grudge. And I do know Jesus stands even taller in my eyes when I read that He said, “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.” He had it much rougher than me, that’s for sure.

What about you? Are you carrying a grudge you need to dump? Are you seeking to get even? Dump it. Excuse my French: IT. AIN’T. WORTH. IT!