On one of the old Happy Days TV programs, teenager Richie Cunningham had just been “grounded for life” by his father for misbehavior. As father and son talked about Richie’s misdeed and the punishment, Howard Cunningham asked his son, “Do you know that there is a lesson in this for you?” Richie’s response was priceless: “I figured anything with this much pain had to have a lesson in it somewhere.” How true, Richie, how true. It is a given that more lessons, more life-changing and life-altering lessons, are learned through difficulties and trials than through ease. In fact, I would venture to say the answer would be zero lessons learned when life is easy.
As I preached on this yesterday I used the illustration of the death of my father-in-law. In 1998 he was being operated on to have a triple by-pass redone. They had done one years before but could not find any evidence of it. During the operation, they were able to do two of the by-passes and when they opened them up they “pinked up” perfectly. But suddenly all the plaque from the old ones let loose and he died on the operating table. I was unprepared for that. Several days later I did his funeral service and held myself together for that. But following that and the meal which followed I went out by myself and bawled like a baby in my van. In 25 years I had never lost someone super close to me and I had done tons of funerals. For the first time I had truly felt the pain of losing someone I loved. I was closer to him than I was my own flesh and blood father. He told me once he was unsure how he felt about his daughter marrying a pastor (more about how he would act around me), but that she chose well and he was proud I was his son-in-law. He could be funny and “earthy” at the same time. He once got a smirk on his face as he began working on my taxes and lit up a cigar. He knew I was allergic to it but the smell was awful. It literally gagged me. He bust out laughing because he knew that would be my reaction and I would leave the office. At the same time, he loved his family and that included me. His love for his two granddaughters was a sight to watch.
I learned a lot through his death. I became “human” as a pastor. I now understood the pain people felt at the loss of a loved one. I no longer participated in a funeral as a detached entity. I try to remember that, even today, soon-to-be 27 years removed from his death. Empathy is a big thing. Take the time to slow down and hear people’s hearts ache. Lend an ear. Better yet, lend a hand or a shoulder. My biggest lesson was not learned in a time of ease, but in the fire.
Beautiful post, Bill, from a beautiful pastor’s heart. Thank you for sharing your broken heart at the loss of your father-in-law. You are so genuine!
Thank you Diane. That means a lot.
There is some truth in the old adage about “walk a mile in my shoes”. While we may be able to imagine what someone goes through, until we’ve actually gone through it ourselves, we may not truly understand the depth of feeling that they have.
Very true Pam. I cringe when someone says, “I know how you feel when they don’t.” Authenticity is necessary.
Yesterday I was trying to think what lessons I have learned during good times compared to the lessons learned in hard times. I think in good times, my pride is in the way, I think I am doing things much better than I really am. It easy to pull out all the good things and push the bad behavior in the background and somehow try to justify good behavior is overriding some bad decisions. The truth is there is no justification for sin. Sin does not come in different sizes, sin is sin. As I have been going through EG, and the Bible in chronological order with my Bible group, I am trying to meditate on each story and ask God, how do I relate this to my life. How have I made the same mistakes. What take away should I be applying to my life. Paul Tripp does an excellent job of teaching us that the entire Bible is a story of grace, love, and redemption. If that is God’s story for us, that should humble me in my tracks, and show me just how weak I am, and just how much I need God’s grace, love, and redemption. It apply’s to me daily, there is no day that I get it right.
Thanks Gail for your heartfelt comment. Transparent. Honest. Real. If the truth be known, we all could and should say that you have said.
Such a touching story with much truth, too. We do need to go through painful times to better understand the trials and troubles of others. No, it isn’t easy, nor is it pleasant, but it will make us all better people of God for it.
Blessings!
Thanks Martha. I hesitated using the story for fear that someone would think I was shining a light on me. But I wasn’t trying to. I was hoping to show lessons are learned in the tough times. True, it isn’t easy or pleasant but it should draw us to Him and show Him.