“God gained another angel.”

What a horrible, horrible and cold-hearted way to respond to someone who has lost a loved one, especially a child! Those were our sentiments last night.

Let me explain: on Wednesday night I have what I call Wednesday Night Conversations. It’s just a gathering of whoever wants to come and sit around and discuss issues and try to find Biblical answers to those issues. I am using 9 Common Lies Christians Believe by Shane Pruitt as my basis for the conversations. The previous conversation was “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”  Last night’s was “God gained another angel.”

We will often hear that statement used during a funeral, especially by people who are trying to find something to say to parents who lost a child. I know those who say those words are only trying to be helpful and sympathetic, but it simply is not true. And to be brutally honest, the ones who lost that child or that loved one DO NOT want to hear that God wanted their child more than they did. I have stood beside parents whose child passed away or was stillborn or miscarried after month’s inside the mother’s womb and those are not words they want to hear. At those times the only words I found to say was “I’m sorry and if I could take away your pain I would.” More often than not all I could offer was an arm around the shoulder or a shoulder to cry on or a chest to beat on if they wanted to.

Many people have this misguided idea that we become angels when we die. Or a butterfly (or some other tangible expression) to show they are with us. Without getting into too much detail, angels are a whole ‘nother discussion when it comes to who is who and what is what. Hebrews 1:14 tells us angels are servants whose role is to care for people who will inherit salvation. Angels are God’s messengers. They are God’s protectors of His people (Dan. 6:22). They are created to worship God (Is. 6:3). They are God’s warriors (2 Kings 19:35).  As great as angels are, God did not send His Son to die for them. God so loved humans he came as a human to die for humans. (And we don’t get wings)

So…what do you say to someone while standing at a casket or graveside? Sometimes absolutely nothing. Don’t even say, “Call me if you need something.” Most won’t, but one of the ladies made a great suggestion. She lost her husband suddenly and she now visits to show her love and sympathy but then a short while later will call that person and say, “I have been thinking of you. Let’s grab lunch today or tomorrow (set a specific time).” Sometimes the best thing to do is to cry with them or let them cry. Don’t judge. Don’t tell them they will get over it or need to get over it. And please, don’t tell them “God gained another angel.”