Learning Journal #5: WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE…
…is dying
…has died
…has a long-term illness
…has dementia or Alzheimer’s
…turns his/her back on their faith
…comes out of the closet sexually
…disowns you or turns against you
…makes bad decisions
As one can imagine, the scenarios would never stop. Those are just the tip of the iceberg.
Funny thing (not ha-ha funny) is that many are either too hard to answer or really have no answer. The hard truth is that sometimes there is no answer, or at least, an easy one. But there are people who think they have the answer. But, generally, they don’t have answers. They have cliches.
- “God is good all the time; all the time God is good.” I cannot even begin to tell you how annoying that is. Let me use one word: REAL. It’s not that it isn’t true. It is to an extent. But you just don’t go spouting that cliche off to a parent whose child announced he/she is leaving the faith or is seeking gender surgery or cancer has been found. Or a man’s wife stares back at him with no recollection of who he is. Yeah…not good words to say carelessly.
- “Praise the Lord anyhow!” No. Curse Him is what we really feel like doing. The last thing God wants for us to do is pretend all is well. He will be there as we continue soothing our heart and working through our pain and seeking His will.
You get my drift. Sometimes we are just better off keeping our words and cliches to ourselves. Sometimes all that other person needs is for someone to just show up. Galatians 6:2 says, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” (NLT) Doesn’t get much plainer than that.
And you don’t even need to use words.
{Note: if you get a chance check out this post I read the other day. It says it much better than I can}
As I read this post this morning, I am reminded of a text I received just yesterday regarding a friend’s wife who has just received news that cancer has been discovered and where it was found probably indicates that it is not isolated. This post is a good reminder to choose words carefully and in some cases simply a hug may be the best thing to say.
I’m sorry to hear about the health diagnosis Ryan but you are correct that a hug might be the best thing to say.
Platitudes never cut it, especially when someone is hurting deeply. If anything, our glib declarations will turn that person away from the One Source who can actually bring comfort and peace. Such a great lesson, Bill! Blessings!
You words are so spot on Martha! Platitudes never cut it is the truth! I would hate to know how many were turned off by glib declarations spouted off with piety or callous disregard to another.
Great post Bill. Sometimes the best words are, I love you and I am here for you. Pray with them, simply say God this is beyond our understanding so just help us cope, and let us feel your love, and help us to cling to You. The last thing you want to do is turn someone away from God by saying something that does not help, or makes things worse. Make sure you are there for that person do not just show up once, continue to show up, continue to pray, and make sure that person knows they are loved.
I like your thought Gail that the best words are “I love you and I’m here for you.” it is important to just show up sometimes. And praying with them or for them is huge.
I will admit, when someone I know receives (Why do I always misspell that word?) bad news I tend to be speechless. Usually, I either end up hugging them or I end up crying with them.
Sometimes that is all they need. Well done Ed